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If You’ve Ever Loved Someone Who Didn’t Love You Back, You Need To Hear This

Unrequited Love Can Lead To A Toxic Relationship So Let Go And Move On
Love, Heartbreak

They can never love you for who you are.

"Does he like me? Or am I a victim of a one-sided love?"

As a relationship therapist, I hear the pain of unrequited love from those who feel stuck loving someone who doesn't love them back. These scenarios are often painful, gut-wrenching, and difficult to let go and move on.

Being in unhealthy relationships ruled by a toxic love often looks like this:

"Loving you kills me and destroys me, especially when the love is not returned. It's like driving one-way towards a dead end.

I've dreamed of our future, our life together and hoped for things that you cannot possibly imagine. You inspire me every day and my only wish is that we could be together. But, my shortcomings are not enough for you. You want me to change so I can be the girl of your dreams. I feel that I am simply not enough for you.

The pain of realizing that you do not share these same hopes and dreams cripples me. 

Love hurts even more when the love is not returned. When love is one-dimensional, you get nothing back in return. How can I possibly love someone who doesn't love me back?"

RELATED: The Real (Sad) Reason We Cling So Hard To Unrequited Love

Loving someone who doesn't love you back destroys your sense of self. It can leave a person feeling not good enough. So, they attempt to win them over to prove that they're good enough for them, but they end up putting a lot of effort into a dead-end relationship that goes nowhere. 

Some will give up aspects of themselves to feel loved, only to feel unloved or rejected. They chase a man who has no intentions of loving them back, ignoring the signals that he is not invested in a relationship.

When you've been desperate for someone to love you, it can mean that you do not love yourself or feel good enough, inside. But, what is worse is that you end up changing yourself to fit in with a guy so that you feel loved. 

In a toxic relationship, you put your self-worth in the hands of others, which gives them control over how you feel about yourself. Attracting the wrong partner can destroy your self-esteem if you turn to them for approval. 

RELATED: Why You Will Never Be Enough For The Wrong Heart

Love comes from letting go of the chains of finding external validation when you feel better about yourself. Love comes when you love yourself and will not settle for someone who cannot love you back.

It is toxic to ourselves to want someone who cannot love us for who we are and to try to make them love us.

When you accommodate them and give up the person you are in the hope that they will love you, you end up diminishing yourself. 

It's hard to be honest with yourself and to ask yourself, "Does he love me?" Sometimes our hopes and dreams cause us to read into what we want to believe, rather than see the actual truth.

It is toxic to change yourself for someone who does not love you for who you are.

Someone who loves you will love the person you are, without needing you to change for them. Love occurs when you let go of needing someone to feel good about yourself when you can go for what you really want. 

When you do not chase a man, you allow them to chase you back. When you make yourself a priority, so will they.

When you can define your own needs, a loving partner will respond to them.

Love is not one-way traffic, but a two-way street.

RELATED: 8 Beautiful Things You Only Learn After Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

Nancy Carbone is a relationship therapist who writes about overcoming the barriers in finding love. For more information, connect with her on her website.

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