Age Got You Down? 4 Tips To Go From Kitty To Cougar!

How to Be Authentic and Confident By Tuning in to Your Body's Signals


You know the feeling. You spend 45 minutes having a fashion fit, sprawling ten outfits all over your bed, and you look fat or geeky in all of them. You finally settle on something you hope it has enough panache without being ridiculous.  You've put so much concealer on your face, it might as well be your base. You curse your thinning lips, give yourself a phony smile and head to the party.

You enter a room full of 20-somethings who look so hot in their tiny shorts, and their spiked heels, their sleek, abundant hair cascading down, dewy cheeks and pouty lips. And you are too old to be dating.


It doesn't matter whether you're 33 or 58, the experience is the same. If only I were 10 years younger, if they had seen me when I was their age …

And then you see her. She's definitely older than you. Her hair is silver, and there are laugh lines around her eyes. She's wearing comfortable pants and laughing out loud. And she's surrounded by young people, male and female. What's that about?

Being attractive is not just about looks, and it certainly isn't about age. A student of mine lives with a man who is 20 years younger than her. She's no cougar, but when Roger met her at a party one night, he fell in love with how she was speaking about her spiritual search. Marnie is a hairdresser who met the love of her life, 13 years younger than her, while cutting his hair. Her husband says he never even thought about Marnie's age, she was just so beautiful doing what she loved, he found her irresistible.


When you are authentic, when you are in your personal comfort zone, that's when the law of attraction works for you. It's not about trying to look younger, or fit in. It’s about appreciating being in your own skin. Or course, this sounds easy. But we are so conditioned to judge and compare ourselves, that sometimes it's really hard to even know what that means, let alone to trust that.

Here are some simple body language cues that can tell you when you are not in alignment with your true self, and to bring yourself back to your sweet spot.

Check your smile. Are you clenching your teeth? Have your lips disappeared? Gently open and close your mouth. Move your tongue to touch the back of your teeth a couple of times. Instead of forcing a smile, imagine your face widening, allowing your facial muscles to move outwards towards your ears.

Watch your ass. We have lots of expressions about this part of our anatomy. Gripping your buttocks is a telegraph that you are uptight, inflexible and tense. They don't call them tight asses for nothing. Relax those cheeks and let things flow!


Stop shouldering the burden. According to ancient wisdom, the shoulders carry our emotional issues. Tense, raised shoulders telegraph to all that you are stressed. Trying to force them down just adds stress. Before entering the party, pause, raise your shoulders up as high as you can and hold them there for three breaths. Then SLOWLY lower them.

Speaking of breath ... make sure you keep breathing in a slow relaxed way. Even if he or she walks in the door. Breath affects everyone. Rapid, shallow breath can clear a room faster than a fart.

Your wisdom and experience are the foundation of your beauty. And that is sexier than any outfit.  There's nothing worse than putting on an act, stuffing yourself into uncomfortable clothes, feeling totally fake and still going home alone. When you are authentically you, you can always be sure that people are enjoying you for your true self, not a false image.

Sign up for Lavinia’s newsletter at and get her free e-book, Get Your Sexy Back, for more ways to enjoy an authentic relationship with your body.