6 Expert Flirting Tips From My Married Flirty Friend

My married friend Eva is a natural flirt. She'll teach you how to flirt like a pro!

By Sandy Weiner — Written on Feb 11, 2015

My married friend Eva is an expert flirt. She's been married for decades and loves her husband, and she naturally flirts with everyone she meets. Me? I'm a woman who was never comfortable flirting. I used to think it was fake or a sexual invitation that I wasn't ready to make. I didn't want to lead people on.

As a dating coach and a woman dating after my divorce, I've changed my approach to flirting. I now think it's a natural part of courtship, and it's important to get your flirt on if you want to attract a good man. That's why I'm fascinated with people like Eva who flirt with ease. It's part of her DNA.

I wanted to understand the secrets to her natural inner flirt. So, when we got together for our annual museum date, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, I seized the opportunity to find out the secrets to her flirting skills.

As we entered the museum, she was adjusting her sunglasses on top of her head. The guard at the door said, "Your hair looks great just the way it is." She quickly responded, "You have great hair, too! I love the salt and pepper look. You've got a good thing going on!"

Flirting tip number 1. Compliment him. He'll love it.

Next up was the guy at the ticket desk. With a big smile on her face, Eva charmed her way to a free ticket. Note that she wasn't trying to pick up either of these guys. There was no sexual innuendo. Just playful flirtation.

After our museum visit, I sat down with Eva on the museum steps to find out more about her flirting techniques to learn a thing or two about the art of flirting from a flirting pro.

What I learned about flirting from my married friend

Me: Eva, you flirt with everyone. How come?

Eva: I don't see it as flirting as much as my natural tendency as an extrovert. I am a connector. I have a joke with my oldest daughter that every time I leave the house, I make a new friend!

Me: Many of my clients, and me included until recently, believe that flirting is not a natural skill. It feels fake, inauthentic, and overtly sexually solicitous. What do you say about that?

Eva: Flirting is fun for me. I love people. I guess it's a form of networking. What's wrong with brightening someone's day? Or finding out a little bit about a passing stranger? For me, it's not at all about sex.

Me: I've learned to make eye contact with strangers and say something nice to them. Just validating that a cashier is doing a good job or that I like someone's tie can make their day. It feels great to contribute to someone's day, right?

Eva: I agree!

Me: What about the fact that you're married. Do you think it changes the way you flirt in any way?

Eva: Marriage is a perfect foil for me when it comes to how I interact with men. I feel that it gives me a sort of protection. Men know I'm married. I'm just having fun, but there's a boundary.

Me: I agree. And I think flirting when you're single affords you great practice in being comfortable with all people. That way, when it comes to a date with someone you like, someone who might make you nervous, you'll relax more easily.

Eva: For me, the perfect flirt is with a gay guy. I have a gay business partner. We are two peas in a pod. I am so relaxed with him, because I know there's no sexual interest. We love hanging out together outside of business.

Me: Without sexual possibility, it's easy to relax and be yourself. However, when there is romantic interest, what would you say is a good flirting technique?

Eva: Smile. Make eye contact. Notice something about their appearance and comment on it.

Me: Great ideas! One of my favorites is the hair flip. If you want to grab a man's attention, playing with your hair or touching your neck can really pique his sexual interest, but not in an overt "come hither" kind of way.

Eva: I love that one!