How To Beat The Gay Holiday Blues

Being gay isn't easy ... especially around the holidays.

gay man with holiday gifts

We're just days before the big "C" — Christmas. Chanukah has passed and Thanksgiving is a distant memory. Hustle, bustle, parties and keeping-up-appearances is in full swing. Yet, no matter the year, the holiday season brings its own version of joy and folly for many people.

Clutched in the grasp of unmarried, living in sin, having children out of wedlock, divorced, separated, or just plain not wanting to be in a relationship, it's no wonder we can go from Hallelujah to Humbug in a nanosecond. Now add a dollop of festive flair, a twist of fabulousness, and "Oh, make sure we have our token gays on the guest list," and you can see why there isn't enough brandy in the eggnog to avert the dreaded "hay holiday blues."


By no means is this discriminatory towards our hetero brothers and sisters who bear their own lumps of coal during this season. It's understood; we all get our chestnuts roasted in one way or another with the pressure of the holidays. For that we feel your pain. On the other hand, being LGBT during the holidays does seem to heat up the emotions and melt the "reason for the season." Here are just a few examples:

  • Because of your lifestyle, you are welcome home, but your partner isn't. Yet, your sister's boyfriend is more than welcome home to boink in her great-grandma's feather poster bed.
  • No shortage of party invitations, just a shortage of guests with tact. "Did you bring your wife?" "How many children do you have?" There should be an etiquette book written called "Politically Correct Holiday Party Questions."
  • Nothing makes you lose your appetite at the holiday dinner table like someone saying, "Jacob, when are you and your nice friend Michael going to find some good Christian girls to make babies with?"
  • And finally, upon arrival at the company holiday party, Sally, the VP's assistant, announces, "Grab Jeff and Patrick. Their really good at making napkin swans!" 

Tongue-in-cheek as these little snippets may seem, they are the reality for LGBT individuals each and every holiday season, but the bottom line is this.

  • Gay men need more than a big candy cane to play with during the holidays.
  • Lesbians don't always have to be the ones to engineer the tree stand or hang the lights on the house.
  • "Home for the holidays" for many LGBT individuals means waking up in their own homes/apartments/condos, or even their cars because they're not welcome home for the holidays.
  • Fabulous, talented and "token gays" aren't the only reason we should get a party invitation.

When the winter night sets on the holiday celebration, and the sun rises with anticipation of presents yet to be unwrapped, the greatest gift any of us can give one another is to realize that the color of our skin, the language that we speak, our status in the community, nor whom we crawl into bed with at night changes a thing. We all deserve to be treated like humans, not just during the holidays, but every day.

If you're struggling with acceptance, coming out, or being fully confident in who you are — gay or straight — take advantage of a complimentary life coaching session with Life Coach Rick. Click Here to schedule.