#1 - Sex after Abstaining
Some things are worth waiting for, including mindblowing sex. While the qualifications for incredible intimacy vary, for many new couples, the wait period is often dependent upon having gone on “x” number of dates, having been together for a certain length of time, or having fallen hopelessly in love.
Equally wait-worthy: holding out for super sex once you’ve started sleeping together, as Mike*, knows: “I was going out with a girl and knew that we’d get better in bed with time - and we did. At first, we were all elbows and over-thinking. I knew she wasn't letting herself go. But slowly, we fell into stride and things were amazing. Most guys don't realize that much of a woman's sexual pleasure comes in having a strong comfort level with her man.”
While temporary abstinence isn’t for everyone, there are benefits to holding off on all out intercourse. Comfort is key for both partners in having phenomenal sex, and this is often based on familiarity, how good you feel about the relationship, and whether or not you hold the same sexual values.
Furthermore, stoking the flames of your libidinal desires for a prolonged period of time can make for even hotter action when the two of you finally do decide to go all of the way. Couples just have to make sure that they’re on the same page with this type of sex, which can only be done through intimate discussions, where you share what sex means to you and the role you want it to play in your relationship.
This is especially important in making sure that a partner doesn’t misread a lack of sex for a lack of interest, because for most this is certainly not the case. There are simply lovers who believe the tortoise does win the race when it comes to sexual relationship success.
Waiting for great sex is not always easy, but good things do come to those who wait. A little bit of patience can make for major rewards, allowing you to focus on other intimate joys, a.k.a. coping mechanisms, like erotic massages or oral sex, until you’re ready for fireworks that will have you both hungering for more.
#2 – Kiss & Make Up Sex
Nothing can get you in the mood like a good… fight? That’s right – when you argue, your pulse soars, making you feel warmer, charged, and more alive. While not an ideal form of foreplay, the best part about fighting with your partner is, hands down, the make up sex. It is unquestionably the sweetest way to end your argument and keep your relationship in perspective, helping you to appreciate what you have to lose.
“I find it very healing,” shares Stella.* “It tends to be really good and more passionate. Make up sex reinforces our love and need for each other and why we’re staying together, trying to make things work out no matter what. When I’m back in his arms after a heated argument, I feel safe – and a huge sense of relief.”
With lovers’ guards down, make up sex can be some of the most lustful loving ever known. In fact, some people, like Aaron*, have intentionally sought out such sex for its aphrodisiac qualities – it’s that good:
“I was dating this woman whom I would intentionally piss off so that when we had make up sex she would "get out of her head" and have unbridled fun. For example, if we were in the kitchen, I would start complaining that she didn't know how to cook. Even though she was an aspiring Donna Reed, I’d intentionally start riding her about not being a world class chef. I knew it pressed her buttons. This would inevitably lead to her trying to "one up me". These little arguments over frivolous things created great sexual tension.”
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This article was originally published at Sinclair Institute . Reprinted with permission from the author.