5 Main Reasons You Notice Bad Changes In Your Relationship

Photo: themacx, Liza Summer | Canva 
Woman looking stressed and man looking out over city

Once the honeymoon phase ends, you may be wondering what love stage your relationship is in and how that affects things between you and your partner. Your relationship will change over time. There are many different reasons as to why your relationship will change.

If you've been in a relationship for a while, then you know that the honeymoon phase will end. The good news is, this is when you will begin to grow. Everyone has shortcomings. It's important to build a culture of understanding in your relationship. This will help build a long-lasting relationship. Why do relationships change? There isn't a simple answer. As couples get closer to one another, their negative traits begin to stand out. Your relationship feels routine and is less exciting. When all of this happens your relationship begins to lose its luster. 

RELATED: The 5 Stages Of A Relationship All Couples Go Through, According To Research

The 5 main reasons you notice bad changes in your relationship:

1. Your partner's flaws will stand out

In the beginning, you couldn't see anything wrong with your partner. But, now you have been in a relationship for a while and you see your partner through a clear lens. You would like him to ask you more questions, or be more talkative. He doesn't always pick up his clothes, or help with the chores as much as you would like. And, there are many more things that stand out.



2. The intimacy changes

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. When you are in a meaningful relationship, and you feel like your partner gets you. The intimacy will get better. But, if you are in a relationship where you don't feel understood or like your partner gets you, then your love life will grow stale over time. 

RELATED: 8 Subtle Relationship Problems That Can Ruin Your Marriage

3. You spend too much time on social media 

Facebook did a study and found couples that share too much information about their relationship on social media, had an increased chance of breaking up. You also don't want to be on social media when you are spending time with your partner. I have found that talking is crucial in a relationship. This is how you get to know one another.

4. You don't learn how to argue 

You learn how to be in a relationship through your own family of origin. This means that you each have your own set of baggage, that you bring to the relationship. Did you see your family argue? Or, where they conflict avoidant? It's important to be able to express your feelings in a relationship. If you don't, you will stay stuck. This means that things will get worse. Also, when you hold everything in you can have emotional and physical problems over time.



RELATED: How To Fix An Unfixable Relationship (Before It's Too Late)

5. You no longer feel the need to impress your partner

This means reality sets in. This can be a good thing. You both can make mistakes and learn to repair them. This can also mean you are more accepting of your partner. You shouldn't feel like you have to be perfect in a relationship, or that you always have to say 'yes' in a relationship. If that's the case, then you are in the wrong relationship. But, you also want to be careful at this stage. You don't want to take your partner for granted. 

The key to a happy relationship is having fun together. This means you need to set aside time for one another. I hear this a lot in my practice, 'when we are together we have fun, but we don't set aside enough time for fun.' What does this mean? You need to prioritize your relationship. Make sure you have daily rituals in place. Have rituals for departing and greeting one another at the end of the day.

Make sure that you have a date night. It's not a date if you bring the children. What are your rituals for celebrating anniversaries and holidays? What about all the small things in your relationship? What are your rituals around celebrating them? These are things that not everybody knows about. For example, when you watched your first favorite show together.  A healthy and happy marriage provides a deeper sense of security. You will feel better about the world you live in when you have a healthy and happy marriage. All relationships go through highs and lows. When you are in a marriage for the long haul, you will have a better understanding of one another. 

RELATED: Couples That Stay Together Forever Make 11 Tiny Changes When Their Relationship Is In Trouble

Lianne Avila is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a practice in San Mateo, CA. Her work has been featured in Psych Central, BRIDES, and Prevention.