Man Tells Girlfriend She's Not 'Wife Material' Because She Doesn't Cook From Scratch Like His Mom
She felt "disrespected" by his comment.
fizkes | Shutterstock A woman was left reeling after her boyfriend told her in no uncertain terms that he had no plans to marry her because she couldn't cook like his mom. In an effort to make sense of the absurdity of their interaction, the girlfriend took to Reddit for advice.
Needless to say, the advice was as harsh as this mama's boy's disrespect, and it left her with a lot to think about regarding the future. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with appreciating a mother's cooking, comparing your partner to your parent does not lay the foundation for a healthy relationship.
A man told his girlfriend she's not 'wife material' because she doesn't cook as well as his mom.
In case you were under the impression that this guy was just joking around when it came to his girlfriend's cooking, here's how it all went down. She wrote, "So I was making dinner for my boyfriend (m29) last night. It wasn’t anything fancy, just pasta with homemade sauce, salad, garlic bread. Halfway through the meal he says, 'This is good, but you’ll never be wife material until you can cook like my mom.'"
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She explained that after the insult, she froze, then quickly asked him what he meant by that. Instead of the immediate apology she rightfully deserved, her boyfriend "doubled down." She explained that with little remorse, he said, "'Well, she cooks everything from scratch, three courses, homemade dessert, it’s just… different...'"
Cooking from scratch is not a measure of a partner's quality.
It was obvious that this man was trying to insinuate that his girlfriend was somehow less than because she didn't prioritize a more "traditional" role in their relationship. That is, however, both unrealistic and inherently misogynistic. While his mom might've made the decision to cook elaborate meals for her family from scratch, and it could've made her happy and feel fulfilled, that doesn't mean every single woman should feel the same way.
There's so little we know about this couple. It's highly likely that the girlfriend works a full-time job. That doesn't exactly mean she has oodles of time to whip up a three-course meal on a Tuesday night. In fact, he's pretty lucky that she took the extra time to cook for him in the first place. Let's take a guess at just how many meals he has wrangled up for her in the length of their relationship, and no, takeout in this instance does not count.
According to a survey from the Pew Research Center, more than half of married couples in the United States say sharing household chores is "very important" to a successful marriage. But when it actually comes down to grocery shopping and cooking, women are doing the bulk of the work. An estimated 80% of mothers said they are responsible for preparing the meals, the same percentage who said they are the primary grocery shoppers.
The girlfriend argued that it was 'rude' to compare her to his mom.
"I told him it was rude to compare me to his mom and that if he wanted her food, he should go eat at her place. Now he’s mad, saying I 'overreacted' and that he was just being 'honest about standards,'" she recalled.
The frustrated girlfriend continued, "I genuinely feel disrespected. Am I overreacting for thinking that was completely inappropriate to say to someone you supposedly love?"
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No. You are not overreacting. What he said was completely inappropriate. And if that wasn't clear enough, listen to this commenter, "tell him he should go back to living with his mom bc he's not ready for an adult relationship, which is supposed to be a partnership. And tell him HE'S welcome to cook everything from scratch if he wants. Tell him he's incredibly sexist to think that's your job, there's nothing stopping him from cooking like this if that's the kind of food he wants."
Still unsure? They continued, "And then after you pack your things to leave him, on the way out the door tell him to remember the year is 2025, and women have better things to do than wait on a man like it's the 19th century. That microwaves and meal shortcuts and other modern conveniences were invented so women didn't have to spend a majority of their days slaving over a hot stove and keeping up a house (I'm guessing he expects you to do that too) and doing all the childcare like indentured domestic servants. Tell him to grow up and stop acting like a boy who needs and expects his partner to act like his mom and take care of him. What exactly does he do to take care of you?"
That deserves a mic drop. Seriously, what else is there to say?
At the end of the day, it's clear that he holds his mom in high regard, as well he should. But a mother and a partner are two very different things, and the two should never be pitted against each other.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
