5 Legit Tips To Find A Quality Husband ASAP
Get on track to say, "I do".
Devon Divine | Unsplash If you want to know how to find someone who will make a good spouse one day, there's some critical dating advice you need to take.
The quest for love might seem like a built-in instinctive process. Something that naturally happens. After all, people meet, date, fall in love, get married, and start families every day.
Some people tend to fixate on one person when it comes to love. They have the drive to find a spouse and not just date forever.
If you’re searching for a committed relationship, marriage is probably your goal. If that’s the case, you’ll want a strategy that relies on more than the migrating butterflies in your stomach.
Here are 5 legit tips to find a quality husband ASAP:
1. Get out there
Ask your family and friends to help you in your search. Believe it or not, friends are still coming through as match-up heroes for many of the people who find partners or spouses.
Crawl out of your comfort zone enough to try something new. Aim for those activities most likely to engage the kind of person you want to meet.
Photo: Michael Traitov via Shutterstock
2. Think outside the bars
Remember what you are looking for and set your internal GPS accordingly. Bars and nightclubs are rarely teeming with commitment-driven candidates.
Consider joining groups or participating in events that center around activities you already love to do. Great people will recognize who you are and what you value by the activities you involve yourself in.
Part of your strategy has to be looking in the right places.
3. Be confident
Are you not feeling the confident vibe? Then try to practice behaving confidently.
A little bit of fake-it-’til-you-make-it can be a good thing.
4. Consider online dating
Even if you are putting yourself out there and meeting new people, you may still want to have a presence in the online dating world. A dating coach can partner with you in this effort and direct you to the best sites for your goals.
Again, if you want to find a spouse, you must look in the right places. Skip the free sites and opt for those that require more commitment from the members.
Whether it’s a membership fee, a personality questionnaire, or both, investing in the search for love demonstrates a more serious intent.
5. Be open to trying something new
Sometimes, people find the love of their life when and where they aren’t even looking. Be selective, but not too picky. Lead with your handful of non-negotiable criteria, then allow life to introduce you to possibilities you may not have considered.
To find a spouse who is a quality partner, it’s critical to possess and seek out quality personality traits. Looks, status, and wealth can fade with time and life changes.
Qualities like emotional maturity, honesty, and integrity are core character traits essential to sustaining a relationship.
These character traits are more desirable in finding lasting love because they are developed and practiced. They are not the products of chance but of choice. And when couples go through tough times (even the happiest ones do), their choices determine their outcome.
Devising a strategic plan to find a spouse may sound a little cold and impersonal. But when you think about what’s at stake, doesn’t it make sense to go on more than a gut feeling or heart palpitations?
Think about every other important decision you might make in your adult life — choosing a college, buying a house, applying for a job. The more important the decision and the more lasting its impact, the more effort and strategy you invest.
Should finding a spouse be any less important?
Before you devise a strategy to find your forever person, you must assess yourself and your belief system. What do you believe about relationships and your role in them? Do you believe they “just happen” and are either meant to be or not meant to be? Or do you believe they are developed as a product of both partners’ commitment and effort?
These questions form the thesis of research done by C.R. Knee and K.N. Petty. They found that people approach relationships from two different belief systems: Destiny beliefs and growth beliefs.
Those with destiny beliefs saw relationships as “meant to be” or “not meant to be.” Think “fairytale” and “love at first sight.”
People in this camp of thought were more likely to give up when things got challenging or stale in their relationships. Surely, the struggles were a sign they weren’t “meant to be.”
People in the growth-beliefs camp saw relationships in the context of their self-expansion. They anticipated the natural struggles of life and love and believed that their personal and collective choices were integral to the stability of their relationships.
By sticking things out and working through their difficulties, they would experience personal and relational growth, or “expansion.”
You can probably guess which group had greater relationship success and happiness.
If your goal is to find a spouse (and keep them), can you afford to believe in the fairytale version of love?
Sure, romance feels wonderful. We all want to be with someone we’re attracted to. But how long do you think a relationship built on a kiss from a prince on a white horse will last?
Not only is it vital to cultivate growth beliefs within yourself, but it’s also important to find someone with the same beliefs. A relationship going through its natural love stages will never survive if only one partner is committed to making it work.
Devising a strategic plan to find a spouse involves inventorying your values.
Think about your non-negotiables in life and a mate. Are children essential to your happiness? Where do kindness, charity, and faith fit on your list?
Once you have made your list of values and most important traits for a spouse, narrow the list to five non-negotiable qualities. These are the qualities in a mate and relationship you have to have to be happy and true to yourself.
If this exercise proves too challenging, consider enlisting the help of a dating coach. They’ll know how to guide you toward recognizing what matters most to you. And they will be able to help you recognize when it shows up in potential mates, especially those you might not have considered otherwise.
A dating coach can also help you devise your personalized strategic plan for finding a spouse. They’ll guide you through the steps to effective dating and will be an invaluable resource for keeping you on track.
Devising a strategic plan to find a spouse starts with you. What you believe, want, and the effort you are willing to make. It’s about having a vision so you can go after it.
Once you know what you need to be happy, your search will be less of a “search” and more of a “recognition.” You’ll be a magnet for the standards you seek. And you’ll recognize them when they show up.
Instead of constantly searching for something better, you’ll know your non-negotiables have been met. And you will be able to say, with confidence, “I do.”
Amy Schoen is a D.C.-based national expert in dating and relationship coaching who's helped countless couples find love.
