How To Make A Man Interested In You (Without Looking Desperate)

You don't have to chase him.

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When we fall in love with a man and want a relationship with him, it's normal to worry that if we don't show enough interest, he might get the wrong message and drift away.

We want to make sure the guy knows just how much we like him — and especially want to know how to make him interested in a relationship with us long-term.

So we often do things we think show affection, like:

  • Reach out to share something interesting you just read or to tell him you heard a great band playing somewhere.
  • Touch base because you haven't heard from him today or try to nail down your weekend plans together in advance.
  • Initiate contact by calling him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, or dropping by his house unannounced.
  • Ask him how he feels about you or your relationship.
  • Invite him to come and join you for a specific activity or act like the social director of the relationship in any way.



At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he'll just see you as being friendly, maybe even take it as a compliment and want to get closer to you.

But doing any of these things makes it seem like you're the one chasing him and shifts you into masculine energy, which could actually be scaring him away.

RELATED: 6 Real (And Super Frustrating) Reasons Why Men Pull Away Emotionally

Your overly attentive behaviors could actually setting off his internal alarms.

At best, when a man feels even a little bit pursued, he’ll feel he doesn’t have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts. At worse, he'll start to feel more than just "pursued" — he might start to feel annoyed.


If you keep checking in with him in all those "friendly" little ways (that are really about getting the reassurance YOU need), he’ll start to get that "chased feeling."

And then he'll do what any of us would do when feeling crowded, smothered, or pressured: He'll start pulling AWAY.

Whether we realize it or not, the urge to do all of these friendly things comes from just one place — our fear of losing a man by failing to let him know we’re interested in him. But we couldn’t be more wrong by giving in to this fear, or be in worse danger of scaring a man off for good.

This type of "chasing" behavior is like an alarm going off for a man. It not only sends him the message that you're insecure in yourself, it sends him in an overly aggressive vibe that makes him feel uncomfortable, even trapped.


To say the least, all of this makes you less attractive to him and makes sure he won't feel inspired to explore getting closer. After all, you're interfering with his chance to learn how he feels about the "real" you. Sooner or later, he’ll lose interest — and then start looking for a chance to escape.

RELATED: Why Men Pull Away: 5 Reasons He's Just Not That Into You

So, what's the secret to making a man fall in love and wanting to be in a relationship with you?


Lure him; don't chase him.

I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want him to know we’re interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easy-going.

But the only way to REALLY make sure that a man feels inspired to do everything in his power to get closer to you is to make sure that he feels happy and good around you.

To do this, give him the breathing space and the opportunities he needs to start pleasing you. As long as you seem happy and show him how much you enjoy his company, a man will always keep coming back for more.

Best of all, when he sees that you are a woman who is secure in herself and doesn't need to pursue him, he'll step up his game to make sure another man doesn't beat him to the chase!


So let him take the lead, while you continue to be receptive to him. It will powerfully fuel his passion for you. He will adore you and appreciate you for it.

And better yet, you'll be able to relax in the knowledge that you have become that rare, irresistible, highly desirable creature he’s been looking for — and that he'd be a fool to take you for granted.

RELATED: 3 Things You Should NEVER Do If You Feel Him Pulling Away


Rori Raye teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they've dreamed of. To learn specific ways to relate to a man  from the early stages of dating all the way through commitment  subscribe to Rori's free newsletter. You'll discover a new, fun way to date that’s all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.