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Here's how to learn about yourself after unrequited love.
By The Mind's Journal — Last updated on Aug 17, 2023
By Shweta Advani
Love makes the world move. Love is the most sought-after human experience. But the paradox is that while we ourselves are love, we go on seeking it outside ourselves.
The biggest lesson and blessing of a one-sided relationship or unrequited love affair is that it gives you an opportunity to go directly to the source of love — your own self — instead of seeking it outside.
Here are 8 beautiful things you only learn after loving someone who doesn't love you back:
1. You are love
The most beautiful blessing in disguise of one-sided love is that it gives you the push and impetus to go within. It is only when you go within yourself that you realize your nature. You realize that you are infinity itself. You are the source of all joy, love, peace, and bliss.
And once you realize you are loved, you do not go outside seeking love and affection.
You share your love abundantly with whoever comes in contact with you and focus on living your best life and becoming your highest possible version.
2. To love and to need love are two different things
As Osho said,
“To love and to need love are two very different things. Most of us remain like children all our lives because everyone is looking for love. To love is a very mysterious thing; to long for love is a very childish thing. And whoever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given. In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it. And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem. It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together. All over the world, there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.”
It is a hard lesson but love is about giving and not receiving. It is a risk because there are no guarantees in love.
If you move out to another person, there is always the risk that the other person will move away from you, leaving you more painfully alone than before.
Trust anyone and you may get hurt, depend on anyone and they may let you down. But if we do not risk pain, then we cannot get joy and all the other things that make life meaningful, alive, and fulfilled.
Therefore it is better to love and reach out to express and share our love instead of longing and begging for love.
3. Love is disciplined
We have been conditioned to believe that love is passion. But mature love is full of discipline.
One-sided love can teach us that we often confuse feelings and passion for love but true love requires more than instinct. It requires judgment and a committed decision to help your partner grow.
4. Love is not a feeling
The most common misconception about love is that love is a feeling.
True love is not a feeling by which we are not overwhelmed. It is a committed and thoughtful decision.
Genuine love is when we make a decision that we will extend ourselves for the well-being of another person.
Love can blind us to the extent that we fail to read the signs if the other person loves us back or not.
It is better to watch their actions and just words, if their actions are not supporting your growth and well-being, then it is not genuine love.
5. Time is too precious to waste
When we are in love, we can become blinded to the extent that we do not see the signs that the other person is not reciprocating our feelings and does not feel the same way about us. We hope that they will change their feelings someday and waste our precious time waiting around for them.
Life is too short to waste time waiting for someone to love you back.
You need to move on and save your precious heart and feelings for someone who will love you as fiercely as you love them.
There are more than 7 billion people on this planet and there is no point in wasting your precious time and energy on one person, keep moving on, and live your life to your fullest, the right person will come into your life at the right time.
6. You have to be your authentic self
We are here for a very short time and we spend most of our lives behind filters and conditioning. We trade our childlike wonder and authenticity and wear masks to fit in and to get validation.
But we miss out on the beauty of sunsets, the magical aroma of coffee, the pitter-patter of raindrops, the wisdom of books, and the little secrets that life unfolds every moment if we lose our sense of wonder.
And even if someone loves you for the image you project, what’s the use if you lose touch with your natural and authentic self in the process?
Be childlike, keep your sense of wonder, be who you are and the right people will come and stay in your life.
7. It makes you wise and gives you depth
The pain that comes with heartache gives you an opportunity to contemplate and reflect on what is important in life, what your priorities are, what your life values are, and where you should devote your time and energy.
Any experience of loss or pain that you endure in life gives you humility and depth. It gives you the ability to empathize with others in pain.
8. You don’t need to go looking for love
The biggest lesson that one-sided love teaches you is that you cannot go out looking for love. You can only remove the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. You can make yourself ready and receptive to love so that you can accept it with an open heart whenever it arrives in your life.
Love cannot be forced.
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Shweta Advani is an HR consultant by profession, a slam poet, and a freelance writer.
This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.