Wife Refuses To Spend Her Baby's First Christmas With Her 'Miserable' In-Laws Because They Ruined Her Wedding Photos
She insisted that her husband could just visit his parents on his own without her.
Alina Tanya | Shutterstock A husband questioned if he was wrong for expecting his wife to spend their baby's first Christmas with his parents, with whom she doesn't have a great relationship. In addition to ruining the couple's wedding photos and making little effort to cultivate a relationship with his wife, he was well aware that simply traveling with their baby would be stressful enough. Still, he thought they should visit for the holidays anyway.
Posting his dilemma on Reddit, he said his wife is flat-out refusing to go and insisted that if he really wanted to see his family for Christmas, he should consider traveling there himself.
A wife refuses to spend her baby's first Christmas with her 'miserable' in-laws because they ruined her wedding photos.
"My wife and I married over 2 years ago and she is still salty about what my parents wore to the wedding. My dad wore jeans with a blazer and my mom wore a Patagonia like vest under a silk shirt that was clearly visible and crocs," he began in his Reddit post.
He explained that while he understands what his parents wore to their wedding wasn't appropriate, he wasn't surprised at all by it. He said they've been that way since he was a kid. However, his wife didn't share the same sentiment, insisting that she was upset because their outfits ruined the wedding photos.
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Both he and his wife got into a few arguments about his parents following the wedding, but they eventually stopped talking about it altogether. It helped that his parents lived seven hours away. After the wedding, she told him that she wasn't interested in visiting his family, but he thought she just didn't want to see them that first year they were married.
"We had our son 8 months ago and she refuses to come to see my parents for the holidays. I would understand if it was that she wasn’t feeling well but she is feeling amazing because she hiked for hours the previous weekend and wants to go skiing again this season. She basically just doesn’t want to interact with my family," he continued.
The husband admitted that dealing with his parents isn't easy at all.
He explained that his dad is not the most friendly and is bitter because he hasn't accomplished much in life, so he tends to take it out on other people. However, he insisted that visiting only once a year shouldn't be that bad, especially since his dad hadn't made any disparaging comments towards his wife or made her feel unwelcome.
"But she refuses, and traveling with an 8-month-old is incredibly difficult," he said. "She is still breastfeeding him but has some frozen milk built up and thinks I should accept her not wanting to visit my parents by either bringing the frozen milk to feed him for a few days or I go alone."
He added, "I feel like I’m being made the [jerk] for expecting her to do this but speaking with colleagues and close friends most have family they do not like and most do not like their in laws and still make an effort to at least go once a year." For that reason alone, he feels like she should just sort of grin and bear it.
The thing is, both the husband and the wife make valid points in this scenario. As psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz noted in a piece written for Today, barring any outward hostility, visiting family even when it isn't always a blast, is kind of part and parcel with getting married. You compromise and make concessions. It goes both ways, however. Baby's first Christmas, combined with breastfeeding and all the stuff that simply an overnight stay will require, is not an easy endeavor. Maybe the child's second Christmas would make a better time to visit?
This wife is within her rights to refuse to go to her in-laws, but maybe they can negotiate a happy medium.
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If his wife finds that his parents aren't the best people to be around, then she's well within her rights to refuse to see them. Just because their his family doesn't mean she needs to put up with their "miserable" attitudes. Frankly, he also shouldn't be making so many excuses for his parents when he's a grown adult with a family of his own, who should start prioritizing above all else.
That being said, they are his parents. Even if the family we're dealt isn't the best, that doesn't mean we don't love them. So how can they move forward from this? Choosing a less stressful time to visit when the baby is a little older is a good place to start. So is booking a hotel, so this wife has a place to escape to when she needs a bit of peace.
His loyalty and responsibilities should now be focused on both his baby and his wife, and that means setting boundaries with his parents so that if and when they actually do visit, it goes as smoothly as possible. If he had set those boundaries before his wedding, they probably would have dressed appropriately, and he wouldn't be stuck in this mess in the first place.
He isn't wrong for wanting to see his family during the holidays, and she isn't wrong for not wanting to go. This is where the hard part of marriage comes in. They need to talk it out, and then they need to talk it out some more. And then, they both need to find a way forward that they can both agree on.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
