Photo: getty
Love yourself to attract the love you deserve.
By Amy Schoen — Written on Jul 21, 2020
Let’s be honest, here. Sometimes the things that seem so “normal” and taken for granted are actually the most difficult.
Dating in order to find lasting love is one of those things. It’s so easy to assume that people just magically find someone to love, marry, and create a family with.
But for marriage-minded people, that search isn’t necessarily so easy. This is why using positive affirmations to give yourself the confidence you need can really help you find love.
When you have goals that go beyond simply “having a good time” and not being alone, the stakes get higher. Your dating life takes on a greater purpose, and you’ll need all the positive kudos you can get.
Add to that the reality of "operant conditioning," or that bad dating experiences make you less likely to want to continue putting yourself out there, and the influence of repeated experiences and dating suddenly doesn’t seem so easy-peasy.
At the end of the day, love-and-marriage hopefuls need more than just a reveille of, “Get out there!” to help them succeed. Chances are, you're already “out there” experiencing the ups and mostly downs of the search for love.
If you're single and looking for lifelong love, you instinctively know that you need to be fortified from the inside-out. You need to steep yourself in the knowledge that you're awesome just as you are.
And you need to know that being single isn’t a curse, it’s simply a state of life.
While self-affirmations may seem gimmicky and like leftover psycho-babble from the ‘90s, there's actually science to back them up.
What you tell yourself can actually change how you feel about yourself! So, it makes sense that it can also change your dating life. After all, the relationship you have with others starts with the relationship you have with yourself.
So, let’s dive into some positive affirmations tailored for the love-ambitious, marriage-minded single.
And remember, practice makes perfect. These are more than just occasional Post-It notes for your bathroom mirror. They are intended to become part of your internal dialogue and belief system.
Here are 6 positive affirmations you can use daily to help you attract the love of your life.
1. "I am worthy of love and affection."
This is perhaps the most important affirmation, and therefore the perfect starting place for positive self-talk.
“I am worthy.” Why is this so important? Because it is the ultimate expression of your self-worth.
Those who struggle the most with love and intimacy are often plagued by an underlying belief that they’re unworthy of love.
Perhaps they grew up in an emotionally abusive home. Perhaps they are used to hearing criticism that connects to the withholding of love.
A person who doesn’t feel worthy of love will probably not know how to receive — and ultimately give — love. By validating your own worthiness of love, you open yourself to the countless ways that life will love you.
2. "I deserve to be treated well, and others will recognize this."
As you head into the dating world, you will meet all kinds of people. Even if you do a good job of reading and screening people, you’ll still encounter uncomfortable situations.
Your self-respect will be challenged, and you may have to choose between your personal dignity and a person of interest.
When you tell yourself regularly that you deserve to be treated well, you place a non-negotiable on your interactions. You naturally select the company of those who recognize and honor your worth.
As the saying goes, “You teach people how to treat you."
3. "I’m confident and comfortable with who I am."
Confidence is perhaps the most attractive quality a person can have. It shows in everything you do and shines through every relationship — love, friendship, family, work.
It’s that magnetic energy that draws people to you and makes them want to be around you... And like you.
Confidence has nothing to do with looking a certain way or being “the best” at everything you do. It has to do with how you feel about yourself.
It’s about your readiness to put the best of yourself out into the world, without attachment to what you assume the world expects or accepts.
4. "My heart is open and ready to receive someone into my life."
If you’ve had a history of bad experiences in the world of romance, you may feel a bit jaded. Even if you want (or think you want) a relationship, you may be putting up barriers to the opportunity.
It’s only natural to become a little more skeptical or cynical in an effort to protect your heart. And some of that caution is wise to have.
However, if you start casting a wide net of judgment or find you’re being reclusive out of fear, then your heart may not be open to love.
If “the one” showed up today, would you recognize them? And would you be ready to seize the opportunity and move forward with the relationship?
5. "Every person I meet is teaching me what I want and don’t want in a relationship."
What a wonderful attitude to have!
Dating is, to some extent, a numbers game. You will meet a bunch of people, in-person and online. And you’ll go on at least one or two dates with a bunch of people.
Whether you swipe left after one meeting or swipe right to see where things lead, everyone you meet has something to teach you. You may learn as much about what you don’t like as you do about what you love.
Most importantly, you’ll learn things about yourself you can only learn in the context of meeting different potential mates.
6. "I don’t need a person in my life to complete me. I'm perfectly fine being on my own."
Before you say, “Yeah, and really I don’t want to be alone!” think about the message you’re sending.
When people see you enjoying life on your own terms and doing what matters to you, they see a person who “has it together.”
You’re standing on your own two feet, being true to yourself. And you’re giving others the safe space to do the same instead of trampling on them with your neediness.
This affirmation is just another form of confidence, and that’s such an attractive quality!
No one has to come along and fix your life or rescue you. You’re already complete and ready to meet someone who's also complete, as well. And that’s the making of a true power couple!
The beauty of positive affirmations is that they’ll work their magic in the place that matters most: Within yourself.
None of them have anything to do with changing other people. And interestingly, they aren’t even about changing yourself. They’re about recognizing, accepting, and loving yourself as you were created to be.
Positive affirmations take what you may think “should be” and express it as “already is.” They keep you from wishful thinking (and procrastinating) and place you in front of the mirror of acceptance and self-love.
And once you’re able to embrace your truly amazing qualities in the present, the relationship you desire will move closer to the present, too.
More for You:
Amy Schoen is a nationally recognized expert in dating and relationship coaching who is passionate about helping marriage-minded singles find their true love and create fulfilling, life-long relationships. Check out her free Online Dating Checklist and visit her website for more information.