How To Make Being Single A Blessing (Even If You’re Afraid You’ll Be Alone Forever)

Photo: getty
single woman smiling and happy
Love

Are you single and afraid that you will alone forever? Are you looking for ways to make being single a blessing, so that you accept that you are alone and be truly OK with it?

I believe that acceptance is the key to living successfully. Accepting that you are single — although maybe not forever — is the best way to be happy and look forward to your future with hope.

RELATED: 9 Things The Most Attractive Single Ladies Always Do

So, how do you make being single a blessing? It’s about rearranging your mindset.

Instead of focusing on everything that is wrong with your life because you aren’t with someone, focus on the benefits of being single. And focus on how being single actually enhances your life, instead of detracting from it.

Here are 5 ways you can consider being single a blessing, even if you're worried you'll be alone for a while.

1. You only have to take care of you.

One of the best parts about being alone is that the only person you have to take care of is you.

Take a look at your day. How much of it is spent taking care of yourself? Do you have to cook for someone else, do errands for them, or make sure their laundry is done on time?

Of course, you may love doing all of those little things for your partner. But sometimes, people in relationships do them at the expense of their own needs.

I know that for the years that I lived by myself, I had a lot of extra time in my day, because I was only cooking (or not!), cleaning, and planning for myself — and only myself. That extra time allowed me more time for doing what I wanted to do.

Now that I'm with someone else, I spend a good portion of my day taking care of him and his needs. And I love him and don’t mind doing this, but I must admit that some days, I wish I didn’t have to.

Imagine if your everyday life was full of doing only what you wanted to do, taking care of only yourself, cooking (or not), watching whatever TV you want to watch, going to bed on your own schedule, and not picking up anyone else’s clothes. How amazing would that feel?

2. Compromise won’t be an issue.

Now, don’t get me wrong. The willingness to compromise is important in every relationship. However, in many relationships, you sometimes compromise too much.

I know a woman who was married and lived her life for what her husband wanted and needed. He wanted her to quit a job that she loved, so she did. He wanted to move to another town, and even though she loved their current house, she agreed.

He insisted they have dinner with his family on Sundays, in spite of the fact that her family was around on Sunday nights, as well.

Don’t get me wrong, her ex compromised, too, I'm sure. But she had to bend over backward most days to make him happy.

Imagine not having to negotiate with someone else around something that you want or don’t want to do. You're living your own life on your own terms.

3. No more of those "thousand little cuts."

One of the hardest things about relationships — both good and bad ones — is what I call the "thousand little cuts." These are those little tiny cuts that occur over the course of a relationship, cuts that undermine the strength of the relationship and, sometimes, lead to its collapse.

What kind of little cuts?

Not coming home on time, leaving underwear on the floor, lying about how much beer you had with your buddies, spending more money at the dress shop then planned, farting without apologizing, not walking the dog at the right time, slurping your coffee, snoring etc. You get the picture.

RELATED: 6 Reasons It's Absolutely Okay If You Don't Want A Relationship

One of the nice things about being alone is that you aren’t subjected to those little daily pains — the ones that make you feel so bad about yourself and so bad about your relationship.

When I was alone, I remember distinctly how much better I felt at the end of the day, because no one had caused me pain that day. My dog was curled up next to me, and he loved me. I felt pretty good about myself, I have to say.

4. You still have love.

This is something that seems so obvious, but often isn’t when you're feeling sorry for yourself for being alone.

When you aren’t in a relationship, one thing that you notice is that love is accessible anywhere. While romantic love is lovely, you can find love in both usual and unusual places.

First and foremost, you have steadfast and strong love from your friends and family. You know that they will be there for you through thick and thin, and that you will always have someone to cry with, go to the movies with, or spend the holidays with. No matter what.

There are also other ways to find love. A big source of love is volunteering. There is nothing better than working with people or animals who need love and support for bringing more love into your life.

When I was first single, I volunteered at a food shelter once a week. And when I went home, I felt like a million bucks.

Another way to get unconditional love is with a pet. It might sound like a cliché, but it’s true. How many single women do you know who have a pet? They might call us "crazy cat ladies," but the joke is on them — because we're happy crazy cat ladies!

So, know that if you're single, you can get love in all sorts of places. And yes, you can be happy being alone.

5. You can be you. Always.

The most amazing part of being alone is that you are totally free to be who you want to be.

Of course, being in a partnership can be wonderful. But whether you are happy or not, because you are part of a twosome, you're sometimes limited in your choices of who you can be in the world.

After my husband and I got divorced, I decided that I was sick of living in the country. I sold my 3,000-square-foot house in Vermont and moved to a 200-square-foot apartment in NYC. I started a life coach business, became a mental-health advocate, and I no longer had to shovel snow!

If you're alone, the sky is the limit for who you want to be in the world. That's definitely worth a lot!

As you can see, making being single a blessing isn’t that hard.

I know that in this modern world being a part of a pair seems imperative, but more and more people are realizing that it’s not. Being alone gives you options, you can be selfish and giving, your daily life can be happier, and you can be truly who you want to be.

You can be happy being alone, too. Truly.

RELATED: 10 Ways To Be Happy Alone

Sign Up for the YourTango Newsletter

Let's make this a regular thing!

Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help or send her an email.

Author
Expert