Boy trouble? ... Body image issues? ... Girl, your gay BFF can relate!
By Rick Clemons — Written on Oct 27, 2014
Dear Tween, Teen, and Grown -Up Girls, you don’t know me but, I hope after this letter, you’ll feel like we’re best "girlfriends", even though I’m a guy.
One day, some of you will appreciate having friends like me in your life, if you don’t already. You see every tween, teen, and grown-up girl needs at least one gay best friend in your life for balance (or to fantasize about making straight)! Let’s go with balance, because you can’t make us straight, but we do serve an important purpose in your life.
You see, the trusted "gay best friend" helps offset the frustration of navigating a world of bitchy girls and bozo boys, and of course we empathize with your raging, mood-swingy hormones, too. (Well, everything except those menstrual cycles. We’re not quite sure what to do with those even though we have our own version of them). So, why is a gay guy a great friend to have around? For several reasons:
We Admire and Adore You
Let’s start with a confession ... we gay men/boys dig you girls way more then we let on. We’re actually kind of jealous of you. Not because you get all the great fashion. Our jealousy comes from the fact that your feminine energy has a way of making the male species become putty in your hands. True, we can do that, too, just not as well as you can. And, we watch you a lot. We’re dying to learn all your tricks for manipulating guys into doing anything you want. (Of course, let’s be truthful girls, manipulation shouldn’t be something we’re proud of unless it means manipulating a better deal on a pair of shoes … right?)
Girl, We Feel Your Pain
Now, as for loving ourselves, we all go to the same church—Sisterhood of the Perpetual Inferiority Complex. I know, I saw you there just yesterday. You snuck in the back recesses of your mind and took a seat just a few pews to the left of me. Of course, you were trying to be sneaky so that no one saw you wallowing in your thoughts of not being enough. How do I know this? Well, gurl, I was sitting right there with ya. Yes, even at 51-years old, I still unfortunately partake of the unholy waters of believing I’m not good enough from time to time. So, just take it from your gay older brother, you are good enough—exactly as you are. It’s that simple. And if you’re Momma and your Poppa haven’t taught you that, then shame on them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re the ones sitting on the front row of "insecurity church" each time we visit. The point is, a gay best friend can relate to the insecurity and is there to hold up the mirror that reminds you how fantastic you are.
And speaking of mirrors, if we had a dollar for every minute that girls/women and gay men spend in front of the mirror, checking themselves out to ensure we look good, we could pay off the United States National Debt! (Just don’t tell the politicians that, they'd never give us a cut of the funds for the discovery.) But yes, we gay men and tweens, teens, and grown-up women are obsessed with body image! Mind you, there's nothing wrong with wanting to look fantastic ... until that desire is all you live and breathe. And what is that obsessive effort for? Most of the time, to win the approval of some guy (except for those of you of the lesbian persuasion who are doing it for another woman). But, in general, that’s something we gay men and you girls have in common—obsession with looking attractive to please and be accepted by others.
Call it competition or acceptance, we are fixated on body perfection more for others than ourselves. And let me say right now that we need to stop it, stop it, stop it! Because a killer smile and hopefully a smart mind, even when attached to a not-quite-perfect body, is still a lot to contribute, so don’t let anyone shame you because you don’t fit the "beauty ideal" flawlessly. Heck, look at Nicki Minaj! That baby’s got back (and great music and moves, too) and just as many people fall all over her, loving her for it, as there are people criticizing her for the way she looks, moves, and performs. The point is, use what ya got to make you happy.
We Want You To Be Uniquely You
Speaking of what you've got, don’t forget to use your amazing gifts daily and showcase them proudly to the world. I'm not sure what you know about gay men and gay culture, but we tend to have a reputation of being a racy, sexually active and an over-the-top bunch. First of all, that’s just throwing stereotypes on people, which isn’t right. Stereotypes should just be outlawed. People should be allowed to just be themselves, and that includes you, Miss Thing!
I know somewhere in your world, someone has told you—"Don’t be this or don’t be that!" Now, I’m not suggesting you rebel and tell them to go pound sand. I’m simply inviting you not to download the must be this way message into your brain, and, instead, pave your own way in the world. Yes, some gay men are racy, sexually active and over-the-top. But some gay men are also quiet wallflowers, happily monogamous, dedicated parents, ambitious CEO’s and creative brilliant people without being flamboyant. There is no one way to be gay any more than there is one way to be a tween/teen/grown-up girl. To be a gay man in the world, you have to proudly (and unapologetically) embrace who you are, so count on us to help you proudly embrace being you, too.
We're The Boys Who Won't Break Your Heart
And as for boys/men and love relationships ... ladies, I think we should form a Sisterhood Of Traveling Gay Men and Tween/Teen/GrownUp Girls Club. First, let's be clear, we’d be the most fashionable group of humans on the planet. Second, we could combine our mutually supportive feminine and masculine energies for the greater good of the planet. Third, we’d have loads of fun sharing battle stories about guys. After all, Girls (and Gay Guys) Just Want To Have Fun. And if a boy let's you down, you can count on our shoulder to cry on. Gay best friends have been there and we'll weather your relationship highs and lows with you.
So, are you feeling convinced? A gay best friend is pretty important thing to have, right? Why? Because every girl/woman deserves to have a friend she can trust to love her unconditionally.
Now, it’s time for you to get back to doing your homework/office work and me to get back to pulling gay men out of the quick sands of their lives. Let's make a deal to never forget that you and me are beautiful—just the way we are! Call me! Wait, text me. Nope, just Snap Chat me. See, I’m pretty good with this new world social stuff for an old gay guy!
Are you a grown up tween/teen girl still struggling with men stuff, career challenges, or finding your life’s passion? Maybe you should consider having a GLC—Gay Life Coach. I’m kind of like having a BFF for your life. Schedule a complimentary consultation and let’s see how you, girl, want to have fun making your wildest life dreams come true!
