If Your Child Grew Up In A Happy Home, They Likely Have These 11 Rare Traits As An Adult
Mary Lynn Rajskub | Shutterstock Every parent wants their child to grow up in a happy home, but life throws curveballs to every family once in a while. So, how can you know if you did a good job? If your child grew up in a happy home, they likely have a few rare traits as adults that show how successfully you raised them.
According to Madeline Levine, PhD., parents often obsess on minor details, and miss that it's more important "that our children become loyal friends, good partners, honest and reliable workers, have a strong moral center and develop other worthy attributes." Often, having a happy home is key to these values. So, how can you know if you succeeded?
If your child grew up in a happy home, they likely have these 11 rare traits as an adult
1. They embrace change
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Children who grew up in happy homes don't fear change; they embrace it. Unlike most people, they understand that change, though uncomfortable, isn't a bad thing. They know that change can help push people onto the right path or to give people clearer direction.
As a parent, you likely encouraged them to try different things and to step outside of their comfort zones. When change happened, they knew their parents were there for them every step of the way.
This, in turn, encouraged these now-adult children to look at change as just another part of life. Therefore, when change comes knocking at their door, they do what their parents did and list all of the positives, helping their minds refocus on what matters most.
2. They don't let little mistakes faze them
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If your child grew up in a happy home, it's likely they don't let little mistakes faze them. They understand that mistakes are necessary for developmental growth and change. This adds up, as you likely taught them to embrace failure. That failure was the stepping stone to success as long as people learned from it.
Parents who riase healthy kids acknowledge that failure shouldn't be underestimated. According to research published in Science, people are better able to learn when they revisit a task. This is due to motor memory, which, in this case, is inquired through trial and error.
This is why people who grew up in a happy home don't let the little mistakes get to them. They understand that learning from trial and error will ensure they don't repeat the same mistakes.
3. They set boundaries and stick to them
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Another indicator that your child grew up in a happy home is their ability to set boundaries. Throughout childhood, most people were taught that pushing their discomfort to the side was necessary to be seen as considerate. But children who were raised in happy homes don't see it that way.
This small change had a huge impact on them as they grew into adults who were unafraid to sit down with their bosses and say, 'You're crossing my boundaries.'
According to licensed clinical psychologist Yesel Yoon, Ph. D., refusing to set boundaries can lead to burnout, resentment, and relationship conflict. Yet, people who choose to assert their boundaries create self-respect within themselves while navigating their relationships.
4. They're kind to strangers
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If your child grew up in a happy home, they likely have the rare trait of innate kindness. They taught their kids to start with generosity and to have empathy.
Parents who raise kids in a happy home aren't afraid to have tough conversations to make sure their kids understand that not everyone has the same privileges and opportunities. They help their kids imagine and have compassion for others who aren't as lucky.
This engrained way of thinking impacts how these children interact with people in their daily lives as adults, too. Instead of ignoring a person in crisis, they're the first to lend a helping hand.
This benefits them, too. According to The Journal of Positive Psychology, kindness connects people to others. Specifically, engaging in kindness creates social connectedness throughout people's relationships. This adds up as kindness can help people connect with others through empathizing.
Researchers also found that kindness is a great predictor of well-being and can even lessen symptoms like anxiety and depression.
5. They're in tune with the people around them
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Another incredible trait of children who grew up in happy homes is their ability to stay in tune with the people and environment around them. They don't hesitate to lend a helping hand if they notice their friends are in need, and they don't hesitate to ask, "What's wrong?" when they notice their partner is awfully quiet.
Though it might seem like magic, their ability to be in tune stems from their childhood. Their parents were always on top of their children's needs without making their kids feel like the center of the universe, or the only ones that mattered.
Instead, parents who raise kids in a happy home model compassion and empathy in how they treat strangers and their kids. This helps kids learn emotional attunement.
For example, they might say, "Hey, I noticed you seemed down lately. Do you want to talk about it?" They may also talk through what they observe, like, "Have you noticed the lady who delivers our mail hasn't been smiling as much? We should see if she's OK."
6. They manage responsibilities well
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If your child grew up in a happy home, it's likely they are great at managing responsibilities as an adult. They don't overwork themselves to the point of exhaustion, but they also don't procrastinate.
