Therapist Calls Out The Common Boomer Parent Habit That Traumatizes Their Adult Children
PLotulitStocker | Shutterstock If there's one universal thing that most adult children can agree on, it's that as they get older, their parents typically do things that can be truly bewildering. It's as if their older age has made them more likely to double down on their quirks and unconventional habits, leaving their adult children truly scratching their heads in pure confusion, with a dash of frustration. For boomer parents in particular, there seems to be a popular habit that really irritates their adult children.
In a TikTok video, a licensed counselor named Mary Beth Somich explained how, when it comes to the adult children of boomer parents, one of their biggest causes of trauma centers around health concerns
A therapist called out boomer parents who traumatize their adult children by hiding their health issues.
"I've been a family therapist for about 10 years now, and there is this thing that boomer parents consistently do that I have to admit, I truly do not understand," Somich began in her video. "And I really would like to understand this because I do think it would really help my Gen X and millennial adult clients."
Somich reenacted a phone conversation between a boomer parent and their adult child to demonstrate what she meant. In the pretend phone call, Somich, playing the role of the boomer parent, suddenly dropped the bomb that Dad had open heart surgery today. Somich, in the role of the boomer, insisted that she didn't want to worry her child, so she decided not to tell them about it until it was actually happening.
In another example, Somich, continuing to play the boomer parent role, told her adult child over the phone that Grandma had fallen sick and was actually on life support for the past week. Again, Somich explained that she just didn't want to let her kid know about it until the very last minute. This role-playing emphasized the point that boomer parents tend to really withhold bad news from their adult children as if they can't handle hearing it. Then, they wait until the very last possible moment to talk about it with them.
The therapist insisted that adult children can handle hearing unfortunate news from their boomer parents.
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"I would like to understand the rationale behind this, because I understand protecting your children from information that may not be, like, developmentally appropriate when it comes to illness with family members, whatever," she continued. "But these are adult children now."
Somich recalled that she'll get clients who come in for their sessions and admit how angry they are that their boomer parents are constantly withholding information like that from them. It makes them feel betrayed and extremely hurt. They feel like they can't trust their parents to share really important health information about immediate family members with them.
"If the idea here was to spare your adult child some anxiety, it has backfired. The lack of communication regarding important family health events has not only increased their anxiety now because they don't trust that you'll tell them, but it's resulted in a fracture in your relationship or a breach of trust."
Boomer secrecy stems from how they grew up.
It's easy to simply point the finger and disregard this secrecy as thoughtlessness or even cruelty, but nothing is ever that simple. Often, the behaviors that seem to irritate younger generations about boomers were integral to their survival when they were of a similar age.
"Boomers are extremely independent and are used to making their own decisions," Marianne Matzo, PhD, who specializes in palliative care and gerontology, told Upworthy. "Remember, they came of age during the Vietnam War, and one of the legislative changes at that time was that people were legal adults at age 18. At a young age, they had the legal right to make major decisions and wanted to keep that freedom. They don’t need the family to drive them to the doctor, nor be involved in making decisions about their lives. The tendency is to make decisions and inform the family afterwards."
If we're really examining this habit, it seems that boomer parents often withhold this kind of information because they might be scared to show weakness. They were raised with a mindset that you must take care of yourself at all costs. So, they brush things off as "not that big of a deal" when they really are. Unfortunately, that independence can drive a wedge between them and their adult children.
Just being honest, even when the truth is hard, can end up saving a lot of unnecessary stress and frustration in the long run. Adult children don't need to be shielded from bad news as if they're 10 years old. They can handle it, and most want to be included in everything from that very first doctor's visit.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
