Love, Self

Can Your Childhood Predict Your Luck In Marriage?

Can Your Childhood Predict Your Luck In Marriage?

We live in unprecedented times. If you're married, you're a minority. For the first time, there are more single than married people. Apparently, the entire country of Sweden has decided not to bother with marriage. The question of our culture has suddenly become: why get married?

I recently married, and my friends ask, "So, how is it being married?" Or, of course, I get the unsolicited comment, "I'm never getting married." If they do delve a little deeper they might say something like, "I don't want to give away half my stuff."

When experts such as Napoleon Hill, author of Think And Grow Rich say things like (and I paraphrase) when a man is inspired and backed by a woman, he accomplishes far more, far more. Last, and shall I say least, is the classic adage:  "why buy the cow when they can get the milk for free?" Here, however, these ideas do bring up an important point.

See, women are the gatekeepers. They're the keepers of the moral and ethical standards of a culture, and they do this with one word — no. No to unethical and immoral behavior. When a man is gifted with this no, he rises to the occasion economically, emotionally and spiritually.

Not many of us are born in rational homes. I was born in a very emotional home. My father was an alcoholic, and I was a surrogate husband to my mom. It was a very trying time. My wife, however, was born in Taiwan where they are a very rational and nuclear family-oriented culture. She lived at home with her family until we got married at the age of 34.

In a rational home, women are cherished. They're taught their worth. Men are taught to protect and allow women and children to be vulnerable.

It's been my observation that in America if a woman doesn't marry by the time she finishes college, she's culturally sent out into the world to fend for herself. Shortly thereafter she says, "Why get married? I can take care of myself." And she does. Women often make a much better effort than men do! Look at our world today; when a man loses his job, he stays on the couch and watches the kids. Women go out and get it done. They're far better than men, which hurts me because I care about men. Maybe because I am one and because I know we, well, need to be a part of society.

This brings me to the topic of spirituality. I've done yoga for over 20 years and read many spiritual books. I spent 20 years in Al-Anon. I've been around a lot of spiritual people and in my observation of these spiritual people, I found they are predominantly single. Why is that? I believe it is because most spiritual people are emotional people. They're raised in emotional homes where they're not taught to be, feel, think and share for themselves. They're taught what to feel, what to think, what to do consciously and unconsciously by others until there's little, if any, love left for themselves. The question they ask is: why get married? Why do I need it?

In my opinion, we must be rewired to love ourselves as it is a natural, God-given state. It's relatively easy to be spiritual by yourself. Spirituality often flies out the window the moment we relate to others in intimacy.

When people ask me why get married I say, "Marriage is the most spiritual thing I've ever done, and I've done a lot of down dog." The reason is, the only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you're willing to make and to keep. Not to a finite fallible human being, but to the relationship.

When my wife and I were fighting in the imperfect stage, we made a commitment not to give up on the relationship. If I can say anything to you, I will say find someone who's willing to fight with you — because those are the people who truly love you.

Be kind because we're all finite, fallible human beings with an infinite capability to love. How will you choose to embrace and nurture that love?

Much love,


P.S. Watch chemistry to commitment.

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