Grandparents Who Are Always Welcome At Their Adult Kids' Homes Do These 5 Things Differently
The best grandparents aren't built differently, they just do a few things more thoughtfully.
Gorodenkoff | Shutterstock As grandparents, we always have our adult kids in mind, and even if they're no longer children, we can still learn how to be a good parent and communicate with them without being overbearing and overstepping our bounds.
These tips are great to follow whether you are physically staying with your child or if you are just visiting and staying nearby. You can also apply these tips if you are staying with friends.
Grandparents who are always welcome at their adult kids' homes do these 5 things differently
1. They only offer advice when asked
I have a lot of helpful tips that I offer regularly to my clients. It’s like the saying, "If you see something, say something." These tips just pour out of me as I’m working with a client on a project. If I see something that I can tweak for my client, I offer the advice.
I have learned that my children are not always so receptive.
I remember that I’m not there as a professional organizer. I am there as a mom. If my children ask for help with something specific, then I offer advice.
The same holds for my clients. I offer advice only as it pertains to that which we are focusing our attention. If I see something that can be tweaked in a different area, I hold the thought until we are focusing our energy on that spot.
2. They give advice, but do not lecture
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Remember, your children are adults. I am a former teacher and can sometimes say more than I need to on a given topic.
I have learned that my children are not my students and to give my advice succinctly. If they want more information or details, they will ask.
3. They offer help, don't insist
As a guest in my son’s house, I have, from time to time, offered to do laundry, cook a meal, wash the dishes, and so on. Sometimes, my offer is accepted, and sometimes it is not.
I have learned that when my offer to help is not accepted, there are reasons to which I may not be privy.
4. They know when to be silent
As a grandmother, I have said numerous times, "When you were a baby, I…"
I am learning that this is not always helpful. Times have changed. Methods have changed.
My mother had things to say about the way I did things when my boys were babies. After a while, she stopped sharing. Now, I’m learning to keep some (not all) of my thoughts to myself.
5. They ask first
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I’m finding that asking my children how they would like to do something is best. Even for my single son, if I ask him when he would like to meet up or how he would like to do something, it’s a win for both of us.
Think about how you would feel if someone (even someone you love) were opening drawers, cupboards, closets, putting away laundry, or looking for something without asking you first? It's an invasion of privacy. There may be something in one of those drawers that you don't want to share with anyone but yourself!
I always ask clients if I may open a drawer, a cupboard, or a door. Asking permission gives the client control.
Asking my children also gives them control, which is appropriate since they are now adults living on their own.
I've just returned home from visiting both my children. I had a fabulous time and am so thankful to know my children are fine. My sons are both adults and both live near the West Coast. As I live in Atlanta, I don’t see them very often.
One of my sons lives near San Francisco and has a family. Since I am now a grandmother, I make a point to visit him and his family more often so that I get to know my granddaughter. My other son lives on the Nevada side of Lake Tahoe. I am not a fan of snow or cold weather, which is the reason I only plan a visit to him in the summer.
This year, I decided to plan a longer visit to the West Coast. I flew into San Francisco and stayed with my son and his family over a long weekend. On the following Monday, I rented a car and drove to Lake Tahoe to visit my other son.
He lives in a tiny one-room loft condo and doesn’t have room for visitors, so I stayed nearby in a hotel.
Keeping these few tips in mind, let me have a wonderful visit with my children. I have come away with great photos and happy memories of the time spent together. I know they feel the same way. I hope these tips help you have a happy visit with your adult children.
Diane N. Quintana is a Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Professional Organizer in Chronic Disorganization®, Master Trainer, and owner of DNQ Solutions, LLC, based in Atlanta, Georgia. Reach out to Diane to learn how to become organized and strategies and solutions for maintaining order in your life.
