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Why you need to slow the relationship down.
By James Allen Hanrahan — Last updated on Jan 02, 2024
When was the last time you received a love letter from a guy? Probably a long while ago, or never.
The problem for many men right now is that they're just not falling in love anymore.
Will, they hit you up? Absolutely.
But, will they stay with you? Well, that’s becoming a problem. But, knowing why will be a game-changer for your love life.
Here are 3 harsh reasons many men don't fall in love anymore:
1. You are intimate with him too soon.
Contrary to what some believe, men do not usually fall in love when they are intimate with someone. It does not, by itself, create intimacy. Rather, it exposes whether you have it or not.
Intimacy revolves around initial chemistry, which can go as fast as it comes. The illusion of closeness that being intimate can give you tends to mask the fact that on a deeper level, you really don’t know each other.
Friendship is often best built before intimacy enters a relationship.
For a man to fall in love with you, it's helpful for him to get to know you as a human being first.
2. You don't give him enough time.
Time allows you to evaluate and gain insight into the man you’re dating. The journey of falling in love takes time.
Relationships are an investment of time and energy. When a man invests the time to get to know you as a human being, he begins to demonstrate his character.
Men are often way ahead of themselves. They will ask you to go on trips, be intimate, and become their girlfriend way before they, themselves, are ready.
Slowing a man down is one of the best ways to allow him to fall in love with you. Encourage his enthusiasm but slow down his speed.
3. You don't offer him friendship
We are often led to believe that friendship and love are two entirely different things. But are they? Can a man truly love you if he has not befriended you?
Friendship demonstrates the character of the man you’re with.
Does he make and keep his agreements? Does he demonstrate integrity in all aspects of his life? Does he treat you with concern, and care about your feelings?
When we underestimate the importance of falling in love with someone who demonstrates friendship, we're often shocked when they leave abruptly.
It’s usually not a lack of chemistry that ends a poorly conceived relationship — it’s a lack of friendship.
Character is the lasting quality to look for, it’s demonstrated in a friendship and a lover.
Being physical, in itself, will not give you intimacy. People often avoid intimacy by being intimate. Ironic.
Time is what gives a man a runway to fall in love with you. When you understand this, it will change the trajectory of your love life.
Friendship is one of the biggest clues you’re falling in love with the right person. If you’re continually doubting the character and trustworthiness of a man you’re with, you’re usually with the wrong man.
Men fall in love when you require them to take the time to get to know you and build a friendship with you.
Friendship is foundational to your well-being and without it, men are not falling in love anymore.
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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of A Life of Love and Dating Advice for Alpha Women.