Kids Raised By Low Effort Parents Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
Cast of Thousands | Shutterstock These days, helicopter parenting is considered normal. We see parents who are over-involved in their children’s lives who and shield them from all pain. Aside from these extremes, having parents who are active in your life is beneficial, and sadly, not everyone grew up with parents like this.
The outcome of having low effort parents can impact how well someone fares in adulthood. They often hang on to some maladaptive habits they formed as kinds to keep themselves afloat when their parents weren’t around or were emotionally absent. But these habits, a few of which are listed below, don't serve them well today.
Kids raised by low effort parents often carry these 8 habits into adulthood:
1. Self-sufficiency
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Raising self-sufficient kids definitely has some positive benefits. When parents encourage their children to have the confidence to take care of themselves, it sets them up for success. However, when parents neglect their children's needs, they have no option but to take care of themselves, and that turns independence into a maladaptive trait that often develops into a fear of asking for help or relying on others.
They take on everything themselves because they have trust issues, feeling like if they reach out to someone, they'll only be let down.
Even as adults, they still choose to do everything on their own. Whether or not they have support, it doesn’t matter. They grew up being the only person they trust, and it’s hard to let other people in.
2. They are hyper-independent
Along with being self-sufficient, this type of person can become hyper-independent. This is often a trauma response, as they knew they couldn’t count on their parents, so they took on every task for themselves.
While having independence is a strength, hyper-independence can cause people to distance themselves from others. When they needed their parents, they weren’t around, so why would anyone else show up for them?
Some overly independent people may go days without talking to other people. They’re busy taking care of themselves, not worrying about other people. They may isolate themselves without even realizing it. When someone is used to doing everything alone, it can prevent them from forming bonds with others.
3. They have trouble letting their guard down in relationships
This hyper-independence can prevent them from growing close to other people. If they weren’t close with their parents and spent most of their time alone, it can be easier for them to keep to themselves. It’s hard for them to be vulnerable and drop their guard when they feel like they can’t rely on anyone else.
Vulnerability takes serious effort, which this type of person may not have the bandwidth to work through. Eventually, as they heal, kids who were raised by low effort parents often learn that taking emotional risks can lead to growth. Letting our guards down allows us to grow close to others. When that is lacking in a relationship, it can push others away, even if that isn’t their intention.
4. They never ask for help
I grew up with parents who put a lot of effort into my life. I knew I could always trust and rely on them when I needed them. However, that didn’t stop me from being afraid of asking for help as an adult. I can only imagine what someone who grew up feeling alone goes through when they need help but can’t ask for it.
Sadly, we often look at people who refuse to ask for help as arrogant. We think they believe they are better than everyone else and can handle everything on their own. However, this is often a response to trauma. It can be scary to ask for help when they grow up solving every problem on their own. Everyone has a reason for their behavior, and often, it comes from childhood pain.
5. They downplay their needs
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How many times have you claimed you were fine even though you were far from it? It shields us from dealing with painful feelings. By denying we have them, it’s almost as if they’re not real. It’s also difficult to open up about what’s going on in our heads because we may fear what other people think. Especially if someone is used to only relying on themselves, it’s not surprising they would hold back and downplay their needs.
By pretending they’re fine, they are lying to both themselves and others. They’re afraid to ask for help and find comfort in others, likely from their childhood trauma. With time, they may be able to trust someone and move forward honestly with their needs. However, it’s far from easy.
6. They are constantly prepared for the worst
Without parents there for them, they often had to navigate difficult moments on their own. Whether it was putting together a half-hazard dinner with only a few ingredients in the fridge, or locking the doors in fear of an intruder, they were too young to handle complicated situations on their own. From this trauma, they may catastrophize.
This means their minds are fixated on what could go wrong. Early trauma can cause this due to the constant threat of danger they felt. Now, they might prepare for the worst to ensure safety if something goes wrong.
7. They feel like a burden
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Children need their parents to be there for them to help nurture their connections with others. When they know they can turn to others, opening up about their feelings as adults becomes easier. After learning their parents couldn’t give them what they needed, they knew they had become a burden.
Children internalize the feeling of being a burden. When this sticks with them through adulthood, they may think sharing their feelings will make other people uncomfortable. Instead of providing support, they assume they’ll be an annoyance.
8. They expect to be let down by others
If someone had parents who barely put effort into raising them, they were often left feeling let down. Whether they were hoping their parents would show up to their sports game or be home for dinner that night, having their expectations crushed day after day made them struggle to trust others. As adults, hearing promises from others can feel like false hope. They won’t believe they’ll actually come through for them.
This can not only make them trust people less, but also turn them into people-pleasers. They want to be there for others the way they weren’t cared for as children. Even if they are being treated poorly, they will still go out of their way for people, hoping they’ll eventually get what they want. Sadly, they still might be let down.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
