People Who Understand Real Happiness Tend To Live By These 11 Truths, According To Psychology
Core truths that shape the way people approach love and life.
stockfour | Canva Everyone wants to live a happy life, but not everyone knows how (and isn’t it different for everyone?). To cut through the confusion, we asked myriad relationship experts to share their insights and wisdom about what it takes to find and sustain deep joy in life.
From how differently we handle unhappiness to who is kicking up their heels and smiling the most, the results of our survey are somewhat surprising. But the most important truth that emerged is that 95% of experts agree happiness is a choice.
This is fantastic news because it means happiness is within your control. The bad news is you have to love yourself enough to put in the effort and reach for it. As the Dalai Lama says, "Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your actions."
Here are eleven truths people who understand real happiness tend to live by, according to psychology:
1. 'Love isn't limited, it grows when shared'
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89% of experts believe the pursuit of happiness does not make people selfish. Research on subjective well-being and prosociality showed, "Happy people give more of their time and money to others, which indicates that life satisfaction and positive emotions, more so than negative emotions, consistently predict being more prosocial."
2. 'We all just want to be happy'
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45% of relationship experts said that the pursuit of a happier life drives 91-100% of their clients to hire them.
Pain physically and emotionally tells us something is wrong and needs our attention. Without paying attention to the pain, we will prolong suffering. So it is natural to seek help to find happiness within our struggles because no one enjoys suffering.
3. 'Money can’t buy happiness'
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Only 9% of the experts feel that a successful career is one of the chief causes of happiness. However, the correlation between money and happiness can be deceptive due to a lack of consideration of the difference between income and wealth, as described by research from the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America.
"The existing focus on income as a predictor of happiness as opposed to total wealth may help to explain why the current literature finds such an unexpectedly weak relationship between money and happiness. By using just income, researchers may be missing generational support, investment portfolios, homeownership, medical and student debt, and other aspects that may affect one’s ability to draw upon resources (not to mention the match or mismatch with actual costs of living in their local environments), and therefore the existing literature may be underestimating the relationship between material affluence and overall well-being."
4. 'Nurture the friendships that ground you'
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47% of experts said that meaningful friendships as one of the chief causes of happiness.
Life coach Kelly Rudolph said, "Happiness is affected by several factors, one of which is your personality type. Your social connections are important; they'll influence the way you view the problems in your life, and whether you'll feel you can accomplish goals or shouldn't even bother. Want to be one of the happy people? Hang out with people happier and more willing to try and feel good rather than bad."
5. 'Treat yourself with compassion'
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81% of experts selected having a good relationship with oneself as one of the most important factors in a happy life.
Cultivating self-love can often be a challenge to start. Life coach Moreah Vestan recommended, "Set a timer for each hour or so, when you focus on work or another important part of your life. When you hear it, check in with yourself. Ask, "What am I happy about this last hour or two?" Answer it aloud, or write it down if that's an easier way to remember all the little and big things that contribute to your contentment."
6. 'Don't be afraid to lean on others'
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87% said that feeling isolated or alone in the world is one of the primary causes of unhappiness. This unhappiness can lead to health issues and increase suffering.
A 2015 Harvard University study revealed that among initially healthy people followed over time, loneliness was associated with a 26% increase in the risk of premature death, social isolation with a 29% increase, and living alone with a staggering 32% escalation in mortality risk.
7. 'In the end, it’s up to you'
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95% of experts agree that happiness is a choice. For many, seeing the choice to be happy is enough. However, not everyone agrees.
Couples counselors Sonja & Marc Raciti explained, "The sentiment 'happiness is a choice' is something posted on social media. It comes from a good intention and is meaningful to many, but you cannot be happy to try as you might. People suffering from depression, anxiety, or trauma can’t snap out of it and decide to be happy. With that being said, life is a journey, and several things can help all of us to have more moments of happiness and have the best quality of life possible.
"The goal of pure lifelong happiness is unobtainable, and having this as a goal automatically sets you up for failure most of the time. So instead of trying to will yourself to feel better by choosing happiness, set yourself up for happiness to become your reality."
8. 'Listen to your elders'
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Do we get happier as we age? 33% of experts believe that people over the age of 60 are the happiest.
Research from the Journal of Population Economics re-examined "the relationship between various measures of well-being and age in 145 countries, including 109 developing countries" to find a consistent increase in happiness around the age of 50.
9. 'Fake it till you make it'
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60% of experts believe that people can fool themselves into believing they are happy.
Research from the Many Smiles Collaboration found that voluntary smiling could both amplify and initiate feelings of happiness. The researchers stated, "These results have implications for discussions about whether facial feedback interventions, such as those that might ask people to simply smile in the mirror for five seconds every morning, can be leveraged to manage distress, improve well-being, and reduce depression. It is possible that relatively small facial feedback effects could accumulate into meaningful changes in well-being over time."
10. 'Don’t ignore your spiritual side'
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80% of experts recommend praying, meditating, or doing some other form of spiritual activity in your leisure time in order to be happy.
"People who are active in religious congregations tend to be happier and more civically engaged than either religiously unaffiliated adults or inactive members of religious groups, according to a Pew Research Center survey data from the United States and more than two dozen other countries."
11. 'Women cope better with unhappiness'
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49% of experts agree that women cope with unhappy situations better than men do.
Yet, research on gender differences in response to emotional stress suggested, "Men and women respond to stress differently, with women experiencing greater sadness and anxiety, while men show a greater integration of reward motivation (craving) and emotional stress systems. These findings have implications for the gender- related divergence in vulnerability for stress-related disorders, with women at greater risk for anxiety and depression than men, and men at greater risk for alcohol-use disorders than women."
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