Love, Self

11 Essential Ground Rules For Flirting With Guys Over Text

Photo: Unsplash: Kyle Loftus
Dating Advice On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text

Knowing how to flirt with a guy when you first meet, and even after a few dates, is an essential skill for sparking a connection. Flirting is a fun, creative and playful way to communicate with a man and capture his attention — and hopefully his heart, too!

If you are meeting men in person, then flirting is about your body language and other forms of nonverbal communication, such as sending him signals through your eye contact, smile and hands.

But, when you are using dating sites or apps like Tinder or Bumble to meet guys, you have to learn how to flirt with a guy over text messages.

Doing this well requires a combination of imagination and restraint. The idea is to be interesting and enticing, while making sure not to overdo the frequency or the intensity of what you say.

RELATED: The 5 'Golden Rules' Of Texting A Guy You're Super-Into

Once you’ve been on a couple of dates, you might begin to relay sexier messages, but even then, you should keep your texts rated "PG" so you don’t give him the wrong impression about what you want.

Here are 11 essential pieces of dating advice on how to flirt with a guy over text or via direct messages on dating apps and social media.

1. Flatter him

Who doesn't like compliments? Just don’t overdo it. One is good; two is the limit.

2. Be mysterious

If you tell all, what’s left to say? When you are a little mysterious and don’t tell him too much at once about yourself, you’ll keep him interested longer.

3. Wait to reply

Remember you are a sought-after woman and are busy! So, don’t always reply immediately. Let him wait a bit so he wonders what you might be up to.

RELATED: How To Text A Guy (Without Turning Him Off Completely)

4. Let him initiate

Men like to pursue, so let him initiate most of the time when you are first getting to know each other. If you always start the conversation, you won’t know if he’s just he’s bored at work or into you. Let him make the effort and mirror what he does so you don’t go overboard and risk turning him off.

5. Be interesting

Avoid the mundane, like, "How’s your week going?" What can he say besides, “Good”? That’s boring.

Ask the unexpected question that’s simple to answer. Try something like, "Pancakes versus cereal?", "Tea versus coffee?", "Football or soccer?", "The Rolling Stones or The Beatles?"

6. Be funny

If you’ve got a sense of humor, use it! If you are entertaining, he’ll want to know more about you.

7. Use his name

The sound of your own name is flattering, so every once in a while, toss his name into your texts.

RELATED: 10 Cringeworthy Texts Guys Hate Getting From Women

8. Stick to fun topics

If you want to put a man in a good mood, ask him what he does with his free time.

What sports teams does he follow? Does he have any hobbies? What would he do on a rainy Saturday afternoon?

Get him talking about himself and he’ll think you are great at conversation.

Try these easy flirty examples of things to say to a guy that work wonders:

  • “I’m really drawn to your great smile.”
  • “I have to wear sunglass to look at your smile.”
  • “Your eyes are like the blue sky on a sunny day.”
  • “I’d love to hear the sound of your voice.”
  • “I dreamed about you last night.”
  • “Thinking about you made me smile.”
  • “Let’s see if we have chemistry. Coffee Thursday?”

9. Use social media wisely

You can use all of these tips on social media, as well. Again, for the best results, keep it light, short, and fun. Avoid over-liking his posts or commenting too often, because you don’t want to look like a stalker. This is definitely a place where less is smarter.

Since social media is public, don’t overshare on your own pages about the two of you either. Remember that he might not be as open as you are, and doing that can freak him out and push him away. Keep the special moments to yourself until you know where things are going with him.

10. Sext smartly

No one can deny that sexting is fun and exciting, yet you do want to be conscious of the content you’re sending. If you are looking for something serious with a guy and not casual sex, don’t start sexting until you’ve had a few dates and have gotten to know him.

If you are just starting to message, I would avoid sexting and not bother with men asking for more photos. There’s something creepy about a man needing more photos than what you have posted. Men often enjoy fantasizing, and that might be what he wants your photos for.

One big concern to keep in mind is that any naked pictures you send a guy could end up on the web forever. Think long and hard before you start sexting or exchanging sexy selfies with some guy you barely know. Sadly, this happens every day, and once something's out there on the Internet, there’s often nothing you can do to take it down.

The best solution is to keep any photos you send PG, and don’t include your face or any identifying marks like birthmarks and tattoos.

Leaving something to the imagination can be the best kind of sexy.

Here are a few suggestions for PG-rated pics that can be fun to send the right guy without possibly leaving you regretting your choices at some future point.

  • Snap a closeup of your belly with the button on your jeans undone and the zipper lowered just an inch. Super sexy, but nothing is showing!
  • Take a shot of your cleavage with the top edge of the shirt showing, but nothing more.
  • Sit on the bed with your legs stretched out in front of you and take a photo starting from your thighs to your toes (don't forget to polish those nails!).

11. Avoid a "texting only" relationship

Even though texting can be a great way to get to know a guy, remember that you still want to meet him.

A lot of women mistake a guy wanting to text them all day as a sign that he’s serious. I'm sorry to say this, but that simply is not the case. He might be lonely, bored, wanting to be entertained, needing the attention, or enjoying the ego boost of your texts. None of that does you any good.

Texting is a way to get to that first date, as well as a supplement to talking on the phone. Texting is not a way to get to know a guy over weeks or months, until one of you finally decides it’s time to meet for the first time or go on another date. There are too many people out there who have no intention of ever meeting you or getting into a serious relationship. Don’t fall into this trap!

This ground rule will make things very simple: if a man can’t meet you for a glass of wine or beer, a soda, coffee or tea within 7-10 days, stop texting him.

Chances are he’s never going to meet you, so stop hoping his excuses are valid and someday he’ll find the time. He won’t!

There are so many good men out there. Don't hold yourself up and miss out while one guy tries to get his act together. You want a man who is ready right now. If he's not, move on and find one who is.

Now that you know these 11 ground rules for how to flirt with a guy over text, you are ready to get out there and meet men!

Have fun and don’t take any of it too seriously. Take the pressure off and build your flirting skills.

The more you relax and simply enjoy meeting men, the faster you are likely to attract and meet the right man for you and the love you dream of.

RELATED: 5 Ways To Use The Law Of Attraction When Texting A Guy You Really Like

Ronnie Ann Ryan is a love and dating coach who works with smart, successful single women who have hot careers, but a chilly love life, and whose savvy advice has been featured in ABC, NBC, and Fox News, BBC, NPR,, Huffington Post, Fox News Magazine Online, Yahoo and eHarmony, among others. For more valuable mindset tools to find the man of your dreams, reach out to schedule a complimentary conversation.