Why No One Cares About Your Pretty Personality

People care about your personality when they care about you, but at first it's about the physical.

Online Dating Advice: Why Pictures Matter On Your Dating Profile

Dating in general is shallow, and dating online is like having no water in the pool. Do you want to swim in the deep end where it's not shallow? Good luck with that because you better teleport to the 1920s when people had fewer options and less selection. Until your time machine is fixed, you'll have to settle for the shallowness of dating in the 21st century. It kind of sucks, I know.

Your personality doesn’t matter with online dating. You think it does, and that’s adorable, but it doesn't. Sure, we want to meet a hunk-of-love who is funny, can spell, and articulates thoughts well, but online dating profiles are reflections of best efforts. People take their precious time to say the right thing and be as witty as possible, so the personality is ostensible — it's an illusion, a sales pitch if you will. You bought it.


I'm sure you've met that magician online — the person who represents themselves to be this, but they turn out to be that in person. You have high hopes for a good looking person to pop out of the magic hat, but it's an out-of-shape rabbit every time. Alakazam! Now you have a story to tell your friends. “You won't believe this guy I met from online. He looked nothing like [insert your experience here]", and everyone laughs over brunch. The person misrepresented who they are. Does their personality matter? Yes, they have proved it involves lying. Keep it moving. No more magic shows for you.


In the beginning it's physical — it has to be because that's how we are wired. We fall in love with a personality over time but we lust immediately through physicality. Online dating is void of emotional connections. We don't know the people we see, but yet we desire them. People become objects; disposable and replaceable, a new face after every swipe. Email the prettiest smiles; pass on the creeps.

If everyone was attracted to personality, we would be masturbating and pleasuring ourselves to honesty, bravery, and kindness. "I have to get home right now and pleasure myself to the courage of Gandhi. His personality gets me so horny!" said nobody ever. Guys see a woman on the street and approach them because they are attracted. Women let men talk to them in bars if they aren't creepy and have nice teeth. Personality matters later, not now.

So here's some advice, ladies  — show your body, but be tasteful. Stop playing hide and seek with the goods. Men are physical creatures. We don't approach women on the street because we think you frequently call your mom. We see something we like and go after it. You said "curvy" on your profile, well...show them curves. You're athletic and toned? How do we know? We've already met one magician; let's not meet another.

Men, you show too much body. Leave your torso on the inside of your shirt. Women are better people than men; they aren't as shallow. Show how you look today, not how you looked five years ago when you were tan and fresh out of boot-camp. If you are funny and have a good personality in person (where it matters), a woman might overlook the fact that you've been eating too many Doritos.


Dating has always been shallow. I'm sure in the medieval period women went crazy for knights in full body armor, and men in the 1840’s fantasized about women in gingham skirts. Now we have online dating. Different ballgame, same players: hopeful women and horny men. It's a shallow world. Be classy about what you show, but show it, and judge the personality in person.

If you have a personality to love, equally represent it with pictures to love. Fall in love with their personality, but always remember the smile and eyes that locked you in when you first saw them.

I'm not a dating coach, that's lame, but I do know a thing or two about finding yourself and being honest about who you are. I humorously, sincerely, and irrevrerently talk about dating today. Consider my book, "Pray Your Kids Are Ugly" - about the future of interactions and thoughts on Online Dating. PLEASE subscribe, it matters:)  My Website | Twitter | Facebook | Google +


YourTango may earn an affiliate commission if you buy something through links featured in this article.