Parents who thoughtfully raised their kids understand that balance is key to raising highly successful and emotionally stable children. That's why parents who want a happy home find ways to help integrate that balance into their children's lives starting young and continuing into their teen years.
Furthermore, if you prioritized a happy home, you balanced all of this with showing love to your kids, unconditionally. Regardless of what mistakes they made or didn't make, your affection for them never changed. This helps kids balance responsibility because they want to achieve for themselves, not to earn their parents' love.
As the organization Connected Families advises, "unconditional love is not praise for positive behavior. When you express love in any context where children can possibly interpret your affection as conditional (based on their behavior), it loses its power as an expression of unconditional love."
7. They confidently express their feelings
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If your kids grew up in a happy home, they're not afraid expressing their emotions, and they don't feel bad or intimidated by saying, "What you said deeply hurt me." That's because you made them feel safe expressing needs, while guiding them to do so as kindly as possible.
According to a report in the journal Psychological Inquiry, emotionally expressive parents raise kids who have a better opportunity to know their emotions. Furthermore, these kids tend to have greater social competence and are better able to read and attune with other people's feelings.
8. They are accountable for their actions
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Taking accountability is difficult. After all, nobody wants to admit that they were wrong or made a mistake, but if your child grew up in a happy home, they likely feel comfortable saying, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake" when they mess up.
Unlike most, they don't view accountability as a sentencing. Instead, they view it as a way to move forward and grow within their professional relationships. That's because you, as their parents, modeled this healthy behavior by taking accountability frequently.
This can be challenging for parents, especially with tweens and teens, but research shows that non-defensive apologies from parents benefit adolescents well into adulthood. That's because appropriate parental accountability helps keep the relationship connected, which is valuable for tweens and teens.
This modeling of healthy behavior helped their children grow into adults who take accountability without fuss. In turn, their kids' current and future relationships now excel because of their ability to apologize, which is all thanks to their parents and the happy home they grew up in.
9. They're confident in themselves
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Another sign your child grew up in a happy home is their level of self-assurance. Confident people likely have parents who focused on building authentic self-worth.
Authentic self-worth doesn't mean over-hyping kids or praised them for everything. It means recognizing effort, growth and commitment as well as emotional and personal growth.
A research published in Environmental Research and Public Health found that psychological control and shame were associated with lower self-esteem. On the contrary, as the authors write, "The higher the score on the affect and communication, promotion of autonomy, humor, and self-disclosure variables, the higher life satisfaction was."
Parents who uplift their children do more than increase their children's self-worth. They also improve their relationship with their child and, by extension, their child's overall well-being.
10. They are grateful for the little things in life.
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If your child grew up in a happy home, it's highly likely they're grateful for the little things in life. They were taught to see what's good in their lives and to consciously acknowledge what they're grateful for.
Ideally, this isn't used to guilt-trip or make their kids feel bad. Rather, it's used to teach them to appreciate the little things in life. Parents of kids in happy homes make an effort to model this behavior by expressing gratitude for the little things themselves.
This modeled behavior, combined with this ideology, leads these now-adult children to be humble and grateful for the opportunities and privileges they were given.
Research published in The National Library of Medicine used a questionnaire to find that gratefulness is associated with overall well-being. Gratitude is a powerful practice, and one that great parents teach their kids.
11. They stand up for what they believe in
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While not everyone can be a hero who dedicates their lives to making the world a better place, if your child grew up in a happy home, they likely feel confident "calling in" people whose actions cause harm. They know that they cannot control other people's choices, but they try their best to give others a different, more compassionate perspective by inviting them into conversation vs. shaming them or simply ignoring them.
According to a guidebook from Concordia University, calling in "involves inviting people into conversation in a supportive manner to encourage accountability and transformation of behaviour." It is said to not only be a more effective tool for creating change, it actually helps lower tensions compared to standard "call-out culture" often seen online and in high-conflict situations.
In her book, Talk To Your Boys, author Joanna Schroeder shares that there are many ways to teach kids to stand up for what they believe in, but one of the most important ones is to model this level of integrity in your own life.
"While the internet, their peers and other adults do influence who our kids become," she told us in an interview, "kids learn their values by watching parents. It's less about what you tell them to do and more what you do in challenging situations that is instructive." Thus, if you have an adult child with the rare trait of being willing to stand up for what they believe in, it's probably because of what you modeled in your happy home.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology.
