12 Ways To Build Confidence In Your Relationship & Stop Feeling Insecure

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12 Ways To Build Confidence In Your Relationship

Even the most rock-solid couples feel insecure about their relationships sometimes. 

As part of a YourTango survey, we asked readers to fill in the blank: "I have the most confidence in my relationship when my partner/spouse ____." The top two most popular answers were "compliments me/tells me how he or she feels about me" and "really listens to me/gives me his or her full attention."

But what do other couples have to say? How do you build confidence alongside your partner?

We asked our experts to weigh in with their best suggestions. Here's what they had to say about how to be more confident in a relationship.

RELATED: 15 Make-Or-Break Ways Your Self-Esteem Affects Your Relationship

1. Stay in the present. 

On a daily basis, take time for yourself to clear your mind and set your intention for how you will be in your relationship. Repeat positive affirmations that reinforce the feelings that you want to feel.

2. Get real. 

Take stock of your relationship as it is and identify the wonderful things that you're already experiencing, as well as concrete examples of things you would like to improve.

Express gratitude for your blessings every day, and know that you have the power to respond with love in all other areas, and exercise your power to create a life that excites you.

3. Get over it. 

Ask yourself why you have allowed your confidence to falter in this relationship. Is it possible that you sabotage your relationship with negative patterns of behavior driven by a little but loud voice that says you aren't worthy of love?

Acknowledging limiting beliefs is important, but so is learning to let them go.

4. Get clear. 

Clarity breeds confidence, while fear and doubt threaten your self-esteem. See yourself in the relationship of your dreams and imagine all you want is possible.

5. Get engaged. 

While this may be a side effect of your newfound confidence, this step is really about engaging yourself in a commitment to create a life that excites you.

Make a declaration, because you're worthy of having a loving and fulfilling relationship. Believe that you have the capacity to love and be loved.

6. Get serious. 

Actions speak louder than words, so start making confident choices that are true to your commitment and your vision. Your confidence will soar, and you will reap the rewards because you're stepping into your power and making your choices count.

RELATED: 7 Important Relationship Lessons From Confident People

7. Seek support. 

Naturally, your biggest supporter in this relationship is your partner, so share your dreams and challenges with him or her. Communicate the changes you would like to make, and express your feelings and your intentions with confidence.

8. Avoid eye rolls and sighs. 

Whenever I see couples responding to each other with eye rolls or sighs, I give them a 50 percent chance of making it. Why? Because it shows contempt.

It's very difficult to respond openly or lovingly to someone who has contempt for you. So, if openness and loving is what you want from your partner, stop rolling your eyes.

9. Express gratitude. 

Before complaining to your partner about something, thank him for something he did for you today.

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By expressing gratitude, you alter your biochemistry. One big benefit is that your posture, tone of voice and facial expression also change toward your partner.

10. Touch each other. 

Sex and sensuality are two different things, and all relationships require them both.

Contrary to popular belief, sensual touching does not have to lead to sex. Prove it to yourself: Plan a playful and sensual date night with your spouse that does not include sex.

11. Exercise often. 

This will not only make you feel better about yourself physically, but it will also improve your mood and help boost hormones. Resistance training has shown to increase sex hormones while tightening those trouble spots.

12. Eat well. 

Eating better food will clear your mind and boost your energy.

When people go off diets or eat poorly, they often get down on themselves. This mental baggage can carry over into daily activities and relationships. So, add fruit and veggies into your daily routine and skip processed foods.

RELATED: The Real Reason You Have No Confidence In Your Relationships

Lisa L. Payne is a life transitions coach, motivational speaker, and author of the book, "What If They Knew? Secrets of an Impressive Woman."

Ashley E. Seeger, LCSW is a psychotherapist. She specializes in couples' counseling and can be reached via her website, Couples Counseling Boulder.

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