9 Things Pretty Much Every Good Kid Wishes Their Parents Acknowledged About Them
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Every child wants their parents to see the best in them. Yes, a supportive relationship between parents and children means those kids will be more confident and successful, but kids really just want to feel loved.
Kids who are sweet and well-behaved often go unnoticed by the adults around them. Since they never get in trouble, their parents focus on the family member who have more obvious needs. This can affect these good kids deeply.
9 things good kids wish their parents would acknowledge about them:
1. They are worth so much more than just the 'perfect child' image
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Good kids do a lot of things well. Parents can get so used to them making good grades and never causing problems that when they inevitably fall short, they lose their cool.
While they would tell another child to keep working hard and try again next time, they won’t be able to hide their disappointment in their seemingly perfect kid. Instead of recognizing the effort they put in, they just see the failure.
Kids need to know that their parents and other supportive adults see how hard they’re trying, even when they fall short. The effort is usually just as important as the accomplishment, but it’s easy for parents to lose sight of that when they expect the best.
2. They deserve to be seen and loved, even when they're not achieving
People of all ages struggle with thinking their worth is tied to their accomplishments. Since there’s always more to do, they get trapped in a cycle of always trying to prove how valuable they are.
Kids deserve a pat on the back when they do something well, but that can become toxic if they think their parents are only proud of them when they achieve something new. They need their parents to acknowledge that, while their success is great, it doesn’t define who they are.
3. They always seem fine, but often they are not
When someone’s sad, there are usually subtle changes in their behavior, even though they can be hard to spot. The problem is that a lot of parents don’t think to look for those signs in their good kids. They’re so used to them being alright that they don’t expect anything different.
Good kids might be going through something really hard but masking it well so they can keep their image intact. Their parents won’t always be able to tell they’re struggling just by looking at them, which is why they need to ask questions and keep track of what’s going on in their lives.
Even the best kids can’t be totally self-sufficient. They’re still learning about expressing their emotions, and they need their parents to help them with that.
4. They feel exhausted by everyone’s expectations but don't know how to say it
Good kids are the ones who are always told they’re a pleasure to have in class and they have a bright future ahead of them. That’s meant to sound encouraging, but it can also give them the impression that they have to do big things to make everyone proud. To make matters worse, they often don't know how to explain exactly how exhausted they are.
Expectations sometimes push people to reach their full potential. At other times they make them feel like they aren’t measuring up. For kids who feel like they have gigantic expectations placed on their shoulders, it’s going to overwhelm them instead of spurring them on.
5. Doing the right thing on their own isn't always easy and deserve support, too
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In the chaos of parenting, problems feel like they need immediate attention. No one’s going to focus on what’s going right when 20 different things are going wrong.
That puts good kids at a disadvantage. They don’t need to be reminded to do the right thing, so they can fall through the cracks pretty easily. Their parents aren’t trying to leave them out, but it still happens.
Whether it’s recognition for the good things they do without being told or just some undivided attention, good kids want their parents to spend just as much time with them as they do with their siblings who need more guidance.
6. They hate when other kids are told to act or achieve like they do
Pretty much every kid has heard their parents compare them to one of their siblings or friends at some point. It can be so indirect that the parents don’t realize what they’re doing, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.
People talk a lot about the harm caused when parents tell their naughty kid to behave like a good child, like their sibling (and that does do harm). But being the gold standard example everyone uses to show their kids what makes a kid good is also terrible. It causes resentment between kids and can make the so-called good child feel ashamed.
Each child is different, and all kids deserve equal love and attention. Even the ones that are already doing well.
7. They want to hear their parents praise them
Some parents end up saving all of their praise for children whose good behavior is surprising. It’s understandable that they would want to highlight the good things they weren’t expecting from trouble-makers, but that puts good kids in an awkward position.
Since they always do well, their parents are used to it. They’ll praise them less and less over time without even realizing it because it becomes the norm for them.
But kids feel motivated to continue the behavior their parents point out. If they never say anything about how amazing they are, it’s going to be harder for them to keep meeting their expectations.
8. They still need time to act like a kid
Even the most mature kids are still just kids. They might act differently than other children or have other interests, but they still aren’t ready to take on heavy responsibilities.
It harms kids’ emotional development when they’re forced to act like adults. If parents forget that and think they can handle more, it’s almost certain to backfire.
Being a good kid doesn’t mean a child went through years of progress overnight. They have to be able to act like a kid in whatever way feels right to them regardless of their skills.
9. They can’t be perfect
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Perfectionism is so widespread now that kids feel more pressure to be perfect coming from themselves and from others. But no one can be perfect, especially during childhood, and they shouldn’t feel like they have to be.
Good kids can get good grades, be good friends, and help around the house, but they still aren’t going to be perfect. It’s better for parents to make sure they know that’s impossible early on instead of waiting until they’ve been hurt by decades of perfectionism.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
