How To Leave A Narcissist Safely & Peacefully

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woman leaving a narcissist
Heartbreak

Ending a relationship and leaving a narcissist is never easy — you're taking away their control.

For someone who got their power and security from manipulation, they will do whatever they can to keep you. But with the right support, you can learn how to leave a narcissist and break free from their hold.

RELATED: 9 Signs Of A Toxic Relationship With A Narcissist & Red Flags That Signal You're A Victim Of Narcissistic Abuse

On average, it takes a person seven attempts to leave an abusive relationship, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Seven attempts! This is because when someone fears their partner is leaving, they may use guilt, put-downs, or emotional blackmailing to keep them.

If you've decided to leave a narcissist or an emotionally abusive partner, you deserve a smooth, peaceful, and safe exit so you can build yourself up and create a new life.

Here are 7 things you need to do to leave a relationship with a narcissist in a safe and peaceful manner.

1. Don't discuss your plans to leave.

I would never advocate being sneaky or hiding things, but with any abusive relationship, being with a narcissist means you shouldn’t disclose your intentions to leave until the day you leave.

This is because you don't want to be manipulated into staying, fear that they will do something to prevent you from leaving, or that they'll harm you.

In cases where children are involved, it's especially important that you send the children to their friends or a family member, so that they don't witness the outburst from your partner when you tell them you're leaving.

2. Keep important documents safe.

Something that has come up for clients I've worked with before is that their narcissistic partner hid their passport when they informed them that they're leaving.

This scared one of my clients into staying, and the relationship became more and more volatile. Then, in a heated argument later, he ripped up her passport, making it more difficult to leave the country they were expats in.

By removing your personal documents from the house before you tell your partner about your intentions to leave, you prevent yourself from being dragged back into the situation.

In worst-case scenarios where you can’t access documents like your passport beforehand, don't risk your life by staying. There are always alternative ways to retrieve them.

3. Keep your finances in order.

One of the biggest factors that keep people in narcissistic relationships is the lack of funds.

In any abusive relationship, it's a good idea to either open up a private bank account and put money in there each week so that you have money when you leave. You can also keep money with a trusted friend who can hand over the cash once you've left.

Don't let yourself feel obligated to stay because you feel like you can’t be financially secure without them. Your mental well-being comes at no cost.

Also, countless people I've supported find that when they take that leap, the universe opens up new doors and provides for them in ways they could not have imagined.

4. Seek professional help.

Planning to leave a narcissistic partner can be mentally draining. It's important to seek professional help when you can.

Whether that’s before leaving or after you leave the relationship, don't feel ashamed to say you need help.

Sometimes, you need the help of a professional to reorganize your thoughts and emotions. Narcissists have a tendency to really break you down to your core and leave you feeling vulnerable.

RELATED: What A Narcissist Does At The End Of A Relationship

5. Cut off all contact.

Once you leave, a narcissist will do everything and anything in their power to get you back. This is not only out of love or care, but because they want to regain that control over you. So, the best thing to do is to cut all contact.

Block and delete numbers and social media accounts that are linked to them. This prevents you from being bombarded with attempts to bring you back into their life.

Of course, this is not possible if you have children together. If you can, have contact through mutual friends or parents who are willing to take that role. You can also arrange for contact through legal channels.

Again, this minimizes any contact you have to have with them.

6. Be prepared for the outbursts.

When a narcissist has no access to you, they may try to slander your name to those around you in hopes of getting a reaction.

Instead of reacting to this, share your experiences only with people that will support you.

Don't be ashamed to ask for support from them by asking them not to share anything with you or pass on any messages if your ex contacts them. Don't be ashamed to share what you need.

Speak up. First, it will help those around you support you better.

Secondly, you may encourage others to speak up who are in similar situations.

And thirdly, they can be prepared for the volatile or aggressive reaction from the person who may have previously portrayed themselves as an angel to your family and friends.

7. Find yourself.

When you've been with a narcissist, it can be really easy to lose yourself in the relationship and their narcissistic ways. Take some time to focus on you and really find yourself again.

Figure out what you love to do, learn how to love yourself again, and spend time doing activities that make you feel good about life. Create a plan of where you want to go and then take small steps towards it.

This is also a good time to work through your experience of being with a narcissist, as it can be quite traumatic.

You may find yourself experiencing symptoms of anxiety, low self-esteem, emotional eating, or post-traumatic stress disorder. So, definitely take time to address the things your body is trying to heal from.

Whether you decide to stay and work on your relationship with a narcissistic partner or you want to leave peacefully, it won’t be easy. However, I hope I've given you some helpful tips on how to achieve either outcome.

RELATED: 8 Smart, Simple Steps For How To Deal With A Narcissist

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Nicola Beer is a marriage transformation specialist and founder of the Save My Marriage Program. To book one of her free ultimate connector consultations, email her or to read the 7 Secrets to Saving Your Marriage and get your free report, visit her website.

This article was originally published at nicolabeer.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.