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Helpful and empowering ways to connect with someone you are romantically attracted to.
By Suzanne Kyra — Written on Apr 03, 2018
What is a crush? You know what it is! A crush is having a strong attraction for someone. But for your crush to have a chance at succeeding, it needs to be more than your desire for someone.
You need a mutual attraction between you.
So, how do you get your crush to notice you, like you, and make it mutually successful?
First remember the words: mutual attraction.
What to do:
We all have known several crushes in our lifetime, no matter how young we are. What is this telling us? Yes, many crushes come and go. So go easy on yourself as you pursue your crush.
Remember, when your crush appears, you might feel and act like a teenager again. You will have obsessive thoughts on this special someone. You might keep asking yourself, "Does he like me? Do I like him? How will I know?"
Having a crush on someone is like a see-saw of emotions. Emotions motivate us all to pursue deeper contact. These emotions churn throughout our body. Sometimes turning you inside out. It can make you feel like you are all over the map when you think of your crush. Being realistic and focused on the here and now helps calm the ungrounded emotions.
Are you familiar with the saying "sailors' legs"? Seasoned sailors are able to weather storms, without losing their balance. Our inner sea of emotions can be as threatening to us as the sea storms on a sailor. Like a sailor, proceed in your pursuit in a balanced and focused manner. Develop emotional sailor's legs.
Be unstoppable in getting your crush to like you, unless there is s healthy reason to stop! No matter how afraid, shy, or confused you become, stay attached on how to get your crush to notice you.
Like a dog with a bone, there is no letting go. Devise creative and "accidental" ways to get your crush to see you. Show your sparkle. Be exciting, alive, and stay present.
Introduce yourself, show respect, and gentle attraction to your crush. Show genuine interest in his world. Give your crush reasons to notice you, and think about you when you are not with him or her.
How do you do this? Show that you are interesting, humorous, intelligent, reliable, honest, compassionate, and beautiful. This is like you are a hopin’ and a prayin’ that your crush is all these things also.
Wanting your crush to admire and trust you, and feel safe with you, you need to be this person. Ask yourself, who are you? What would this person enjoy, and need from you? What would this person find exciting and gratifying? Create a mission and a vision when you meet your crush. Be a little bit mysterious, a little bit naughty, a little bit playful, and a whole lot of you.
Show your crush that you are in love with your life, even when you are struggling. Be strong and loving with yourself and with those you encounter. The result is many people want to be with you. Your crush will not forget this. Your crush will be begging to be with you, if you are the right fit for each other.
It takes time to get to know each other. A step at a time is the highway to growing a healthy relationship. Remembering this will keep you grounded as your emotions and desires envelop you.
What NOT to do:
Do not be reactive, impulsive, superior, or inferior, or talk about politics, or religion when getting to know your crush. Taking a one down or one-up position always breaks the connection. Be patient with yourself, and the process of getting your crush to like you. Journal writing will help you with the process of checking in on how you are doing.
Create an atmosphere that compels your crush tells you stories about their life. It is important to actively listen without intruding. Avoid explaining back to your crush what you think you heard. Please do not jump into telling your story.
Hold the space for your crush’s experience in a most authentic and sensitive manner. The more personal awareness you have, the better you will be at this dance of connection. This exchange requires high emotional intelligence from you.
If your crush begins to tell a too intimate or traumatic story about his or her life, tactfully change the topic. The content is too heavy for the tender connection of attraction, you are building between the two of you. You do not want your crush to identify you with her or his previous unhappiness.
Avoid judging your crush’s friends, family, or work. Observe and see how their world is a healthy fit for you. Just because you might be uneasy with your crush’s world, it does not mean that it is bad for you. It can be an opportunity for your personal growth. Stay grounded in reality and look at the bigger picture.
Do not speak about the dramas, health problems, or the past crushes in your life. It is not your crush’s business and it hurts that romantic feeling. These more serious talks are for later. Decide, first, whether there is healthy chemistry between you both.
It's not only about getting your crush to like you. It is about you liking yourself and sharing yourself with your crush.
Do not take yourself too seriously. Keep a sense of humor, for the road to connection has many twists and turns, as you get your crush to like you.
I recall my first date with my crush. I was insanely nervous. I read everything I could read on dating. What to expect on a date. How to behave on a date. The do’s and don’ts on a date. What is important to remember on a date.
I was a textbook scholar on dating. I turned my naturally fun self into the dullest nerd you could ever meet.
My date night with my crush completely exhausted me, I tried so hard to do everything really right. I was a complete two-dimensional facade of myself. I was so nervous. I am certain I changed my outfit a million, zillion times. I then wore the first outfit I chose the week before for my date.
So what happened?
He picked me up at my home. We went to see a movie with another couple.That was a relief, no talking. Except, I laughed too often in the theatre and there were moments I was the only one laughing. I so did not want to be me, so he would like me.
How weird is this? Like me, so I must be someone else, for my crush to like me. Is this twisted or what?
After the movie, we then went to an informal cafe. This is when things became crazy for me. The spell was broken and I took the opportunity to finally become me. I was wearing a cropped shirt, short skirt, and tall boots. I felt pretty, sexy, and quite uncomfortable.
When we walked into the cafe he pulled out a chair, like it said, in the dating books he would. Duh? What did I expect? Of course, he would. But, I expected something different than what happened. I proceeded to sit on the chair. This is when things went crazy for me. Rather than me sitting on the chair, he sat on it, and I landed on my bum on the floor with my legs up in the air.
I immediately corrected myself. I got up, looked at him, and said, finally with a sincere laugh. "I can tell, you have not been reading the same dating books that I have been reading."
We both then laughed and laughed. With much laughter, I told my anxiety story of being prepared for the date. Well, I relaxed, he relaxed, and the wall of fear came down and we had fun being ourselves.
Good Luck! Enjoy who you are as you pursue your special crush.
Suzanne Kyra is a Registered Clinical Counselor, life and leadership coach, personal development speaker, and award-winning author. Read more of her personal development blogs on her website.