9 Myths About Dating Older Women — As Written By A Real-Life Cougar
Older women know what they like.
Oneinchpunch | Canva I'm a card-carrying cougar. I have been a consistent member of the "Cougar Club" since my husband passed away. For nearly five years, I've been dating a man 15 years younger than me. Technically, that qualifies me as a cougar. According to the Dictionary, the informal definition of "cougar" is "an older woman who seeks intimate relationships with much younger men." Urban Dictionary takes it even further, sharing that "Cougars are gaining in popularity — particularly the true hotties — as young men find not only a great time but many times a chick with her life together." I like to think of a cougar as a confident, independent, young-spirited woman who happens to prefer the company of younger men.
Here are 9 myths about dating older women — as written by a real-life cougar:
1. A cougar is a hunter who preys on an innocent younger man
Who hunts whom? Some guys are naturally drawn to older women like any other physical "type," such as preferring blondes to brunettes. A cougar exudes self-confidence, which makes her highly desirable to a younger man. Often it's the younger man who approaches the older woman in hopes of a purely physical, no-strings-attached relationship. Contrary to popular belief, the older woman isn't the predator — in fact, it's the quite opposite.
2. A younger man won't be able to maintain the interest of an older woman
When I first started dating my boyfriend, I hated his taste in music. Now I only listen to indie-rock. And he's developed a taste for fine wine since it's one of my passions. Being open-minded about different tastes and interests is good for any relationship.
3. The younger man will ultimately want children and will dump the older woman who already has a family
This is an issue for any couple when one wants a child and the other doesn't. Having children isn't a priority for every man, and if he loves the woman, he may choose her over his need to procreate. He may be in a relationship with an older woman because women his age are listening to the ticking of their biological clocks. Many younger men gravitate to older women who won't pressure them to get married and have children.
4. A cougar won't fit into a younger man's social circle or vice versa
A couple may experience some negativity — especially in the initial stages of the relationship. I've personally been subject to a few snide comments such as: "Is that your son?" or "Dude, does she get a senior citizen rate at the movies?" Like any atypical relationship, there will be people who support the couple's choices and those who put it down. The couple should be prepared to deal with everything from admiration to hostility from friends, acquaintances, and family.
5. A cougar is going to get old and become unattractive to the younger man
Cougars, like me, tend to keep physically fit and like to look much younger than their actual age. Any woman will age over time — but probably not as gracefully as a cougar. She has the financial ability, motivation, and time to eat healthy, exercise, and maintain her skin and beauty routines with visits to the dermatologist. More importantly, if a man is in a relationship with an older woman, he's usually there because of her personality just as much as her looks.
6. A cougar will miss out on her "golden years" while he's establishing his career
The younger man has less baggage like an ex-wife and children. The older woman is independent and will find ways to keep herself entertained. She has her children and career to keep her busy.
7. A younger man finds women his age to be more attractive
Men find cougars attractive regardless of their imperfections. They describe the older woman as more adventurous and experienced in bed. A cougar's energy is very alluring to the younger man. Being intimate is usually an area where this couple excels.
8. Kids will never accept the younger man dating their mother
Eventually, children and parents of the couple will see the loving relationship, and respect the decision that the couple has made to be together. They will recognize that the couple deserves to be happy.
9 A relationship with a cougar isn't viable and won't last over time
This has been proven wrong countless times. If the couple stays together for many years despite the obstacles and stigma that society places on them, they are usually in a very strong deeply connected relationship. These relationships are based truly on love and not on how many birthday candles they blow out.
KarenLee Poter, MSW, is the host of the KarenLee Poter Show on dating, love, and everything in between, as well as the author of A Cougar's Guide To Getting Back Out There.