4 Make-Or-Break Challenges You'll Face In Your Relationship (And How To Overcome Each One)

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4 Common Relationship Problems And How Couples Can Overcome Each One

At the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new, you can’t imagine ever having any challenges.

You can’t see your partner’s flaws and the relationship makes you feel wonderful.

But, eventually, the honeymoon ends. You start seeing your partner as a real human being, with flaws, like the rest of us.

And that's when relationship problems begin.

Gottman’s research found that 69 percent of relationship problems are unsolvable. This means that you need to learn to understand your partner and your problems in the relationship.

RELATED: 7 Of The Most Common Relationship Problems — And How To Fix Each One

Healthy relationships take a lot of work and patience. Nothing is as black and white as it seems.

But, once you know what to expect, you can learn how to fix a relationship and get through any challenge without resorting to a breakup or divorce.

Here are 4 of the most common relationship challenges and how you and your partner can overcome them.

1. The sex isn’t always hot

In the beginning, you can’t wait to jump in the sack with your partner. It’s like a new adventure. You are getting to know your partner from the inside out. You’ve never felt this kind of chemistry. It must be right.

We all know, after being in a relationship for a while, that life changes. Your list of responsibilities start to take over and your relationship gets lower on the list. We have found that what keeps the spark going is a good friendship.

It might be time to update your Love Maps. This is where you really get to know your partner inside and out. Let go of any secrets you may have. The relationship needs to feel safe in order to do this. This means you don’t criticize one another.

You also use "I" statements. Let your partner know how you feel and what you need.

2. Your in-laws get in the way

You may have been the best of friends before the marriage, but now they are in the way. You may feel your partner puts his family first. You don’t like feeling like second best in the marriage. This makes you feel left out.

Or, maybe you never got along. You thought getting married would change things and it didn’t. You aren’t alone — many couples have problems with the in-laws. They just do things differently than your family did and you don’t understand it.

This is an area where you want to stay away from judgment. Remember, they are your partner’s parents. Try to listen to their side, again without judgment. Make sure to let your partner know you need to feel first in the relationship.

RELATED: 5 Things That Will Almost Certainly Kill Your Relationship (Unless You Stop Now)

3. You won't meet all the dreams you had for the relationship

You entered the relationship with dreams of what love is. You thought you knew your partner’s Love Language. You thought your partner would always understand you and take your side.

It’s alright to go into a relationship with dreams and expectations. But, the truth is, they won’t all be met.

This is where you need to learn to self-soothe. You can’t rely on your partner for everything and to always be able to soothe you.

It’s really easy when you have been in a relationship for a while, to always want your partner to soothe you when you are feeling down.

If your partner is not available, then this is a great opportunity to self-soothe — take a bubble bath, meditate, go for a walk in the sunshine, and listen to positive music.

Make sure you do something that helps revive you and brings you pleasure. This will help take a lot of pressure off of the relationship.

4. Money issues will get in the middle of your relationship

When you first got together, you were both working. You loved your work. It didn’t matter who picked up the check. It just seemed to always work out. Or did it?

Maybe, you just didn’t say anything because you didn’t want to upset your partner. Now, you have a mortgage and a family.

Your work may not be as steady as it used to. You didn’t think your job would be outsourced and it was. This doesn’t mean you can’t find a new one.

Times may have changed but, too often, men carry the financial burden. After a while, they can feel resentful about this.

It’s important to feel appreciated in the relationship. Whether you work outside the home or inside the home.

So, how do you do this? You say it. Let your partner know how much you appreciate how hard they work. This one can be easy to forget when the list of responsibilities had added up.

Even the best of relationships have their ups and downs.

What’s important is that you follow the relationship advice above and learn how to repair and forgive. No one is perfect, don’t expect your partner to be. This means letting your partner know when you have messed up, with a sincere apology.

This can be one of the simplest ways to repair, but so many people have a hard time doing this.

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Lianne Avila is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in San Mateo, CA. She has helped many couples overcome relationship challenges, and live a reasonably happy life. For a free phone consultation or more information, please visit Lessons for Love.

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This article was originally published at Lessons for Love. Reprinted with permission from the author.