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What's really holding you back?
By Kelly Ann Garnett — Written on Mar 28, 2018
Thousands of people lay awake at night wondering this exact thing, “Why am I still single?” Many will tell you that you just haven’t met the right one. Others might accuse you of being too picky when looking for love. Some will tell you that when you stop looking, it’ll happen.
But I’m here to tell you the truth. And you might not like it.
In the movie The Wedding Date, Debra Messing’s character, Kat, hires Nick, a male escort played by Dermot Mulroney, to go to her sister’s wedding with her as her boyfriend. In one memorable scene, Nick is in the shower, and Kat is sitting on the toilet reading an interview about him.
She reads aloud, “'Every woman has the exact love life she wants.' That seems like a pretty broad generalization. Do you honestly believe that I want to be single and miserable? Do you think I want to be hung up on some guy who led me on for years and out of the blue just shattered my heart?"
To which Nick replies, “Well, first of all, there’s no such thing as out of the blue. And second of all, yeah. When you’re ready to be let go, to be un-single and un-miserable, you will. Until then…”
If you haven’t figured it out yet and are still single despite wanting to be in a relationship, then let me tell you why.
The reason you’re still single is… drum roll, please…
You!
Some of you may already be aware of this. And some of you may think I’m rude for saying this. But at the end of the day, you’re the only thing that’s getting in your way of being in the relationship of your dreams!
Let me explain.
When my client, Laura, and I began working together, it had been two years since she and Tyler broke up. When she reached out to me for my free coaching session, she’d gone on a few dates with different guys, but no one really sparked her interest. She shared with me that she felt worried that she wasn’t going to met someone, she was scared that he wouldn’t accept her completely, and she didn’t trust herself to be able to pick a good man.
Can you already see the three strikes that she has against love?
So, I asked her some questions.
I asked her how she knew she was really ready for a relationship. She said because she was lonely and really wanted someone to spend holidays with and travel the world with.
I asked her how she knew that she was really over her ex. She said that she hadn’t talked to him in over a year and that she was ready to meet someone new. I said, “If I told you that I had a great guy to set you up with, that was ready for a serious relationship right now, what would be the first words out of your mouth?” She paused and then eventually said, “I guess I’d be interested in meeting him.”
I asked her if she knew what kind of guy she wanted to be in a relationship with. She said someone that was good looking, tall, successful, and nice. She said that the most important thing to her was that she be chosen by him.
Lastly, I asked her, “How certain are you that you will have the relationship of your dreams?” She said, “About 75 percent sure.” I told her that was about a C rating. I asked her if she’d be interested in changing that rating to 100 percent. She giggled and responded with, “Heck yeah!”
Over the course of the next few months, we dove into the many different ways that she had been protecting her heart. Not only did we uncover a few ways that she protected herself after the relationship, but also the ways that she protected herself when she was a little girl seeking love and attention from her parents.
And when her best friend said that she had a great guy to set her up with from work a couple of months later, Laura responded with a resounding, “Yes!” She and Jim have been dating now for over a year and are talking about getting married next summer.
The point being is that Laura realized that she was the one protecting her heart from love. She became aware of the choices she was making to keep love at bay. She realized the real reason that she was still single was her.
If you keep asking yourself, "Why am I still single?", Kelly Ann Garnett can help. She's a certified love attraction coach, certified life coach, spiritual psychologist, and educator who understands the deep desire and longing for a soulmate. Visit her website to download her free eBook and for more information about how you can work with her to find out how to get “un-single” now.
This article was originally published at Kelly Ann Garnett. Reprinted with permission from the author.