People Who Deeply Resent How They Were Raised Usually Say 7 Phrases To Their Parents In Casual Conversation
Tatsiana_vtv / Shutterstock Some people are genuinely grateful for the support their parents gave them as children. I know my mom was an incredible parent, but that wasn’t true for all my friends. Some people had parents who really hurt them when they were growing up because they didn’t make an effort to get involved in their lives.
People who grew up in these kinds of situations often don't appreciate their childhood. In fact, they resent it deeply. Because of the deep anger they feel, they often can’t stop themselves from saying certain things whenever they’re around their parents.
People who deeply resent the way they were raised frequently say these phrases to their parents during casual conversation:
1. “That’s not how I would’ve done it”
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Adult children who resent the way they were raised love to correct their parents on every little thing. It’s probably how their parents acted towards them as kids. They’ll frequently tell them they wouldn't have done things the same way.
They develop this habit because they don’t trust their parents to do things correctly. The way their parents handled their childhood isn’t how they think a parent should act, and they wish they could go back and correct their parents before they made those mistakes. But since they can’t do that, they’ll focus on correcting their parents over little things instead.
2. “You never listen”
When friends listen, it can make people feel really appreciated. It shows that someone cares what they think. Being heard makes people feel like they matter because someone’s sacrificing their time to acknowledge how they’re feeling and thinking.
Parents who don’t do that with their kids often end up making their kids resent them. When they spend time with their grown children, they’ll constantly be told that they don't listen because their kids are mad that their parents didn’t make them feel seen while they were growing up.
3. “I’m busy”
People who resent their childhood don’t typically like to hang out with their parents very much. It brings up bad memories for them, and could leave them feeling like a hurt kid again. Once they move out of the house, they’ll start avoiding their parents. When they do see them, they’ll try to spend as little time with them as possible.
If their parents try to make another plan to see them again, they’ll respond by saying they're too busy. People often get overwhelmed with everything they need to handle, so most people respect excuses like that because they’ve probably been too busy to do things at some point too. That’s why adult children keep using it again and again. It helps them get out of plans with their parents without hurting their feelings.
4. “You’re so neurotic”
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Parents who are open and agreeable often foster a great relationship with their kids, but the same isn't true for neurotic parents. When a parent is neurotic, they tend to cause their kids a lot of stress. As adults, those kids will tell their parents how neurotic they are when they try to micromanage their lives.
Maybe their parents needed things done in a particular way or had strict rules they punished their children for breaking. Children with micromanaging parents are more likely to grow up insecure because they don't feel confident in their ability to handle things. These parents tend to take over their kids' responsibilities, which doesn’t teach them the skills they need in adulthood.
5. “I don’t want to talk about it”
My mom is the first person I call when I’m having an issue because I always know I can count on her, but not all parents make their kids feel this way. Parents who are unreliable or not empathetic to their children’s emotional needs don’t make their kids feel like they can trust them.
When something’s wrong, they won’t turn to their parents. Even if their parents notice something’s up, they’ll just say they don't want to talk about it. Their parents didn’t set themselves up as someone their kids could turn to for emotional support, and it’s hard to change later. Even if a parent wants to fix their relationship with their children and become more emotionally supportive, their adult children still may never trust them to keep up that behavior.
6. “Of course you’d mention them.”
Some parents have a bad habit of comparing their kids to other people. When that happens all the time, kids can get really frustrated. It doesn't matter if it was a neighbor’s kid or one of their siblings. They’ll probably still feel insecure around the person they were compared to.
If their parents bring them up, they won’t be able to stop themselves from saying, “Of course you’d mention them.”
The things we hear from our parents when we're kids can have a huge effect on us that lasts a lifetime, and this phrase is just a reflection of that. Even if they find confidence later, those insecurities may run too deep to let go of completely.
7. “You don’t know anything about my life.”
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When people avoid talking to their parents, they don’t stay informed about each other’s lives. They won’t learn about new friends or things stressing them out at work. Those issues can really get to people, so even if they don’t want to talk about them with their parents, they can’t fully hide how they’re feeling.
This still shows up in the way they act as adults. Parents usually pick up on their kid's negative emotions and may try to offer their opinion or give advice, but their adult child will just respond by telling them, “You don’t know anything about my life.”
Their parents probably don’t, but that’s not necessarily their fault. They just don’t communicate with their parents enough for them to understand what’s going on.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
