Why Men Pull Away: 5 Reasons He's Just Not That Into You


It's not always you, but sometimes it just might be.

Since the beginning of time, the battle of the sexes has raged on — perhaps even Aristotle’s girlfriend gave him flack for staying out too late philosophizing.  It is a battle that very well may be endless. No matter which way you look at it, women and men think differently and this causes unrest.

It's partly because of this that women are often left scratching their heads in confusion, wondering why men pull away from them. The relationship, after all, seemed to be going so well.

However, the answer to why men pull away isn't a singular one: sometimes there are many reasons. And, even though it sounds like something straight out of Cheesy Breakup Lines 101, sometimes the reason really has little to do with the person they’re fleeing from.

Why one man pulls away may be for a different reason than most men. Men, like people in general, are similar to snowflakes and fingerprints: they're all different. Yet, many men pull away for a variation of the same reasons.

They do so because:

  • You’re a clinger: If you cling to someone with the strength of dress socks clinging to freshly dried blankets, they may pull out faster than a man whose wife just walked in on him having sex with his secretary.

In fact, clinginess is one of the biggest reasons why men pull away. They value independence (both theirs and yours). They flee from those who won't give it to them.

  • You move too quickly: Women should think of relationships like having sex — when things come to attached too quickly, it's just not satisfying for anyone involved. When a woman becomes emotionally involved too fast (he had me at breathing), men lose out on the enjoyment.

Talking about the future, asking to meet their parents or taking them shopping to pick out window treatments make men more uncomfortable than tampon commercials. Taking things slow, on the other hand, gives them a chance to get used to the idea of commitment.

  • There isn’t a connection: Sometimes, the reason why men pull away is really simple: there's just nothing there. There is no spark, no connection, no "I have butterflies because I'm so excited to see you." 

If there's nothing there, you really can't fake it. And, why would you want to? A mutual connection should be as important to women as it is to men.

  • There’s pressure to commit: Some people thrive under pressure, they rise to the occasion and get done what the situation demands. Others run from pressure like cartoon characters run from swarms of angry bees. It is this reason why men pull away: the pressure to commit becomes too great.

It's not so much that men are really afraid of commitment – some may be, but most are not – but it’s instead that they want the commitment to be their idea. They don't want to have to commit because of guilt, manipulation or some kind of ultimatum.

  • They have zero relationship skills: The final reason why some men pull away is a reason that has little to do with the women they're dating or any women at all. Rather, it's merely because some men (and some women for that matter) have no relationship skills.

They don't know how to act, how to handle or how to enjoy a relationship. They also don't know how to let go of the past, and realize that because one woman hurt them, there's no guarantee that all women will. So, rather than venturing into scary and what they view as dangerous territory, they choose to retreat and go at it all alone. They give up on dating in lieu of — what we will call — their solo projects.

To learn more about why men pull away, click here.