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Women really aren't that difficult — really.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Last updated on Jan 25, 2023
Many of my male clients are completely stumped by what women want from men. They seem to stab around in the dark, not knowing what they can do to show their girlfriends and wives that they love them.
One of my clients told me about how he was going to give his girlfriend a vacuum cleaner for her birthday.
Instead, I directed him to the local jewelry and greeting card stores. What she wanted, I told him, was not the practical, but the emotional.
"Emotional" can be tough for guys. But what women want from men isn’t really that complicated.
Here are six unsexy behaviors women are very attracted to:
1. The ability to communicate well
Many women wish their men would use their words more often.
They wish men would tell them that they look nice when they're dressed up, that their success at work is remarkable, that their golf game was dead on, and that the dinner they cooked was tasty.
Earned compliments such as these make women feel good about themselves. Knowing that someone they love is noticing their successes means the world to them and makes them feel secure with themselves.
Furthermore, it makes women happy when men verbalize their appreciation for the things their women consistently do for them.
A client of mine always supported her man when he needed to work late, but he never acknowledged it.
Another made an effort to look nice whenever she saw her guy so he knew that he was worth the effort, but he never seemed to notice.
Another client helped pick up her boyfriend’s kids from school, but he never thanked her.
All of those things they did for love and none of their guys verbalized their appreciation of their efforts.
Many men say, "I don’t need to tell her I appreciate her. She knows."
And while she might know that you appreciate her, she still wants to hear you say it. She wants to know that you see what she does out of love for you and that you recognize how special it is.
Don’t assume that your woman knows how you feel — tell her. Even if it’s hard for you to express how you feel about her, you can recognize her successes and the things that she does for you by using your words.
2. The ability to be affectionate
Many men hesitate to be affectionate with their women. For many of them, their understanding of relationships comes from watching their parents.
If there were any intimacy issues with their parents, such as withholding affection if chores weren’t done, that's what a man thinks a relationship should look like.
Being intimate can be hard for them because they might have never seen what healthy intimacy might be.
For women, if their man pulls their hand away when she's reaching for it or turns away when she goes in for a hug, she feels like he doesn’t love them or isn’t attracted to them.
These thoughts can breed insecurity that causes havoc in a relationship.
If you struggle with touching your partner, talk to her about it. If she can understand where you are coming from, and you can understand her needs around affection, it reduces her insecurity.
Talking about it might bring about a change in how you feel about intimacy and will make your girl happy.
3. Not trying to fix her
When women are faced with struggles, part of how they deal with them is by processing the emotions around the issue. For men, the inclination is to brainstorm a fix.
If a man tries to fix a problem while a woman is still processing emotions, things can get messy.
Men need to practice more empathy when helping their women process an issue. Empathy is defined as, "the ability to understand and share the experience of another."
Instead of trying to fix her problem, just try understanding where she is at and acknowledging how frustrating, upsetting, or anger-producing it is.
What she wants is for you to accept and understand where she is, in the moment, and to empathize.
So, next time you see her struggling with something, don’t make suggestions for how to fix things. Simply tell her that you understand how she's feeling and that you're there for support.
4. Treating her like a woman
This can be tricky in this modern day where women can — and should — expect equal treatment, both in the workplace and in the world.
That being said, women still like to be treated like ladies who are desired, respected, admired, and appreciated.
How about opening a car door for your lady, buying her that special scent she likes, telling her how fabulous she looks, or taking her out on a special romantic date?
Or rubbing her feet, bringing her flowers, or retrieving something from a high shelf?
Yes, men and women are equal. But that doesn’t mean that a girl doesn’t like to be treated like a lady sometimes.
5. Not trying to protect her all the time
Treating someone like a woman is one thing, but treating us like the weaker sex is another.
Many men don’t share things with their women because they're "trying to protect her." They tell those little white lies that seem inconsequential but have real repercussions.
The little white lies can include telling her you'll be home for dinner at 6 p.m., knowing that you won’t be home until 7. You don’t tell her because you don’t want to upset her.
Or telling her that you're going to go out for one beer, knowing that there's a long, fun night ahead.
Or not telling her that you ran into your ex at the coffee shop and you talked for a while.
All of these white lies might be meant to "protect" your woman but, in reality, they will only serve to make her trust you less. And when she trusts you less, relationships can fall apart.
Being honest about everything — big and small — is key to a healthy relationship. This is a big part of what a woman needs to feel loved.
Making every effort to always be honest will help your woman love and trust you even more.
Knowing what women want from men is a great way for a man to set up their relationship for success. That being said, there is one more thing that every woman wants that needs to be mentioned as part of this list.
6. The ability to follow through
They want to know that if you say or agree to do something for them, you'll actually do it.
If you say that you want to go to the movies, you'll actually show up. If you're going to fix the car, get it done. If you're going to take the kids out to give her a break, do it.
One of the biggest contributing factors to the downfall of a relationship is when men make promises and don’t follow through.
When they do that, women often doubt their man’s affection. Their insecurities can cause more damage than you can ever know.
So, recognize the importance of following through. Establish goals that you can reach and, always, do them for your woman.
Start with the list above, then set your intention right now and do the work that you need to do to make your woman feel loved.
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Mitzi Bockmann is a certified life and relationship coach. She has over 10 years of experience in helping people find happiness in life and love.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.