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Don't let being single get too comfortable.
By Lianne Avila
Last updated on Mar 08, 2024
You're a good catch, so why are you still single? Do you struggle to get a date? Perhaps you have even asked, "Why am I single?" or wondered, "Will I be single forever?" If finding love is a struggle, there are some things you need to know to find "the one" and fall in love. There are a few common mistakes single people make that prevent them from finding love.
Here are the 3 tiny-but-deadly mistakes single women make when it comes to men:
1. Not setting aside enough time for a relationship
You might spend a lot of time at work or with friends socializing. The first step to being in a relationship is dating. I hear this a lot, "I just don't have enough time for dating."
Relationships require time. This means making sacrifices. If you aren't willing to set aside time, you probably won't meet anyone. Worse yet, you can give people the wrong impression. They may think you are a workaholic or just into yourself. This will make you appear selfish. As you get older, it may seem not easy to meet someone. That may not be the case. You just may not be prioritizing meeting someone special.
2. Dating out of fear of loneliness
Society has told you that you need someone to complete you. This is the biggest myth around. When you do this, you create a lot of unnecessary pressure. What you need is someone you can get along with.
Go out and have fun! This is the best way to meet someone. You may also make some new friends along the way. Nothing is worse than meeting someone, and then complaining about being single and how they feel lonely. Don't be that person. Take time to try new things.
Do you like to travel? If the answer is yes, this is a great time to see a new place. If that feels like too much, go away for a weekend. If you don't want to go alone, then invite a friend. Try new restaurants and new friend groups. That way you won't get bored.
3. Being afraid of commitment
When you are single, it's easy to get comfortable. You can make your schedule and do the things that you enjoy. You don't have to worry about or make plans for anyone else. This might feel scary to give up. This will keep you from stepping outside of your comfort zone. If you want to be in a relationship, you must take emotional risks. This is how you will get close to a man. Ambivalence will get in the way and keep you from taking the necessary risks you need to take to be in a relationship.
You aren't alone.
It's easy to get stuck in the mindset that there aren't any more single people. Once that starts, it just gets worse. There aren't any good ones left. They are all taken. If you are telling yourself that, then you need to stop. This will only make things worse.
"Why am I still single?" You keep asking yourself this question, but you can't answer. When you are single, it seems everyone is in a relationship. Turn on the T.V. or look on the internet. All you see are happy couples.
We live in a society that covets being in a relationship. The message is that to be happy, you need to be in a relationship. But is that true? How many couples do you know in a happy relationship — the type of relationship you want? There are some advantages to being single. You can go where you would like and visit the relatives you would like to visit. If you'd like to stay home and keep it casual, that is fine, too. There isn't as much pressure.
Photo: dodotone via Shutterstock
What's important is to have less stress in your life. If you are in a stressful relationship, it can come out on your health. This can lead to physical and mental illness if you don't take care of it. There isn't one answer to why you are still single. Maybe you just haven't met the right person.
When you are in a relationship with the right person, it's the best feeling in the world. You need to know what you are looking for, and what you are not willing to give up. This means you need your "must-haves" ready when you are dating. This will help you make a decision you are comfortable with.
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Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.