6 Habits Of Grandparents Who Build Unbreakable Bonds With Their Grandchildren
The strongest grandparent-grandchild relationships don't happen by accident.
RgStudio | Canva Forest hikes with my grandpa sowed seeds of connectivity between us. Those hikes formed a bond I still feel decades after he departed from life. Salmon berry, thimble berry, licorice root, spring pine tips, and thistle: those flavors mixed with his words in my developing brain.
Today, I can almost summon my grandfather's scent from the time we squatted next to a broken top pine tree. He knew all the best treats along the trail. His knowledge was a balm against the bullies.
The bond, like the one I had with my grandfather, can be one of the most meaningful relationships in a family — a mix of love and wisdom — but the strongest connections don't just happen by chance. They happen by choice, and these six habits are what set the most unforgettable grandparents apart.
Here are six habits of grandparents who build unbreakable bonds with their grandchildren:
1. They create traditions
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Couples therapist Mary Kay Cocharo recognizes that time is an important aspect of having an unbreakable bond with her grandchildren. As a grandparent to two gorgeous little girls who live far away in Europe, she has had to find ways to build strong bonds with them.
One is that she travels to them as often as possible. She regularly spends time with them on Halloween, Christmas, Spring Break, and each summer. This has become their tradition, and they count on it. She also makes time each Sunday morning to read to them.
They have a nine-hour time difference, so she gets up with a cup of coffee and reads while the grandchildren are tucked in their beds in France. They love this ritual and enjoy turning the pages! It's almost like their grandmother is there beside them.
2. They don't overstep
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Grandparents with unbreakable bonds don’t interfere with the parents even when they disagree (unless, obviously, the child is being harmed), cautions family coach Kathy Ramsperger. They don’t forget birthdays, and they will send a gift instead of a card with money.
They know the best gift is spending time with their grandchild doing something they both enjoy. All of this builds a lasting friendship based on mutual respect and common interests.
3. They make their grandchild feel seen
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Career and life coach Lisa Petsinis suggests a grandparent who makes a habit of offering quiet, intentional gestures, like a lingering hug, a hand to hold, or steady eye contact, is speaking a language beyond words. In those moments, a child feels unconditionally loved and deeply understood.
The sensations imprint themselves into physical memory, becoming an anchor the child can return to no matter the difficulties they face later in life. An enduring sense of being seen and cherished forms a bond that cannot be broken.
Research on aging and intergenerational family relationships discussed how grandparent-adult grandchild relationships are seen as "friendships, involving mutual trust, shared confidences, and personal choice. Overall, grandparent-grandchild relationships often grow more profound and meaningful as grandparents and grandchildren age and move through the life course."
4. They are present
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Attorney Jennifer Hargrave says grandparents who know how to be present with their grandchildren, and who truly delight in them, create bonds that last a lifetime. As a young child, I felt that delight from my own grandparents. They knew the games we loved (Sorry!, Skipbo, Uno, Gin Rummy, and Dominos) and happily played alongside us.
I also watched my parents pour that same joy into their grandchildren. My mother took toddlers on nature walks and always had baking supplies ready for the older kids. Forts filled the living room with pillows everywhere. Both of my parents inspired a sense of adventure, whether it was a trip to the zoo, an outing downtown, or, as the kids grew older, travels overseas.
Because of these experiences, my children always knew there were adults beyond their parents who were deeply interested in them. That bond shaped them into adventurous adults with strong values, many of which were instilled through their grandparents' love and presence.
I am forever grateful for that gift. And if I am lucky enough to one day become a grandparent, I hope I can offer the same sense of delight, adventure, and love to the next generation.
5. They give more than they receive
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Grandparents give endlessly to their loved ones because they recognize how important family is, and your happiness is their happiness, explains author Erica Gordon. They’ve realized in their old age that giving feels a lot better than getting. That’s why grandparents give and give and give without ever wanting anything in return.
There is so much wisdom you can soak up from your wise grandparents, who have been around the world and back, seen it, done it, made that mistake, made it again, and learned what really matters in life. They probably know exactly what you shouldn’t take for granted when you’re younger, exactly what you shouldn’t waste your time doing, and exactly what (and who) you should prioritize in life.
6. They own their mistakes
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Author Lisa Holliday knows from experience that it's always easier to point the finger at someone else rather than to accept the consequences of your own actions. Grandmothers in particular aren’t afraid of difficult questions. They don’t hide from the choices they made, and if they make a mistake, they will own it. We have years of experience on our side, and as we age, fear doesn’t control us as much.
When my grandfather sat with me at the base of the broken top pine, he was sowing seeds of awareness and teaching about all the details you have to pay attention to when foraging. His wisdom rooted in my mind, our bond grew deeper and stronger.
I didn't care how my cousins rallied behind that one uncle to call me "grapenuts" because I knew I was learning knowledge far beyond the power of words. That is the power of a grandparent's bond. It surpasses and supersedes the slings and arrows of others. A strong bond with a grandparent grows into the vines we climb through life.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
