Mom Refuses To Let Her Mother-In-Law See Her Son After She Told Her 'She Didn't Have The Capacity To Be A Grandparent Right Now'
A grandma exhibited some concerning behavior by clearly favoring her two older grandchildren and claiming she couldn't be involved with the third.
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock Some grandparents choose to be super involved in their grandkids’ lives, while others are a bit more distant. One grandma seemed to want to be very involved in her new grandson’s life at first, but that enthusiasm quickly fizzled.
Oddly enough, though, she had no problem being involved in her other two grandchildren’s lives. The whole situation left her daughter-in-law confused and hurt, forcing her to make some tough choices for her family.
A woman didn’t understand why her mother-in-law claimed she wanted to be so involved in her grandson’s life, but didn’t really do anything.
An upset woman took to Reddit to ask for advice after she found out that her mother-in-law’s love apparently had limits. “My [mother-in-law] insisted she was in the delivery room with my husband … and myself …” she explained. “So we allowed her since I don’t have my own mom. Nothing went right during the labor and birth. Nothing. She was one of the first people to see our son in the NICU though.”
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While the birth didn’t go as smoothly as hoped, that shouldn’t have changed anything about her mother-in-law’s demeanor and behavior. But something definitely did shift. “Fast forward to coming home, seven days after having a C-section, losing over a liter of blood and having to recover on my own since my husband had to go back to work, my [mother-in-law] came over to ‘help me,’” she said.
The new mom continued on to explain that her mother-in-law’s only interest seemed to be in showing off her grandson on Facebook. Meanwhile, the mom took on all of the work that she was supposed to be there to help with. “She’s the typical ‘Facebook grandma’ who rarely sees the grandchild,” she said. “But here’s the catch — it’s only with my son. She has two other grandchildren that she sees regularly.”
For some reason, this grandma seemed to be singling out her new grandson and treating him with less love than her other grandkids.
“Now, eight months have [come] and [gone],” the mom said. “She’s seen my son a handful of times … most were by pure coincidence from running into her in public. The last time she came over, she said she didn’t have the ‘capacity’ to be a grandparent right now, but she was going to ‘do better.’ My son doesn’t know her.”
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The issue is that it seems this woman doesn’t have any problem with having the capacity to be a grandparent after all. “She just had the other two grandchildren over for a party, and where was our invite?” the mom asked. “My husband found out by chance since he was helping his brothers with something at their parents’ house. She claimed she got ‘sick’ and couldn’t see him.”
Now, these parents are intent on protecting their son from any emotional damage his grandmother could inflict upon him. “My husband and I have agreed we’re not accepting invites from them anymore since we’re replaceable,” she said. “Our son doesn’t need to know how much she doesn’t actually care about him.”
These parents have every right to be concerned that their son’s grandma is showing favoritism, because she is.
According to Dr. Karen L. Rancourt, PhD, this isn’t uncommon. In her “Ask Dr. Gramma Karen” column, she explained that it's different when it comes to how grandmothers treat their daughters’ children. However, this woman only mentioned that her husband has brothers.
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When a reader asked Dr. Rancourt about what to do in her own similar situation, she recommended spending time with the family who truly did care. Whether or not she chose to invite the family members who showed favoritism was a personal choice, but it didn’t mean her children couldn’t feel the love from the rest of their extended family.
These parents are not overreacting by feeling concerned about the grandmother’s behavior. She is clearly favoring her other grandchildren, and keeping their son emotionally safe is paramount. But it can never hurt for the woman's son to have a real sit-down with his mom and try to get to the root of her inconsistencies. If grandma chooses not to repair the relationship, that break is completely her doing.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
