Kids Who Grow Up With Angry & Aggressive Parents Usually Carry 6 Concerning Habits Into Adulthood
fast-stock | Shutterstock When children are raised by angry, aggressive parents, they learn how to communicate and form relationships much differently than kids who were raised in calmer, more stable homes. According to the CDC, childhood experiences like abuse or witnessing violence at home can affect how children respond to stress, which can also make it harder to build healthy, stable relationships later on as an adult.
In an environment filled with constant fighting and unpredictable bursts of anger, children quickly learn to keep to themselves because they don't feel safe enough to be around others. Inevitably, these children grow up and, as adults, they approach friendships, partnerships, and many other real-world situations with extra caution. These behaviors can be ways of coping with stressful or traumatic childhood experiences, and unfortunately, the habits that helped them protect themselves as children can become harder to live with as adults.
Growing up with angry and aggressive parents can leave you with these 6 concerning habits:
1. They're overly cautious around other people
Imagine a kid raised to feel constantly belittled, even for the smallest of things. Maybe they left a single dirty dish in the sink, and their parents screamed at them over it. Maybe they accidentally made a mess, and their parents brought up past mistakes, making the current one feel bigger than it actually was. Whatever the case, these children grew up to be overly cautious around people after being constantly reprimanded and unjustly put down by their parents.
Being overly cautious can look like hypervigilance, which Cleveland Clinic connects to childhood trauma. For someone who has experienced trauma, constantly watching for danger can be a way to protect themselves from being hurt again. An adult who suffered from constant childhood ridicule and aggression by their parents may always be gauging other people's reactions and body language. Even if someone isn't screaming and is unusually quiet, these adults can interpret it as them having done something wrong. It doesn't matter whether a person is genuinely kind. Hypervigilant adults keep their guard up no matter what.
2. They keep to themselves
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Parents are meant to be there for their children. They're supposed to care for their children and teach them how to be good human beings. But when parents are always being angry and aggressive, it can have detrimental effects on children into adulthood. Because they have witnessed abuse or even endured it themselves, these children can grow up to become adults who are unable to form proper connections with other people. Whether childhood trauma includes physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, or neglect, the potential for healthy attachments with others is threatened.
A child who witnessed their father abusing their mother and listened to constant arguments between them might grow up to become an adult who is unable to open up to others. They may fear that getting into a relationship means repeating the dysfunctional dynamic that their parents shared. So keeping to themselves and self-isolating from others seems the most plausible thing to do to protect themselves from further trauma.
3. They treat disagreements as threats
If a friend disagrees with a hypervigilant, self-isolating adult about even the simplest things, it can quickly turn serious. They might see every disagreement as a threat because, as children, they might've witnessed how easily their parents exploded over a minor issue. If someone disagrees or challenges their opinion, they may become defensive. They may defend themselves before the situation escalates, or maybe they may go along with their friend's opinion to avoid further conflict. Yet they might even withdraw from the conversation entirely and shut down.
4. They don't trust people easily
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An adult raised by aggressive and angry parents may struggle to recognize what is and isn't healthy, especially when it comes to relationships. They might fall into partnerships that seem familiar. A partner might have bouts of anger as their parents did, yet they ironically feel secure in the relationship. They might also avoid relationships entirely.
Even if they are in a genuinely healthy relationship with a partner who treats them fairly, a traumatized adult might question whether their partner's feelings are sincere. As a child, their parents might've shown them the slightest bit of affection, only to turn around the next moment in a fit of rage. Childhood maltreatment is linked to a greater likelihood of forming dysfunctional relationships.
5. They second-guess themselves
With the absence of a stable childhood home and the absence of loving, nurturing parents, adults who endured trauma might struggle to understand the kind of person they are. Because their parents didn't meet their emotional needs as children, these adults may struggle with low self-worth, a lack of confidence, and a very skewed view of themselves. Good childhood development is crucial to identity formation, so when a childhood is filled with negativity, that negativity can stick with children into adulthood.
6. They react with the same anger and aggression they grew up around
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Many times, children adopt behaviors or habits that they picked up on from their parents. A mother who kept her home untidy might see her adult daughter struggling to keep her own things organized, while a parent who always yelled and fought might see their own adult children doing the same. When parents express anger day in and day out, children might associate aggressiveness with control. As adults, they may imitate this very same behavior by raising their voices at others. On the other hand, they might try to suppress their anger until it boils over.
As Psychology Today explains, anger usually has a trigger, such as something someone said or did, and then gets directed at a particular person or thing.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English from the University of Nevada, Reno. She writes on relationships, lifestyle, and mental health topics.
