Love, Heartbreak

3 Questions You Must Ask Yourself If It Feels Like Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere

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Good Questions To Ask Yourself To Decide How To Know When To Break Up

Finding a relationship with the right person is wonderful, but when you start feeling like you've hit a dead-end, it's difficult to decide how to know when to break up.

Knowing you're making the right decision is daunting, whether you've already broken up or you're considering getting back with an ex.

Breaking up with someone is never easy, and getting over it and learning what to do after a breakup is painful — especially if you're still in love with the person you're struggling to be with.

RELATED: 5 Undeniable Signs That It's Time To Break Up

I had a relationship like that once: We met at the beginning of June. By the middle of July, we were in love saying cutesy things like, "Baby, are we going to be happy together forever?"

And we said we would.

But we broke up before forever came. Just ten months later, as a matter of fact.

Not because I didn't love her. I did. And I still do. But because we started rowing our boat in different directions.

And when you're rowing in different directions, it's either time to have a pow-wow and start rowing in the same direction, or it's time to abandon ship.

Still, after we broke up, there were weeks of gut-wrenching questions. The ones that make you feel like your guts have been cut open onto the floor, like "Should we get back together?" or "Will I ever find a love like that again?" or "What if she finds someone else she loves more?"

We said things to each other that you really only want to say to one person. The thought of her telling some other guy that stuff was like a meat cleaver in my chest.

But those kinds of questions are really tough. For one thing, they are impossible to answer. For another thing, they only leave you feeling completely miserable.

Asking these questions led me on a trip across the world before I figure out that those questions aren't helpful in creating a healthy relationship or learning how to move on without regret.

Instead of torturing yourself over things you can't change, here are 3 questions to ask yourself that will let you know it's time for you to move on without regret into a new relationship:

1. Do you have to edit what you say when you talk to your partner?

If you're editing, it's a good possibility that you feel the need to live up to their expectations of you.

This absolutely stinks. And makes you increasingly feel unsafe and unloved and unworthy. People can talk all they want about being secure in yourself, but the fact is that a relationship is a union of two people who share their vulnerabilities.

If you can't do that without editing, you can move on without feeling any regret.

2. Have you given them every chance to stay together?

Let's say you broke up and you're open to getting back together if the core issue is addressed.

RELATED: 5 Clear Signs Your Relationship Is Over & It's Time To Break Up

These are not core issues:

  • Money: Of course money is important. But it is not all-important. You can always make more money. You can never make more time.
  • Job: The job you have or don't have is not a core issue. Obviously. People change jobs all the time. You can too. If your partner doesn't like your job, distill down to the core issue to resolve it.
  • Education: Sometimes people's families will look down on you if you aren't from a certain college, or from any college. Again, if this is causes issues, distill down to the core issues to resolve it.

These are core issues:

  • Communication: Are you able to communicate openly and vulnerably with each other? If you aren't able to for whatever reason, it's time for your own pow-wow.
  • Solidarity (being on each other's team): If there is one defining characteristic of a couple that you want to be like, it's this. Do you have each other's back? When someone says something about your partner, are you there to defend them? If not, or if your partner doesn't, it's time to reconsider the relationship.
  • Trust: This one can be tricky because a lot of people have been hurt in relationships and can be inherently defensive. If you can't bring yourself to trust your partner, and you can't get their help (you'll need it; it's a relationship), then you can move on without regret and learn to make better choices in a partner next time.

If you're willing to work on these things, but your partner keeps focusing on the non-core issues, you can move on without regret

3. Were you delusional in the relationship?

Looking back on the relationship, if you were completely honest, could you admit that you were delusional?

In other words, were there moments or situations where you paused, wondered what was going on, but then filled in the gap with what you wanted to believe?

If you feel like parts of your relationship aren't real, or that you were ignoring issues to "make it work," don't do it anymore. Admit that it's time for you to move on.

Starting a new relationship is never easy. But tricking yourself into pining after someone who isn't right for you won't make you happy, either.

Ask yourself these questions if you suspect that your relationship isn't going anywhere so you can move on, without regrets, into a relationship that will truly let you both shine.

RELATED: This Is How You Know When It's Time To Leave A Relationship

Michael Griswold is a relationship coach. To learn more about keeping your marriage or relationship afloat, visit his website.

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