9 Signs A Person Is Overly Reliant On Others In Order To Be Happy

Find the true source of happiness.

Woman feeling overly reliant for partners happiness and unfulfilled. Ketut Subiyanto | Pexels
Advertisement

Being happy should come easily, but happiness doesn't come naturally to some. Do you constantly feel nothing is ever good enough to make you happy? Somehow, you end up feeling upset at everyone and everything around you.

There is a possibility you are searching for happiness in other people and blaming others for your unhappiness. When we focus on what other people think, we're not true to ourselves and live according to everyone’s needs but not our own.

Advertisement

Here are 9 signs a person is overly reliant on others to be happy 

1. They prioritize helping others over taking care of themselves

Do you offer to help loved ones and then never have time to do the things you want to do?

2. Their fear of disappointing others puts them in uncomfortable situations

Do you find it hard to say no, so you end up doing things you’d rather not do?

3. They have become a master compromise

Do you feel you’re always compromising yourself to make others happy?

4. They bottle up their authentic feelings

She rests her sad face on one hand Tairome via Shutterstock

Advertisement

Do you find it difficult to express yourself because you do not want to hurt people?

5. They seem to attract people who treat them like a doormat

Do you struggle to assert yourself in relationships and allow yourself to become passive, helpless, taken advantage of, or abused?

6. They lose track of who they truly are in relationships (other than just a good friend/partner)

Do you accommodate the needs of others, so much so you lose yourself in relationships? Do you end up feeling unhappy when your needs do not get met?

RELATED: 18 Tiny Habits That Magically Make You Happier

Advertisement

7. They "go with the flow" and end up somewhere they never wanted to be

Are you feeling like a passenger in your life when you let others take over your life for you?

8. They are OK with being the last priority until something happens and they need support

Are you struggling to find a way to be happy and live the life you want because you make others the priority by allowing yourself to come last?

This can cause you to become hurt, resentful, angry, bitter, or dislike people around you. You may become distant or feel unloved in relationships by believing your partner is the problem because they don't meet your needs. Then you end up wanting your partner to change.

9. They may blame others for causing their unhappiness when they don't take control of themselves. 

You can blame people for your unhappiness if you don't think about yourself or do the things that are worthwhile for you because you don't allow your needs to get met.

Advertisement

Professor Vanessa Carbonell explores how if you sacrifice yourself for the sake of making others happy, this can mean you stop activating your "self" in life or stop living your actual life, becoming unhappy when you focus on everyone else.

RELATED: 4 Reasons Your Partner's Love Never Feels Like Enough

To discover happiness, it's important to get in touch with your real self

Psychiatrist James Masterson describes those who heavily invest in others as having a "false self," whereby the person adapts their behavior to meet the needs of others, therefore giving up the real self who invests in themselves.

Whenever you overly focus on others and not yourself, you lose your capacity to function fully for yourself, causing all kinds of problems in life, including depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and more.

Advertisement

This means the false self appeases others based on the need to avoid feelings of inadequacy, fears of abandonment, or feeling they are not good enough, which the person has internalized from their childhood.

1. The real self hides behind the defensive false self to mask how they feel deep down

It's only by "unmasking" the real self that you can choose happiness in your life. This requires you to work on the negative feelings and modify how they feel deep down to unleash the real self and find happiness.

Constantly searching for happiness in other people means you'll end up finding fault in others because you make others responsible for how you feel about yourself.

An article in the Journal of Happiness Studies suggests if you stopped living your own life because you’re so focused on making others happy, then you're not living according to your real self.

Advertisement

When you passively comply with others' needs, then you’re living everyone else’s life. You forget how to do things for yourself. You feel you’re a passenger in your life, with no self-direction, letting others guide you.

2. Searching for happiness outside of yourself makes you blame life — or other people — for being happy or unhappy

She looks seriously at camera while outside Seto contreras via Shutterstock

This pattern is problematic because it means you’re giving up on yourself in the hope others can make you feel good. It usually means you don't value yourself, or you feel unworthy deep down inside.

Advertisement

No one can make you happy. Focusing on making others happy just distracts you from focusing on yourself.

When you feel good about yourself, you can ask for what you need. However, when you don't feel good enough, you feel like you don't deserve things in life. You refuse to put yourself out there because you feel unworthy of doing so.

You might give up on your health or avoid a job you want. Instead, you may focus on pleasing your partner.

Making others happy at your expense doesn't guarantee others will make you happy. It's risky to put your happiness in other people in the hope others can make you feel good about yourself.

You may blame others for judging you or belittling you when, in fact, you belittle yourself. When you project your feelings onto others and think they're judging you, you avoid doing things that may make you happy.

Advertisement

If you don't acknowledge your self-criticism and deny it, you'll continue to blame others for how you feel and let your emotions run out of control.

RELATED: The Simple 7-Day Plan For Resetting Your Ability To Be Happy

3. Relationships fall apart when you search for happiness in others instead of locating happiness within yourself

You might have become trapped in a pattern of pleasing others and negating yourself. You may not be aware of it, but perhaps you didn't feel good enough or felt berated unless you pleased your caregivers. Perhaps you acted out to get attention or to get your needs met.

If you learned to emotionally accommodate the needs of a caregiver, then it is likely you may replay this pattern of giving up yourself to accommodate the needs of others to win their love or approval, as explained by Sara R Berzenski, Ph.D. This pattern keeps you stuck.

Advertisement

So, when you’re focusing on saying and doing what others want, you're not being true to yourself and end up feeling unfulfilled.

You may even start to blame your partner for your unhappiness and resent them because the relationship becomes all about meeting their needs, not yours.

You may not be aware of it, but deep down, you may be feeling your needs don't matter, you’re not important, or you’re in the way.

Unless you get in touch with your actual feelings and break the pattern of pleasing people, you can't embrace happiness.

4. Avoiding your feelings keeps you stuck in the pattern of needing others for approval

You may not acknowledge the underlying negative feelings you have about yourself that stem from your past. Instead, you may think your partner is selfish, demanding, or controlling when you’ve let them get their way, out of your pattern of pleasing them to obtain their approval and giving up yourself. Perhaps you have let the relationship become all about them, not about you.

Advertisement

The more you hold others responsible for your feelings and externalize your problems as being everyone else's fault, the more you blame others for your unhappiness.

If you locate your happiness as coming from outside of yourself, then you will most likely not find happiness within yourself.

5. How do you search for self-fulfillment and happiness in your life?

She smiles big living her happiest life Andrii Nekrasov via Shutterstock

Advertisement

Happiness occurs when you find yourself and discover your own needs.

If you cannot locate your real self, then you'll feel unhappy in all aspects of life because you’re passively letting life go on and not in control of yourself.

An analysis in the American Psychologist Journal discusses the importance of developing confidence in yourself when you do things to enhance your actual self and follow pursuits of the real self so you can fully flourish in all aspects of life, including work, relationships, and study.

By giving up the expectations of others to make you feel happy, you can look for happiness within. This allows you to give up blaming everyone else for being unhappy, which will undo the patterns that keep you stuck.

Advertisement

When you break the patterns of finding happiness in others as part of the false self, then you can be free to be your real self and flourish in all aspects of life. Real happiness comes from within — and when you find it, you'll know it's not for anyone else to control but you.

RELATED: 3 Basic Ways You Accidentally Sabotage Your Life

Nancy Carbone is an author, relationship therapist, and psychodynamic therapist. She specializes in the treatment of personality disorders and relational trauma and is accredited as a mental health social worker.