5 Signs You’re Caught In Unrequited Love — And How To Move On From The Heartbreak

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woman in an unrequited love
Heartbreak

Are you caught in unrequited love and wondering if it’s time to move on?

How many times have you sat with a friend as she cried about the man that she loves because she's confused about whether he loves her or not? Thousands, perhaps? Me, too.

You always want to say, "It’s so obvious! He doesn’t love you!" Because it's so obvious to you, but not to her.

Now that you find yourself in the same situation, what do you do?

RELATED: How To Deal With (And Get Over) The Painful Rejection Of Unrequited Love

Here are 5 signs you're caught in unrequited love.

1. They make excuses to not be with you.

Someone who is in love actively wants to spend time with that person. In fact, they will move heaven and Earth to spend time with them.

It's not that your person doesn't love you if he goes to a football game with the guys, or if she has breakfast with her mother.

But if your person regularly has to work late on date night, is having repeated problems with their car, or suddenly has been struck down with a mysterious illness, then there's the possibility that they're making excuses not to see you.

I have a client whose partner never wants to spend the night with him. She works at his house all day, but when he returns, they have dinner and she leaves.

He says he's happier with her gone because he can do his own thing, but deep down, he's sad because he knows that she doesn’t want to spend time with him.

So, if your person is making excuses to not see you, then they definitely aren’t in love with you. If they were, they would be sitting right by your side and you would not be reading this article

2. They disappear.

Do you text them and not hear back for hours? And when you do, there's talk about a broken phone or a dead battery?

Are you supposed to meet them for dinner, but at the last minute they tell you they can’t make it, and you don’t hear from them for a full day?

If your person ghosts you, in any way, they don’t love you.

Someone who is in love treats that person with respect — and that respect means that they give them clarity and honesty. They are clear about their actions and intentions, and they share them.

So, if your person disappears regularly with lame excuses why, then they are most not in love with you.

3. They suddenly love their hobbies.

Does your person have a hobby that regularly takes them away from you?

A client of mine has a guy who is passionate about riding his bike. Every weekend, he goes out with his posse and they clock as many miles as they can get in.

My client had no problem with his passion for biking, until he started to put his bike over her on his priority list. The weekend would come along, and she would want to just spend time with him — but his bike ride came first.

If your person has a hobby — great! Everyone should have a hobby! But, if they regularly put their hobby ahead of you, then they don’t love you.

Time to find someone who has a hobby to share with the person they love.

4. They are unkind.

Do you come downstairs after carefully dressing for dinner, only to have your guy make a snide comment about what you're wearing?

Does your woman comment on how you can’t ever get anything done in front of your friends?

If your person does any of these things regularly, they don’t love you. Someone in love with someone treats them with the utmost respect and would never dream of being unkind to them.

Of course, sometimes people are clueless and will say something innocent about your dress or your inability to take the garbage out without meaning to be unkind.

But if your person is regularly not nice to you, then they definitely don’t love you.

5. Your happiness means nothing.

Do you make plans to go out with the girls and ask him to take care of the kids, but he refuses?

Do you want to spend that extra money that you saved on a new table saw, and she insists that it would be better spent on a fridge?

People in love want to give their partner what they want —they know that if someone feels taken care of, they will feel loved.

If your person is always selfish and doesn’t care at all about what you want, then they don't love you.

RELATED: 8 Beautiful Things You Only Learn After Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

So, how do you get past unrequited love and move on from the heartbreak?

1. Immediately go "no contact."

It's important to tell this person you're leaving and immediately cut off contact with them.

Yes, you love this person. But if they don’t love you back, there's nothing you can do to win them back — not sex, emotional support, or gifts. Therefore, it's essential that you cut them out of your life and move on.

Seeing what they're doing on social media, making yourself available to them if they call, and frequenting places where you know they will be will only keep you tied to them in a way that won’t help you move on.

2. Keep busy.

When struggling with a broken heart, the desire to isolate is significant. And while I totally support a short period of mourning, I believe that one of the key factors to getting over someone is to keep yourself as busy as possible.

You're most likely struggling with self-esteem issues right now because the person you loved doesn’t love you back. You've been treated with disdain for a period of time.

Spending time with friends and family who truly love you will help rebuild that self-esteem, so spend as much time with them as you can.

3. Take care of yourself.

When going through a breakup, the first thing that's usually thrown out the window is self-care.

But when going through a breakup, it's essential to take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, and do things that make you feel healthy.

I know that the appeal of ice cream in front of the TV is significant, but I would encourage you to make that bowl of ice cream small and only watch one episode of your show.

Get yourself off the couch and go outside for a walk. Exercise produces dopamine, the "feel good" chemical, which will help you get out of the sadness you are constantly feeling and on the road to healing.

So, take care of yourself. Doing so will only make you stronger and more able to bounce back quickly.

4. Put yourself back out there.

The last thing in the world that you may want right now is a new relationship, but there's no reason why you can’t get out in the world and date.

Getting dressed up, going out for dinner, and flirting is exactly what you need to help you get past your breakup. There's someone out there for you who will love you back fully.

You won’t find them if you're curled up in your bed, feeling sorry for yourself!

Being caught in unrequited love is one of the worst places to be.

We all want to be loved, and when we love someone who doesn’t love us back, it can be devastating.

Think about what you would tell a friend who's telling you their partner is treating them this way. It’s often way easier to see it in other people than ourselves.

And it's possible to get over someone who doesn’t love you back but it takes determination.

Cut yourself off from your person, and put yourself out there. Rebuild your self-esteem and believe that you will find true love.

You may be in a painful place right now, but if you can face the truth and move on, you will find happiness again and live happily ever after!

RELATED: If You’ve Ever Loved Someone Who Didn’t Love You Back, You Need To Hear This

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based, certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and get started!

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