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This time you might be the red flag.
By Nancy Nichols — Last updated on Dec 03, 2023
You met a guy by chance and you were smitten with him. He was handsome, engaging, well-dressed, successful, and seemed emotionally stable. And he seemed entirely taken with you, as well. He asked for your phone number, he called you soon thereafter, and he was eager to schedule your first date.
When you walked into the restaurant, his face lit up, he smiled warmly and hugged you. Fifteen minutes into the date, you were already hoping he'd ask you for a second date.
But not long into the date, he became withdrawn, his eyes glazed over and he started glancing at his watch. You felt a sudden, strong disconnect and the change in his demeanor puzzled you. You tried to get the date back on track with your wily femininity. But, it was too late. You could tell he was trying to think of a way to end the date early and disappear from your radar.
So, what happened? Why the sudden change in his attitude toward you?
Here are 10 honest reasons guys don't want to see you again after the first date:
1. You were closed-minded
Narrow-minded people come off as rigid, pretentious, and condescending. When you meet someone new, stay open to hearing his thoughts and opinions. Validating his point of view in the conversation makes you look intriguing, so avoid debating with him. It's great to share your knowledge, but trying to one-up him makes you look arrogant, controlling, and difficult to get along with.
2. You hogged the conversation
Monopolizing the evening by talking non-stop about yourself just makes you look self-absorbed and boring. Encourage your date to talk and REALLY listen to what he tells you.
3. You bored him
On the other side of that extreme, don’t make your date carry the whole conversation either. If you're shy, just say so and he’ll probably help you out by guiding the conversation. Stay informed about what's going on in the world, because if the only thing you read are your emails, Twitter, and Facebook, you may have difficulty contributing to a meaningful conversation.
4. The date felt like an interrogation
Save your probing questions for a follow-up date. Don’t ask how many women he's slept with, does he has STDs, why he broke up with his girlfriend, or why he got a divorce. Don’t ask questions that ask about his income or possessions.
5. You talked about your ex
A man doesn’t want to hear about your ex-boyfriend/husband/lover. It’s an indication that you’re living in the past and you’re not ready for a new relationship.
6. You appeared too eager
Compliment him, but don’t over-compliment him. Don’t ask for his phone number, don't ask to Facebook him, don't insinuate a second date, and don't invite him over for dinner. Also, nervous behavior makes you appear self-absorbed and insecure: Don't touch your face, twist your hair, laugh excitedly, boast, or prattle about yourself.
7. You had high expectations
Don’t go on a date already hoping for a second date. Men have an innate radar for women who are needy and looking for a relationship. They can sense if you're overly smitten with him, and men like a bit of chase. Let him wonder how much you really like him.
8. You outwore your stay
Don’t prolong the date with after-dinner cocktails or bar hopping. Don’t follow him home to listen to music and don’t invite him into your place for a nightcap. Just give him a goodnight kiss at the door and leave him wanting more.
9. You drank more than your limit
Too many martinis loosen your tongue, lower your inhibitions, and destroy your femininity. If you can’t limit yourself to two drinks, don't drink.
10. You wanted intimacy right away
I repeat — don’t invite him for a nightcap, don’t get into a make-out session, and DON’T sleep with him on the first date. If you crawl between the sheets with him on date number one, he will think you sleep with other guys on the first date as well.
So, now that you know what likely went wrong with the last guy (and what not to do again), what can you do differently the next time you meet a great man to make sure you successfully make it from a first date to a second date?
Here's what you can do to get a second date:
1. Be inviting
Eye contact and a warm smile are powerful flirting tools. Lean slightly into him, maintain soft eye contact, and touch his arm while you’re talking.
2. Be a good listener
Men love a woman who listens to his stories and enjoys his humor, so let him amaze you with his intelligence and he will ask to see you again.
Photo: Cottonbro Studio/Pexels
3. Ask questions
Discovering commonalities with a man can make you look interesting and increase his original attraction to you. Good questions will help you gain important information about your new man.
4. Stay positive and upbeat
In the beginning, men just want to have a good time and they're turned off if you're too serious. If you are cheerful and engaging, he can have fun and he will want to see you again.
5. Be yourself
Men do want to make an emotional connection with a woman, so be genuine, share your true thoughts, and don’t be afraid to show your vulnerable side. Share your adorable flaws. Your transparency will draw him into you.
6. Maintain an air of mystery
Don’t talk about your misfortunes (your psycho ex-boyfriend/husband, that you need a roommate to make rent, or your problems at work); it makes you look unstable. Withholding the intimate details of your life will make him want to know more about you.
But don’t act evasive or play jealous mind or the problems-at-work games because he will mistrust you and pull away.
7. Let him pay
Let a man be a man! Most men will tell you they expect to treat you on the first date and if you pull out your wallet, you will bruise his masculinity. When a man picks up the check, it’s his way of telling you he enjoys your company. Be gracious and say thank you!
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Nancy Nichols is a best-selling self-help, dating, and relationship author, empowerment speaker, notorious blogger, and TV and radio talk show personality. She's a woman's advocate who uses her self-help books to impart self-esteem building, the power of positive thought, relationship understanding, and personal healing.