The 4-Step Guide To Your Ultimate Happiness And Self-Improvement

Stop feeling miserable when you can't solve a problem. Follow these 4 steps for total happiness.

By Gloria Arenson — Written on Apr 02, 2015

Do you ever have a problem or emotion so upsetting that you want to call your best friend because you need a friendly ear? What happens if no one answers? You're stuck with your feelings and misery, with no resolution, relief, or happiness in sight.

I've invented a simple activity that helps you help yourself when you feel this way. I call it Narrative Tapping, and it's based on EFT acupressure tapping.

When you gently tap or press on certain acupressure points for a few seconds, the stimulation helps to raise the serotonin in your brain. Serotonin is the brain chemical that soothes and calms you so you can think clearly.

Here's how to find a solution any time you feel frustrated with someone or something and feel helpless:

1. Begin by focusing on the negative emotion, thought, memory, or situation as you gently tap along the outer edge of your hand, just below the little finger. We call this the Karate Chop Spot.

2. Using your index and middle fingers, tap or press each of the following points for just 3 seconds as you continue to concentrate on what is bothering you:

The crown of the head
The hair of the eyebrow where it begins nearest the nose
The outside edge of the eye socket
Under the lower lid of the eye
Under the nose
Under the lower lip
Under the collarbone
On the side of your body, 4 inches under the armpit

As you tap your Karate Chop spot, say out loud, "I am so upset about ___ that it's really getting to me. I want to talk about it so I can resolve it." Do this 3 times with feeling.

3. Tap on the next acupressure point on the crown of your head for a few seconds as you talk out loud. Speak as if you were telling your problem to your best friend who wants to listen and help you. As you relate each new sentence, move to the next acupressure point, where the hair starts to grow on your eyebrow, outside the eye socket, under the lower lid, under the nose, and so on until you tap all areas.

4. Continue to express anything that comes to you. Tap around for as long as it takes until you have reached a solution to your problem, or until you no longer feel furious, fearful, sad, or powerless. I get the best results when I walk in a private place as I talk. You might walk around your back yard or inside your home when you are alone and no one can hear you.

You will want to stay totally honest with yourself for the best results. Use your own words. It's okay to use curse words if that's how you feel. Shout, grunt, or scream, since there is no one there but you. It's alright to admit feelings and thoughts you might be ashamed of if others could hear you.

Pretending that things are fine when they aren't, or telling yourself that your rage or fear is childish, keeps you from clearing the negativity contributing to your unease and unhappiness.

These adverse thoughts and feelings are like pus in a wound. Clean it out!

That is what Carol did. Carol was furious with her family. Her mother died when she was very small, then her dad remarried. Her step-mother was critical and abusive, but her father didn't protect her. Carol would act ladylike when talking to a friend, explaining, "I hate them for what they did to me. I wish I never had to see them again."

What she was really thinking sounded more like, "I wish I had an Uzi and could mow them down. I would like to annihilate every one of those *%$#@ people. They don't deserve to live after what they did to me!"

Of course, Carol wouldn't act out her rage; she felt better after venting her feelings while tapping. After a minute or two the anger dissipated, and Carol felt great sadness—both for herself and for the emotionally troubled people who brought her up.

Tracy came to me after she began waking up in the middle of the night with a fear of dying. She was a perfect candidate for Narrative Tapping. First, she talked to herself about waking up in terror as she tapped her crown point. Then, as she moved to tap the eyebrow point, she realized that she was about to turn 50. That was scary!

She tapped another point outside her eye socket as she told herself that 50 meant that she was getting old. "I don't want to get old," she said as she tapped the next point under the eye. "No one will take me seriously."

As she continued to talk out loud and tap, Tracey discovered that she was afraid she wouldn't accomplish new things in her career. "It's too late. Life has passed me by." A moment later, as she moved to a new tapping point, she shouted, "It's never too late! Who knows what else I will do in my life."