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It's time to let him go!
By Lisa Steadman — Written on Jan 26, 2018
There’s no denying it: Coping with a break-up up is oh-so-hard to do, especially if you're the one getting the boot, and even more so if the break-up was unexpected.
But did you know there's an upside to a broken heart? In the midst of all the tears, emotional eating (hellooo, ice cream!) and constantly wondering what went wrong, there really is a silver lining. But in order to see it, you've got to first get through the initial stages of loss.
And while figuring out how to get over your ex and how to move on after a break-up might feel impossible now, there are ways it can be done.
The following tried-and-true techniques should help kick-start the healing process so that you not only survive your breakup, but eventually thrive!
Here are 5 steps that will help you get started moving on after a break-up:
1. Extract your ex from your life.
Immediately following the breakup, cut your ex out of your life completely.
This means no cyberstalking on Facebook or Twitter, no 3:00 a.m. desperation emails or texts, and no driving by your ex’s house to see who's home (or who’s with them). You should also make a clean sweep of your home, getting rid of any and all items that remind you or relate to your ex.
This exorcism can be challenging, but in order to really move on after a breakup, it's absolutely essential.
If you're in a position where have to keep your ex in your life — such as, if you have kids together or run a business together ‚ you should immediately create new boundaries and ground rules. For example, only discuss matters relating to your children or business, and avoid talking about your personal lives.
Do not try to help each other through the breakup. (That's what your boo-hoo crew of girl friends is for!)
2. Recruit a "boo-hoo crew."
As much as your instincts may be nudging you to wallow all alone in your comfy breakup cocoon, you're never going to get through the breakup without your friends — which is why now's the time to recruit a boo-hoo crew.
Part cheerleader, part therapist, your boo-hoo crew should be reliable, patient and consist of at least three friends for round-the-clock supervision and support.
The role of your boo-hoo crew is to provide the following:
- A shoulder to cry on
- A voice of reason
- Damage control (in case you get the urge to contact your ex)
- Help in seeing the bright side
3. Celebrate your slump.
Feeling down in the dumps after getting dumped? Give yourself time to "celebrate" your slump.
Call in sick for work and curl up on the couch all day watching movies or listening to music. Or better yet, engage in a little retail therapy. Buy yourself something your ex would've hated (if he loved you in black, buy something bright red!). Or recruit your boo-hoo crew and go on an impromptu road trip this weekend.
Do whatever you need to do to celebrate your slump. In doing so, you'll eventually summon the strength to dump your slump and move on.
4. Find healthy and happy ways to fill your free time.
After your breakup, you may suddenly be overwhelmed by all the free time you have on your hands. Don't freak out or call your ex in a moment of panic.
Instead, make a list of things you enjoy doing on your own. Or better yet, try something new! Take a cooking or dance class, go on a much-needed vacation or join a gym.
Fill that free time with positive and empowering activities. Doing so will help get your mind off of the breakup and help you focus on you and your fabulous new life.
5. Throw yourself a "moving on" party.
When you're ready, shed your wrinkled T-shirt and sweats, toss out the junk food, get off the couch, and throw yourself a fabulous Movin’ On party. This party isn't about trashing your ex, but instead focuses on your recovery and the amazing new life that's unfolding before you.
Now‘s the time to acknowledge your resilience and to celebrate the fact that you not only survived your broken heart, but you are definitely beginning to thrive.
You can get over your breakup with confidence and strength — you just need the right advice to get you through it. Scroll up to the video above to hear more expert breakup advice from Lisa Steadman!