Photo: Unsplash: frankie cordoba
Loose lips sink ships, so ...
By Todd Creager — Written on Dec 17, 2018
You've probably heard the term, 'dirty talk,' but you might not really be sure how to talk dirty without feeling awkward.
Talking dirty to each other is a kind of sex play involving sensual or sexual words, statements and questions meant to arouse your partner (or yourself) and ignite your imagination, heightening pleasure before and during sex.
Using dirty talk stimulates several of your partner’s major senses at once, as they hear your words, watch them form on your mouth, and feel you breathe them on their neck and other erogenous zones.
It's also a great way for lovers to express their wants and needs in the heat of the moment.
Of course, talking dirty to your partner doesn't mean you need to be vulgar or go so far outside of your comfort zone that you can’t take yourself seriously. You can learn how to dirty talk in the way you feel most comfortable.
If you're willing to take a playful risk, talking dirty can be a sexy way to stretch your limits, bring your relationship to an edgier state, and have truly great sex.
If you've never talked dirty to your partner before, preferring to stay nice and polite, you can talk to each other in advance about what you would like to hear and say that is outside the norm for you.
Keep in mind that even mild dirty talk can be titillating and exciting.
An example of mild dirty talk might be something like, "You are so hot that I get turned on just looking at you."
Or, you say can something about how excited you are and what you want to do, such as, "I'm going to touch you over here right now, and when I do, you won’t be able to control yourself."
It's up to each couple could decide for themselves how racy and raunchy they want to get.
Words many people think of as vulgar can be especially exciting for some men and women, and it's up to you to make your own personal rules. What's exciting for some people may be a turn-off for others. Talk about what you do and do not like, set boundaries and enjoy yourselves.
Some people are incredibly reserved when it comes to playing these kinds of games in the bedroom, but there's no shame in finding out what sexy talk works for you and what doesn't!
Getting a sense of the right sexy things to say to your partner in particular can be a deeply invigorating experience. After all, sex should be about pleasure-seeking, not just achieving a goal.
Additionally, many couples find dirty talk enhances their kinky play with power exchange games, in which one partner is the Dominant and the other is the submissive.
In this context, words can be used to tease and can accentuate the temporary power differential between partners. Of course, this is play and as such, should be contained within the sexual arena.
The overriding theme of dirty talk should be playful and never meant to be disrespectful in any way.
Dirty play done right can be a loving, fun way to bring out some of the latent parts of yourself and your partner, and should be done within the safe confines of an intimate relationship in which both partners trust one another.
Do some Internet research if you need help coming up with specific things to say that resonate with you, or better yet, that will arouse you and your partner.
Take care and go have a lot of sexy fun with your partner!
Todd Creager is a therapist and expert in relationships who has specialized in marriage, sex, and couples counseling for more than 30 years. For more information, drop him an e-mail.
This article was originally published at Todd Creager. Reprinted with permission from the author.