The Small Indicator He's Not Your Soulmate, He's A Sociopath

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Man and woman on date

He appears to be a normal, caring individual. Underneath his charming facade, he has no conscience for the pain and suffering he causes you.

When dating a sociopath, the only warning sign you may have is a mild sense of doubt and skepticism — it’s a warning sign you should heed.

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Sociopaths can be very romantic, extremely charming, exceedingly generous, and seductive. He wines and dines you, calls you constantly, sends you greeting cards and love notes, writes you poetry, and surprises you with flowers, jewelry, gifts, and trips.

He is thoughtful. He repairs your broken necklace clasp. He picks your children up from school and he brings groceries and wine to your home. He seems too good to be true.

You feel like you have met your soulmate.



The sociopath declares his love and devotion to you early in the relationship. He tells you he has never felt so much so fast for a woman. He convinces you that he has been misunderstood and mistreated all his life and that you are the only one who understands him. He’s quick to propose an engagement and marriage. You are drawn into his stories of difficulties and sadness. 

You feel needed and validated.

He makes you feel special. He talks of a romantic and secure future together and he intrigues you with his grandiose plans. Even though his stories seem elaborate and far-fetched, he seems to be a normal, decent, and caring individual. You choose to believe him because he is so extraordinarily convincing. 

His only goal is self-gratification.

Everything about a relationship is a game for a sociopath. He is an astute observer of human behavior and they will target women who are nurturing, trusting, kind, and caring. He determines your beliefs, issues, and passions and proclaims to like what you like, dislike what you dislike, and believe what you believe — thus becoming your ideal mate.

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On her first date, Jackie’s sociopathic boyfriend asked her, “Do you smoke? Are you a good mom? Are you a Christian?” His questions insinuated that he was a non-smoker, a good dad, and a moral person.


Lying, deception, and manipulation are second nature to the sociopath. Once you are engulfed in the sociopath’s treacherous relationship, they use blame, projecting, and gaslighting to convince you, that you are the defective one.



The initial charm you feel with the sociopath does not last long. After you sleep with him, or you sell your home and move in with him, or you marry him and quit your job or you have a baby with him, and he has dug his claws deep into your soul, his schizoid, sinister personality emerges.

The truly scary part about giving your heart to a sociopath is he can dump you in a heartbeat and he has no conscience for the pain and suffering he causes you. 

The characteristics of anti-social personality disorder may include:

1. Outgoing, gregarious, and exciting. Tells unlikely, yet convincing stories

Uses intense charm, verbal skills, flattery, gifts, and boasting to influence and manipulate others.

2. Pathological lying, deceitful and sneaky, cool under pressure

He always thinks he’s right. You can’t reason with him, and if he is caught in a lie, he will attempt to disguise that falsehood with even more elaborate lies. 

3. Completely self-centered, inflated sense of entitlement, and illusions of grandeur

Tendency to violate the boundaries of others, disregard for the safety of others, disregard for right and wrong. Marked lack of guilt, remorse, and shame for the heartbreak and hardship they cause to others.

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4. Intimidation of others

Aggressive, often violent behavior, including fits of rage, and prone to getting involved in fights. Vindictive when thwarted or exposed.

5. Contempt for social norms and legal constraints

Criminal or DUI history, recurring difficulties with the law, or committing fraud without being charged. Inability to learn from experience or punishment.

6. Can be reckless, impulsive, and financially irresponsible

Indulges in pretentious, extravagant shopping.

7. Inability to tolerate boredom

Need for stimulation and excitement, promiscuous behavior, and infidelity. Prone to addictions and substance abuse.

8. History of failed relationships and/or divorce, lack of friends, and estranged from family members

Blames everyone and everything for his problems and hurtful actions. Will often portray their victim as the culprit. Can end relationships quickly when necessary or when it suits them.

9. Poor behavioral controls over expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, aggression, and anger

Secretive and paranoid. Defensive when asked about his whereabouts, work, money, or how he spends his time.

10. Consistently irresponsible work behavior or failure to honor financial obligations

Parasitic lifestyle — or, if he is a successful businessperson, uses his stature to manipulate, intimidate, dominate, and control others.

11. Possesses an innate ability to find the weaknesses in others

Will use this knowledge to manipulate, intimidate, and control people.

Do you repeatedly fall for men who are emotionally unavailable, non-committal, or abusive? It’s easy to buy into a man’s flattery, charisma, and good looks.

If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.

If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.

RELATED: 13 Signs He Doesn't Take Your Relationship As Seriously As You Do

Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.