6 Things Men Want Their Girlfriends To Do (That They're Too Shy To Ask For)

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How To Be A Good Girlfriend By Understanding What Men Want In A Relationship
Love

Learning how to be a good girlfriend also means knowing what men want from you in a relationship.

But, sometimes, men don't want to say exactly what they want from you because they don't know how or are too shy to ask.

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There is plenty of relationship advice for women who want to unlock the mystery of men. But, truthfully, men are simple creatures. They are most likely happy when you’re happy. Just like you, they just want a healthy relationship with love and harmony. 

If you want a simple, straightforward, and intimate relationship with your man full of joy and connection, you need to focus on fulfilling his wants and needs along with your own.

To be a good girlfriend, here are 6 things men want from women in their relationships but are too shy to ask.

1. Initiate sex

Let’s get right down to it from the off: great sex can do wonders. And your man will really love it if you’re the one asking him for sex.  

Leaving him to initiate all the time gets difficult for him and he will ask himself if you find him attractive. He might wonder if what he’s doing between the sheets with you lights your fire.

Sex is great for your relationship. He will feel closer to you after sex and it’s an amazing way for you two to play together.

As a bonus, you both get a big dose of oxytocin. Often called the cuddle hormone, this naturally released drug will bring you both together and give you a feeling of well-being.

Taking your turn to start the action will help him feel loved, desired, and very grateful.

2. Appreciate him

Tell him the things you love about him every day. Thank him when he does things for you and big him up when you talk about him to others, especially if he can hear you.

It’s easy to focus on the negative aspects of your relationship since your brain is geared to seeing danger and threat — it keeps you alive! 

Giving appreciations results in your brain wiring itself differently. You will see him in a more positive light overall, and your relationship will improve.

Giving regular appreciations will make him feel cared about and far safer in the relationship with you.

Make sure you give appreciations as a gift. When we give a gift, we expect nothing back. (Unless we're 12!)

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3. Ask for what you want (and accept that you might not get it)

Be clear with him about what you want to happen. Ask assertively.  

You might expect your partner to instinctively know what you want. He loves you, right? Unfortunately, even the most tuned-in couples can’t mind read each other so you will have to say it out loud.

Your man will want to keep you happy. He wants you to make what you want clear so he can meet your needs and give it to you. It saves him having to guess and getting it wrong.

4. Let him do his thing without making it about you

He wants to go out and watch football with his friends? Great! Maybe you could get some downtime with people you care about too. 

Doing things on his own or with others is not a sign that he doesn’t love and care about you. Celebrate that he has his own interests.

Couples that have long, healthy relationships are interdependent. Both partners can go away and do the things they love separately from their partners and then come back and talk about it with their other half. 

It’s a healthy way to be.

5. Accept that he's different from you

In your relationship, your first job is to accept that he is different from you. The second is to learn to tolerate that difference.

He can have different thoughts, feel differently about things, and even dislike some things you love.  

Rather than struggling with this, get curious. Ask him why he thinks what he does gently. It’s an amazing way to learn more about him.

6. Check if he's available before talking about something important

Ever launched into an important conversation when he is in the middle of watching a movie or trying to finish an important piece of work on his laptop? How did it go?

If you emotionally hijack your partner when he is least able to hear you, it’s not likely to go well!

If you want to talk to him about something important, ask if he is available to do this first. If he’s not available, agree on a time that you can talk about what’s going on for you and ask him to stick to this appointment.

What you’re doing here is bringing emotional safety into your relationship.  

This enhances closeness, connection, and intimacy.  

He can settle, knowing that you won’t pounce on him emotionally without warning or any chance of escape!

Modeling these behaviors in your relationship will encourage him to take them up too, deepening your connection and bringing the joy that you both deserve.

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Ian Tomlinson is a UKCP-registered Psychotherapist and Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist working with individuals and couples at his office in Cheadle, Cheshire and worldwide via zoom.