11 Uncomfortable Text Messages From Adult Kids That Mean They're Drifting Away From Their Parents
GalacticDreamer / Shutterstock Not everyone is close with their parents once they've moved out and built a life on their own. When your mom and dad didn't do a great job connecting with you, it can feel pretty unimportant to touch base with them as soon as you don't really need to.
There are also times when people who were once close with their parents start drifting away, even if they never really had any issues between them. When this happens, the nature of the communications often changes, and the text messages they send might feel particularly uncomfortable.
They may no longer feel content with their relationship dynamic, or they simply may not see their parents as their priority now, but when kids start sending these kinds of texts, they are distancing themselves and drawing boundaries where they probably never existed before.
These are 11 uncomfortable text messages from adult kids that mean they're drifting away from their parents
1. 'I've just been really busy'
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Sure, everyone gets busy from time to time. Whether it's work or school, getting caught up and not messaging once in every blue moon is more than fine. That being said, there are people in our lives who are always a priority. No matter how busy someone is, their parents or partners should always be contacted regularly.
That being said, if someone doesn't have a good relationship with their parents, expect them to text, "I've just been really busy lately." While it might be the case, constantly using this excuse is a sign that something is amiss.
As philosopher Jen Zamzow, Ph.D., said, "We are wired to resist things that prompt negative feelings like boredom, discomfort, or fear." So, if they're avoiding text messages and using this as an excuse? It may be a sign that your relationship with your child is on the verge of breaking down.
2. 'I handled it already'
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Adult children who can no longer depend on their parents do everything by themselves. From moving out to applying for college, they may not want to tell their parents anything. Dodging phone calls and barely responding to text messages, a message that tells parents their kids are drifting apart is, "I handled it already."
At first, it may just seem like they're just adulting. Rather than relying on their parents, it's natural for adult children to learn to depend on themselves. However, while independence is great, never leaning on their parents for anything is a sign that they don't trust them.
Whether it's due to childhood trauma or being let down too many times, there's likely a bridge that needs mending.
3. 'I don't really have anything to say'
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Once an adult child is done, they're done. No longer pretending things are fine, an uncomfortable message parents may receive from their adult children is, "I don't really have anything to say."
They've already tried to make it work with their parents. Once they let their feelings be known, it's up to the parents to put in the work. As hurtful as it may be, children need to live their own authentic truth.
As most people know, authenticity is a pathway to greater well-being and happiness. So, while parents may view it as cold-hearted, adult kids are simply done with being dishonest.
4. 'I don't want to argue about this'
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Some parents are straight-up toxic. Never showing up for their children and always causing issues, a message they may receive when their child is drifting apart is, "I don't want to argue about this."
When a person truly cares and wants the relationship to work, they aren't afraid to argue. Spending hours going at it, they stay and brave the storm not because they want to, but because they care so much about the relationship. Hating the idea of letting things end, they'd rather try their hardest than watch it go up in flames. However, when an adult child is done, they put in zero energy.
Already exhausted and fed up, they no longer have energy for the nonsense. If a parent isn't willing to change and be open-minded, don't expect adult children to waste their time.
5. 'Can we not do this right now?'
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While there are parents out there who are loving and understanding, others are argumentative and vicious. Never showing love or remorse when it counts the most, a message they probably receive from their adult children is, "Can we not do this right now?" It sounds dismissive, but adult children don't care.
They can only forgive so many times until they put their peace of mind first. Knowing that their parent will become a hindrance, they choose to create distance by placing firm boundaries. It isn't a pleasant conversation to have, but it is important.
As professor of psychology, John P Forsyth, Ph.D., said, "It is living with ourselves, our histories, and going forward to create a life worthy of our time on this planet." So, if adult children want to create their ideal life, they need to start by cutting off the people who are draining it, including their parents.
6. 'You wouldn't understand'
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Most kids want to feel understood by their parents. It doesn't matter how old they get. The urge to connect is a deeply ingrained one in us all. That being said, some parents refuse to understand where their children are coming from. So caught up in their own perspective, a sign they've messed up is getting a message that says, "You wouldn't understand."
Their child may not be saying this to be difficult. They love their parents and would have done anything for them. However, after years of being dismissed, there's only so much they can take. Feeling defeated and disrespected, they shut parents out because their parents shut them down first.
7. 'I need some space'
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Let's face it, everybody needs space from time to time. Whether it's an hour under the sheets scrolling on their phone or time spent screaming in the shower, a little time alone can work wonders. As social psychologist Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., explained, "When people want some time alone for positive reasons, and they get it, they are in a better mood, and the people they are close to are too; they are less likely to experience negative feelings."
That said, if an adult child tells their parent via text message, "I need some space," it is a huge sign they're drifting away. It may seem sudden; however, this is a buildup. Feeling disrespected and misunderstood for the last time, adult children put their foot down because they've reached the end of their patience.
8. 'I'm not discussing this anymore'
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There's only so much nonsense a child can take. After hearing their parent whine about the same thing over and over again, an uncomfortable message they may receive is, "I'm not discussing this anymore." It may sound rude, but they are valid in feeling this way.
Nobody likes being reminded of painful memories, especially when it's done to make them feel guilty. Fed up and impatient, adult children may suddenly message this out of anger. It's a bit messy, and they may hate bringing drama into their lives. However, sometimes being blunt is the only way to get parents to back off.
9. 'I'll call when I can'
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Most people won't just sit there and stay on the phone with someone who drains their energy. Tired of the negativity and fake tears, an uncomfortable message parents may receive from their children is, "I'll call when I can."
If a child barely calls or contacts a parent, this message is a cop-out. Not wanting to deal with the drama, they'll offer a vague response that they never truly follow up on. Is it the most honest thing to do? No, but in this case, lying to their toxic parents may be their best bet.
As lecturer George S. Everly, Jr., PhD, ABPP, FACLP said, "Toxic people can spread unhappiness and personal suffering. They ultimately poison things with which they come in touch: other people, careers, businesses, marriages, and especially children." So, in this case, it's better to play it safe for now until you have a better solution.
10. 'I'm keeping things private right now'
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Sometimes, children should keep things low rather than blabbing excitedly. As much as they'd love to share the good news, some parents are extremely draining. Never happy with their children and always complaining, an uncomfortable message they may receive is, "I'm keeping things private right now."
At first, their parents may resist this. Feeling entitled to their children's lives, they may push boundaries all for the sake of feeling in control. Raging and guilt-tripping them, adult children need to remain strong. Toxic parents do everything in their power to break you down. This is why staying in control and enforcing that boundary is a must.
11. 'I don't have the energy for this right now'
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Finally, the last message that adult children send when they're drifting away is, "I don't have the energy for this right now." When push comes to shove, there's only so much toxicity a child can take. Having put up with their parents' polarizing behavior long enough, they eventually learn to put their foot down.
This is because being mistreated by your closest loved ones is extremely detrimental to your happiness. Bringing out the worst in us, adult children need to keep a distance for their own mental health. Done with the manipulation and lies, saying "I don't have the energy for this right now" is the best way to make your boundary clear.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
