People Who Are Basically Immune To Peer Pressure Learned 9 Major Lessons Growing Up
SofikoS / Shutterstock We're all warned not to give in to peer pressure from the time we’re old enough to understand what it is, but not everyone listens. A lot of people can't resist going along with what other people want them to do because they think it’s the only way they can fit in.
There are some folks, however, who are basically immune to peer pressure because they're more worried about the kind of person they are than what people think or say about them. These people usually learned some important lessons the hard way about going against what they know is best for themselves when they were kids.
People who learned these major life lessons growing up are pretty much immune to peer pressure now
1. Not everyone has to like you
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Some people have stronger people-pleasing tendencies than others, but wanting to be liked is a pretty natural human instinct across the board. When someone has low self-esteem, it can feel devastating when a person that they really want to like them just doesn’t.
The truth is it’s not possible to be liked by every single person, and it’s also not possible to figure out what everyone’s opinions of you really are. People who give in to peer pressure do it because they think it will make them more likable, but that's rarely the case. Those who are immune to that kind of pressure learned early on that it truly doesn’t matter if they’re universally liked or not as long as they like themselves.
2. Decisions should be made based on your values
Everyone has their own set of values that they think are most important, but not everyone chooses to live by those values if going against them can benefit them enough.
Someone who makes decisions based on their values is likely to feel more content and confident than someone who doesn't, and that's what people do when they don’t let pressure get to them. They want to feel good about their choices, and they know that each choice they make that’s aligned with what they believe in will make the next one easier to stand by.
3. Being popular isn’t the same as being respected
Our culture places a lot of value on our reputations, so it’s easy to think that having people think highly of you is more important than whatever their actual opinion of you is. This is what makes some folks confuse popularity and respect.
Interestingly, most people are focused on what therapist Hannah Leib Sclichter, LCSW, refers to as perceived popularity. This term applies to anyone who wields a lot of power and influence. The only problem is they aren’t usually respected and appreciated at the same time.
Some people want to be popular because they think that means everyone will be their friend. But name-recognition doesn’t lead straight to respect. That makes popularity an empty pursuit. If someone has already learned that they could certainly become more popular because of peer pressure, but that doing so won’t lead to the kind of fulfillment they want, they're already primed to stand by their own decisions for themselves.
4. Approval feels nice, but it isn’t necessary
It does feel good to know other people approve of you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just human nature. Relying completely on validation from others isn’t healthy, though.
The people who aren’t fazed by peer pressure understand they have to show up for themselves, too. They’ll never feel good enough if they’re just focused on what other people think. They can accept praise with gratitude, but they don’t chase it obsessively.
5. True friends accept them as they are
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Counselor Britt Melewski, LMSW, said that one of the easiest ways to determine if someone really is a good friend is to ask if “you feel comfortable being your most genuine, authentic self around this person.”
It’s pretty common for people who place pressure on someone to not be real friends at all. Trying to influence someone to do something that will likely result in negative consequences isn’t a sign of genuine friendship. People who've learned that they don’t need to change who they are for true friends see giving in to peer pressure as much less worthwhile.
6. Brief moments of discomfort are better than years of regret
Even the most confident people feel embarrassed when they turn down whatever another person is pressuring them to do. Knowing that the action would be a mistake doesn’t always make this easier. But people who don’t let that influence overwhelm them have learned to live with a few awkward minutes so they can avoid the alternative.
Not every situation that involves peer pressure is actually high-stakes, but many are. Living with regret makes people feel anxious and can even affect their immune system. Those are serious long-term consequences they don’t want to deal with, so people who refuse to bow to what others want don’t let what feels easier now trump what will feel easier in the future.
7. They are the only person who will face the consequences of their actions
When someone is trying to pressure you into doing something, they often give the impression that the group is all in on it together. Even if only one person actually makes a bad choice, the people who encouraged them to do it are still connected. If someone is immune to pressure, they already learned that that’s not entirely true, though. They’re the only one who actually has to deal with the consequences of whatever they do.
It’s kind of like when siblings get in trouble, and they try to blame each other. Bad people aren’t going to take some of the responsibility for something they pushed a supposed friend to do. They have to bear that alone, so they have to make the best choice for themselves.
8. Other people aren’t judging them as much as they think
Some people go along with peer pressure because they think everyone will judge them harshly if they don’t. That’s probably true on some level, but not to the extent that they expect.
People who aren't fooled by this know that it's normal for us all to think everyone else is focusing on us when they aren’t. We think about ourselves the most, so we think other people think about us a lot, too. In reality, they’re spending the most time thinking about themselves, the same way you are, so it’s not worth it to give in and do something you don't want to do in order to avoid judgment that might never come.
9. What the group believes isn’t automatically true
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Part of what makes peer pressure so effective is the way we all assume something must be true if a lot of people back it up. Psychologists call this the illusory truth effect, and they warn that it often leads to misinformation.
Just because a lot of people say something, that doesn’t mean it’s accurate. Some people have learned that this isn’t what they should base their decisions on, making them almost immune to bad influences.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
