9 Things Kids Who Had To Manage Their Mom’s Bad Moods Usually Struggle With As Adults

Navigating relationships with your parents isn’t easy for everyone. It can be hard to understand why they feel a certain way or why they choose to enforce certain punishments.

This can get even more complicated when a child's mother is either constantly in a bad mood or has severe mood swings. Research has shown that children whose mothers are almost constantly in a bad mood struggle more to manage their own emotions, as they are so busy trying to manage their mother's. Hostile moms make their children feel sadder and angrier. As adults, they may be more fearful of confrontation and continue to struggle to navigate other people’s unpredictable moods.

Kids who grew up having to manage their mom's bad moods frequently struggle with these issues as adults

1. Pressuring themselves to be perfect

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with her perfectionism ismagilov from Getty Images via Canva

Perfectionism is a common effect of childhood trauma. If someone’s mother was always in a bad mood, they likely felt they needed to do anything to impress her. They may have thought if they could bring home good grades or do their chores without being asked, they could lift her sour mood. While it may have worked at times, it also left them with unrealistic expectations.

We all know no one is perfect. In fact, Hannah Montana had a whole song about it on the Disney Channel. However, if someone grew up under constant pressure from their angry mother, they may think they have to be as close to perfect as possible because they still want to impress them. They may then develop that same attitude in romantic relationships or friendships as they get older.

2. Dealing with deep-seated guilt

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with guilt G-Stock Studio from Getty Images via Canva

Anger doesn’t come out of nowhere for most people. It’s often triggered by something difficult in their lives. If someone's mother was going through a divorce or dealing with a job loss, it may be understandable that she was often moody. However, taking those feelings out on their children is not a healthy way to navigate those emotions. It is likely to cause children to feel like a burden and think they were responsible for their mother's pain.

Guilt trips never help a situation. Long after they’ve grown up, they may still deal with deep-seated guilt stemming from the pressure they placed on themselves by assuming they were the problem.

3. Constantly feeling a need to apologize

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods apologizing pixelshot via Canva

It’s not surprising that someone who dealt with constant anger from their mother growing up would become a chronic apologizer. They don’t want to experience other people’s negative emotions. Rather, they want to get ahead of the problem and apologize, even when they didn’t do anything wrong.

People-pleasing by putting others before themselves to keep the peace is a trauma response. Children like this used apologies to dodge their mother’s outbursts. Often, they didn’t do anything that warranted their mother’s anger. Sadly, she was unhappy and took everything out on her children. Childhood trauma causes people to take on traits and habits to survive.

4. Figuring out how to enforce boundaries

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with boundaries Motortion from Getty Images via Canva

Setting and enforcing boundaries are some of the most important things we do in all of our relationships. When we set boundaries, we show that we hold ourselves to certain standards, and we expect to be treated the same in return. However, doing so with our parents can be complicated. There are only so many situations when kids feel like they can speak up.

Moody mothers often cross their child’s boundaries. They expect certain things from their child, especially when they are in a bad mood. The child is expected to give in, which can lead them to do the same as adults.

5. Trying to trust others

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with trust studioroman via Canva

Someone who is constantly in a bad mood can make anyone feel uneasy. You never know what will set them off, so it’s easier to keep your distance. When that person is your mother, it can be especially damaging. Walking on eggshells around someone who is supposed to have your best interest at heart can feel defeating.

Childhood trauma deeply affects how someone trusts other people in adulthood. Not being able to turn to their mother and fearing she would snap often left them feeling upset, scared, and confused. If a parent can act this way, how can they trust a random person to behave?

6. Not being able to relax with other people

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling to relax Leticia Alvarez from Pexels via Canva

Being around unpredictable people can elevate our heart rate and stress out our nervous system. When you’re in the room with someone who has hurt you before, your vital signs may show it. Our bodies control how we handle situations, which could make it hard to relax around others. It’s especially troublesome when that person is your mother, and it stems from an unhealthy childhood dynamic.

Childhood trauma is strongly linked to social anxiety. This might leave someone who endured a complicated childhood because of their moody mother feeling anxious in social situations. They worry someone will lash out at or dislike them.

7. Feeling responsible for everyone’s moods

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with feeling responsible for other people's moods Biserka Stojanovic from Getty Images via Canva

Growing up, I remember moments where my mom was in a bad mood. I would do anything I could to pull her out of that mindset. I turn to comedy and always try to make her laugh. As an adult, I still do this, whether I mean to or not, around my friends. If things get tense, I believe I could settle everyone down by saying something ridiculous. It doesn’t work as well as it did when I was a kid, go figure.

Childhood trauma can set people up for a fix-it mentality. They watched their mother suffer with chronic bad moods and likely wanted to get rid of that tension, doing whatever they could to get out of the situation. They may continue to do that in adulthood, feeling responsible for changing the vibe no matter what is going on.

8. Being emotionally dysregulated

woman who had to manage her mom's bad moods struggling with her emotions Liza Summer from Pexels via Canva

Mothers who were constantly in a bad mood may have been seeking daily fights, not always with their children, but often in front of them. This can cause serious anxiety for the kid who grew up mostly seeing their mother fight and yell. Even as adults, when they hear the tone shifting in a conversation, they may walk away. They don’t want to be involved in any arguments, so they choose to shut down,

This isn’t always the best approach, but it can feel like the safest route for someone who grew up with a parent who fought with you or constantly scolded you because they were in a bad mood.

9. Having a hard time managing their own stress

man who had to manage his mom's bad moods struggling with stress Rido via Canva

Let’s face it, moms can be stressful to deal with even when they are pretty happy. When someone's mother is usually unhappy, and they feel like they have to manage her moods for their own safety, things can become explosive.

The stress of navigating someone else’s mood can be overwhelming as it is, and childhood trauma changes how we process stress. A kid who grew up this way may freeze completely when dealing with stress, or leave the situation entirely to help themselves calm down.

Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.

Kids Who Had To Manage Their Mom’s Bad Moods Usually Struggle With 9 Things As Adults