The Art Of Letting Go: 3 Simple Habits Of Naturally Tranquil People
True tranquility is about mastering the small habits that keep your mind light.
Jorik Kleen | Unsplash One joyous, accessible way to become and be more fully yourself is to experiment with your sense of humor and playfulness. Some of your unique abilities in this regard include your instincts and intuition. They are catalysts for expressing your charm and creativity. They also help convert any negative self-judgments into the fun and adventure of self-discovery.
How do I know this? I see this process in my clients as they become more comfortable with being themselves, and from my own experiences. Paying attention to everyday situations over the years has also confirmed this view. What have you noticed and felt as you relaxed into being yourself and appreciated how others do that?
As you may imagine, this blossoming process takes some time and practice, as well as openness with yourself and initially with people you trust. Curiosity about your own potential also helps. Here are a few ways you can learn how to let go by being your most tranquil self.
Here are three simple habits of naturally tranquil people:
1. They build trust with other people through authenticity
For example, when I was starting my first career as a diplomat at 23, I thought I had to be serious to be taken seriously. I was more concerned about how others would judge me than about being myself.
Yet, I soon learned that authenticity was a crucial part of building trust with colleagues and people from other cultures. So was gaining insight from snafus, which were never as bad as they seemed at the time. This approach is beneficial in personal situations as well, I think.
Research shows that people who develop what researchers call adaptive authenticity, which means remaining true to core values while expanding behavioral repertoires. They experience significantly lower anxiety levels and greater emotional stability.
2. They let go of guessing about or conforming to others’ expectations
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First, trust your own intuition and choices. As I became more confident, I realized that, except for the people I really cared about most, others were neither paying attention nor judging me that closely.
That freed me to take chances in expressing what was really on my mind, within reason, of course. So, I could volunteer to deal with a mob when I worked in Calcutta because I sensed they would be so taken aback by a 25-year-old woman, I would be safe — especially behind the gates of the U.S. Consulate!
Research shows that constantly trying to anticipate and meet others' expectations creates a significant cognitive load, impairing our ability to make clear decisions. People who learn to trust their own judgment and ignore perceived social pressures demonstrate improved problem-solving abilities and more creative thinking.
3. They use humor in everyday situations
I enjoyed finding my inner ham and playful side. As I became more open and authentic, so did my professional and personal relationships. In my generally stuffy place of employment, I hung a poster of a female prime minister with, “But can she type?” under her photo. Anyone interested could easily sense my feminist inclinations from that.
Research consistently shows that people who naturally incorporate humor into daily life experience significantly lower stress levels and greater overall tranquility. This mental agility is a hallmark of tranquil people who can go with the flow rather than rigidly resisting life's surprises.
Feeling freer and natural, others often responded in kind, partly because I was not filtering every word in advance through a sieve of propriety. I also learned I was funny from others’ laughter. That contributed to my fun, as I enjoyed the sometimes unconscious surprises that came out of my mouth.
My punny side ran rampant with those I sensed wanted to play with words. How can you let out some of your secret sauce for success?
You may not appreciate your humorous side until you take some reasonable risks to open up in unaccustomed ways. I don’t mean being a loud boor or constantly jolly. Sometimes it’s just a matter of subtle body language, such as doing a double-take or raising your eyebrows.
Ruth Schimel, Ph.D., is a career and life management consultant and author of the Choose Courage series. She guides clients in accessing their strengths and making viable visions for current and future work and life situations.
